Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Clowns Gone Wild - A Girl's Trip...Part 2

Click here if you missed part 1 of this comedic tale....

After Chiquita read part 1, the following IM conversation took place:

C: Part 1 almost made me cry.  I can't wait to read part 2.  Just don't forget I almost choked you too.
G: I know.  Don't worry.  I wanna make sure everyone knows I got my payback.
C: Do you need me to proof it or are you gonna write it from your beer goggles mind set.
G: I'll let you proof it...but I may keep my goggles on, so I don't feel quite so stupid.
C: Don't forget one of the reasons your readers love you is because you can laugh AT YOURSELF!!
G: Don't yell at me!!!

So here goes nothing...I hope by the end you'll be laughing WITH me...NOT at me.  I knew there was a reason why I had decided to stick with beer as my drink of choice when in a public setting....the reason had just escaped me, until now.  I should probably mention now, that Lollipop and Chiquita had an agenda.  They're plan was to get me and Sunflower some action.

Friday night we went out to dinner at a nearby restaurant that the condo maintenance guy told Lollipop about...that he happened to bartend at too.  It was delicious!!!  And he sent us on our way with his "Aaron's Pink Lemonade" shot.  As you can see, they look quite tasty....and if you read between the lines, they spell T-R-O-U-B-L-E!!!  

We thought we were we decided to head to the infamous Club Lavela.  Where we quickly realized we were in fact old enough to be most of these people's parents.  So instead of leaving we just drank help us forget we were old.  I admit we had the BEST spot in the bar for people watching.  There was the girl wearing what can only be described as a black & fluorescent lime green spandex mini dress shirt...and boy could she move.  Her friend tried her damnedest to stick close and pull her mini dress shirt back down every time her panties decided to play peek-a-boo with whichever boy's crotch she was bouncing around on...

Several cocktails later, I decided to be silly and go dance by myself...trying to lure any of my friends to join me.  Sunflower finally joined me for a sec...but I guess she hadn't had as many cocktails as me, because she left me.  Then Lollipop came out there with me...and then I left her (maybe...I don't remember).  Next thing I remember is Chiquita and Lollipop working their way to the stage!!!  Then there they are in all their glory...dirty dancing with the little girls that were maybe 5 years older than my oldest child.  While Sunflower and I are trying to take damning pictures of the only 2 of us that are "taken"...Sunflower points out the girl dancing up on the pedestal could pass for Beelay.  CHECK!!!  I'm done...we're leaving.

Here's where it gets a little hazy.  We happened upon a neat little bar...where Lollipop decided to try pimp me and Sunflower out.  ***Damn good thing Chiquita was DD...after all we are responsible adults.  We make a beeline to the bathroom and then the bar.  Lollipop approaches a group of guys and tells this one guy "Go hit on my friend and take your glasses off while you do it."...and he did it!!  He bought me a beer and I straight-faced said "Thank you Scott." and he said "Huh? My name is Ryan...but my friends call me Christ because I'm so giving."  To which I just felt his shirt and said "Well, this feels like cheap linen." <----Huh? WTF was I talking about?  

***I really wish I could share the whole IM convo I'm having right now with Chiquita and Sunflower...trying to clarify what isn't so clear.  

Lollipop was quite the bossy bitch.  When a friend of Ryan Scott Christ went to the other end of the bar to order a drink...she ordered him to come order it by us and told him not to stick his ass out that way.  Turns out he was on the brink of proposing to his girlfriend.  Some how in conversation everyone started comparing their license pictures and he told Chiquita she looked like a Mexican and she called him a racist and decided that his name would be Pedro.  At some point the bar turned into a spa....with massages and all.  Don't ask...because I really don't know.

Then there's the ONLY single guy in the group.  Sweet adorable Danimal...who was maybe 5'2".  I think he really took a liking to Sunflower.  Apparently I was begging to leave the whole time we were there...and I guess I talked Sunflower into leaving (again I have ZERO recollection) of this.  We were sitting in the car when I had this great idea that I was gonna go make out with Christ.  They're saying I threw her to the wolves...and abandoned our plan to escape.  After that I guess it was only fair that after I kissed Christ, he turned and walked away (because he had a girlfriend...who buys a girl a beer, shots and jello shots when they have a GIRLFRIEND?)  Anyway, this must have really burst my bubble...because I then went back to the car and pouted like a 3 year old.

I may have the timing all wrong but Chiquita eventually came out to the car and noticed the midget on the patio, rocking the Bieber bangs...and decided it was time to go before Pimp Mama spotted him and had him stashed under the seat of the car.  Why we all nominated Chiquita to be our DD is beyond me.  Great idea for the most directionally challenged of us all to be the only sober one left to navigate us through a town none of us knew our way around.  She tells me she was on the verge of a full on panic attack when I tried to smother her.  Whatevs.

Lollipop secretly called Jinx while we were lost...but she just sat in the backseat with her phone to her ear.  When asked who she was talking to, she said "nobody"...and when he told her the next day she drunk dialed him, she said "No I didn't." "Who did then?" "Sunflower."  Poor Sunflower just kept getting thrown under the bus.  By the time Chiquita FINALLY got us back to the condo (no thanks to the rest of us drunk assholes), we all had to pee....and I had to PUKE!!  She took a picture of all 3 of us squatting around someone else's car peeing...and me puking.  All you can really see is my WHITE ass...thanks to all the sun I got.  Eventually we made it to the condo...unlocked the door and then the key went missing for the next 24 hours.

We had made a deal that we would all take turns between sleeping in the bed and having to sleep on the pullout.  That night was supposed to be Chiquita and Sunflowers turn...oops, I forgot.  Again, they say....I laid down with my head at the foot of the bed and promptly passed out...

You'll have to wait until part 3 to read about how we wannabe rockstars spent the rest of our vacation.  I really tried to fit it into 2 parts...but there's just too much funniness to share.  Stay tuned....and follow me here, like me on Facebook and vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs by clicking the banner below.  Thanks for reading....hope you've enjoyed.

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1 comment:

  1. Chiquita can't seem to figure out how to here's what she has to say: Don't forget about Lollipop mooning all the people as we drove down the strip and I (Chiquita) reer'd at them.