I'm proud to say that the men in my life that I call friends, that are dads and pay child support are all the prime example of what a dad should do. They pay what they're ordered to, when they're ordered to. They spend as much time as humanly possible with their kids. They put their children at the top of their priority list. And for all of those things...I wish they were my kids dad.
Before this goes down hill quickly and turns into an ex-dumb dumb bashing frenzy, let me give you a quick history of my situation. I've been divorced for 8 1/2 years. Since then, my girls and I have lived with my dad. However, I do not live there for free. I pay my own way as well as for everything for my children.
What their dad is court ordered to pay for 2 children is considerably less than what all of my male friends are ordered to pay for 1 child. It's miniscule compared to what it actually costs to provide for them. Over the course of the past 8 1/2 years, I've tried child support recovery, I've taken him back to court, I've tried to work with him...but I've NEVER been able to rely on receiving any amount of support with any kind of regularity or stability. At this present moment, he owes me over $45,000. This does include $15,000 from the equity in our house...which he finds debatable.
Last week I did some calculations. Just for this year so far (Jan-Jun), he's averaging $150 a month...which is what he's supposed to be paying a week. I'm averaging more than that just for school lunches and medical costs (not including the actual premium). When I brought this to his attention, his response was "Well, I had to put a starter in my truck." Really?!?! Should I bring up the fact that I've forked out more than $1500 in the past couple of months for car repairs and maintenance? That's LIFE!!!
Anyway, my point is this: You don't get to pick and choose when and how much you pay. The judge decided that a long time ago. If you're currently not making enough to pay for your responsibilities, get a second job or a third!!! I'm busy raising our children on my own. If I didn't have them 98% of the time, I'd be out looking for a part time job...but then if I wasn't paying for 98% of their expenses, I'd be doing okay financially.
There are so many dad's out there that don't understand that by paying child support, they are NOT putting EXTRA money in their ex's pockets. They are helping to provide a life for their kids. Considering how much I'm covering, it's none of his damn business what I spend my money on...or if I'm going on vacation or whatever. Just because I'm able to take my kids to the beach (only because of my mom) doesn't excuse him from paying that week.
I've heard of horror stories from both sides of this. Because I've been sympathetic and lenient, I get screwed over. If I was the cold hearted bitch that I've been accused of being...he'd be sitting in a jail cell. I'm just tired of being made to feel like a bill collector and like I should be so incredibly thankful for the little bit that I do get. You're not doing me a favor by giving me money!!!
Okay, I think I'm done venting. I hope I've made my point...and not made myself look like a gold digger. I'll be back to my good ol' funny self in no time. Please take a minute to click the banner below to cast your vote for me...even if it's just a pity vote, I'm cool with that. Also, you can follow me on Facebook by clicking here.
Your a good strong mom!! I have the same issues, except I have not taken him to court! It's been 7 years and I just don't want the drama and bill collector issues.. He does not see or hear from his kids so I choose not to proceed from the courts. Am I stupid for not fighting?? I know I won't get anything, so I don't make him pay! I keep him at a distance with his girls since he does not have time for his girls. He has two others kids now he lives with and takes care of. So I guess he does not need his girls. That's the way I see it.
ReplyDeleteWell in my opinion, whether you need or want the money or not...if they're ordered to pay, I think they should be made to pay. Especially if he chooses not to be a part of their lives.
ReplyDeleteI am lucky that I've never had to deal with the Child Support issues that a lot of mothers have. It's so sad. I have joint custody and my son's father is very much a part of my son's life....and we split the cost of everything, so Child Support was never sought after. I hate what you're dealing with. It's not a joy ride for single mom's. It's tough making it, much less supporting chilren on your own! Been there. Done that. And I totaly agree with you. If the dad chooses NOT to be a part of their lives, then the dead beat Dad's need to take responsibility!
ReplyDeleteWell it certainly isn't voluntary. One should pay for it timely, if not then the police will have something to say about that.
ReplyDeleteIt KILLS me that people (moms and dads alike) act like they have a choice. I am not the custodial parent and I give way more than I'm supposed to. And honestly, I don't have it to give, but I make it work. My ex makes a lot more than I do, but I still do as much as I can.
ReplyDelete