Thursday, June 28, 2012

Why Grace Should Be A Family Name....

A couple weeks ago, I wrote Why They Call Me Grace. Since then I've been reminded of some stories I left out and, that in all certainty should've passed the name on to both of my children.  

Actually not even 30 minutes after I wrote and published that post, I went to pick Slou up at a friends house and when I pulled in the driveway, the first thing I see is Wonder Mom (her friend's mom & a good friend of mine) wetting a paper towel with the water hose.  The second thing I see is Slou standing in the garage, legs spread and arms out...stiff, like she's afraid to move.  I know this scene.  I've lived it an infinite number of times. Many mom's would probably slam the car into park and jump out as quickly as possible, I on the other hand am so used to seeing this that I calmly and leisurely get out of my car and say "Are you bleeding?" to Slou, to which Wonder Mom answers "No!!" <---She's very aware of our balance deficiency and was joking rather than lying.  I get to the garage and she has blood running all the way from both knees down to her ankles...and her knees looked like they'd been making out with a cheese grater.  They had been trying to save the tadpoles in their little backyard pond and she was running (in crocs) down their pebbled walk way, with water and a tadpole cupped in her hands.  I don't have to spell it out for know where I'm going with this.  "But I still saved the tadpole mama!!!"  Oh praise God!!  She went on to fall 4 more times that weekend, resulting in first aid HELL!!!

Last Friday,  Wonder Mom calls me after swim practice to give me a heads up.  "You're gonna be getting a call from one or both.  I'm not sure if Beelay said something to Slou to set her off, but she was chasing Beelay around the pool deck and slapped her HARD.  Beelay stubbed her toe on something.  It's pretty bad...but I don't think it needs stitches."  Ten minutes later I get the's Beelay.  I stop her before she starts.  "I don't want to hear about it.  I have a feeling that if I knew the whole truth, both of you would be in serious trouble.  Rinse it with peroxide and I'll look at it when I get home."  Eventually, I did take her to urgent care a couple days later just for them to give it a good cleaning and put her on antibiotics.

Now for the lost chapters of me falling from grace.....

Lollipop was sweet enough to remind me of my gravel facial that I received my senior year in high school.  I was down at my now ex-in-laws (we'll call them the outlaws for shiggles) farm.  It was hunting season and the guys were all in the woods until late, leaving me and one of the others girlfriends at the house for way too many hours unsupervised.  We kinda helped ourselves to JD's Jack Daniels...and I hardly have any recollection of the guys ever coming out of the woods that evening.  The story goes, we took a little ride down the dirt roads...back into the chalk mines (fun times).  We were all just hanging out by the trucks and shootin the shit.  When my now ex-husband turned his head for 30 seconds, I hit the ground face first.  All I can tell you is that was the worst case of facial road rash I've ever seen (mainly because I've not seen much).  This was when I became a firm believer in the magic that neosporin has mixed into it's ointment.  Of course when I got home, my story to my mom was that I'd been playing with our puppy Highball and that he'd tripped me...she knows the truth now. PS: I've avoided Jack Daniels ever since.

Then there was the time that I was getting out of a friend's truck, in the rain, in flip flops and my foot slipped right off of the step rail and toe first into the pavement.  I ended up with such a bad infection under my toenail that they had to remove it TWICE, because when it grew back the first grew wrong!!  

Oh, we can't leave out the time I was pumping gas at Kroger...and instead of walking around the car, I decided to carefully hurdle the gas hose.  Ummm, yeah...I landed on all fours and scraped both my knees and palms.  Thank GOD I didn't see anyone I knew.  That was stone cold sober...broad daylight on a Sunday afternoon.

And then you count up all of the countless times I fell off my bike, twisted my ankle, grated my knuckles with the cheese grater, stubbed toes, slammed my own fingers in my own car door (yes, Clarance...I've done it to myself too) and many other painful & careless actions.  Surprisingly I'm still a pretty good driver though....I know it's SHOCKING!!  Rest assured I'll be the first to let you know circumstances of the next time I suffer self-inflicted injuries.  Until then, please follow me here and on Facebook and take a minute to click on the banner below to cast your vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs!!!

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  1. OMGosh! We could be related. There's not enough time in the world for me to list all the stuff I have done.... But let's just say that I trip over my feet and run into walls on an almost daily basis. SIGH.... I fall UP stairs... Yeah..

    Anyway! I am a new follower that found you through the TGIF Blog Hop! :)

  2. Haha Jack Daniels is always a recipe for disaster!
    Stopping by from the blog hop! Am now a new follower:) Would love if you could follow me back!

  3. My mom called me Grace most of my life, and it took me longer than I'd like to admit to see the sarcasm behind it :) I have always been thankful to never have been pulled over for drunk driving because even sober I don't think I could pass the test! Stopped by from the blog hop, but I'm leaving as a follower! I would really love it if you stopped by and followed me back!