Monday, June 25, 2012

Clowns Gone Wild - A Girl's Trip...Part 3

For those of you just joining this circus you can read part 1 here and part 2 here.  Where we left off in part 2, I was totally relying on the recollection of others.  My last cognitive memory was of us leaving Club La Vela.  The next thing I remember is Chiquita waking me up at 7:30 am with a bottle of water and some advil...good thing she still loved me after the night before.  I was still fully clothed...bra and everything.  Lollipop was peacefully dreaming next to me and all I could think was "What the hell happened?" And then we were all asking "Where the hell is the key?"  Thank God nobody else realized it, but we did leave the door unlocked for the remainder of our stay.

Who's great idea was it to do a 9am dolphin cruise to Shell Island?  Oh wait, that was me...wasn't it?  Obviously I wasn't taking into consideration that we'd probably be suffering from "Rockstar-itus" and then the fact that there was a boat involved.  SHIT!!!  I jumped up and showered and brushed the fowlness out of my mouth and put on my big girl panties and brave face.  Let's do this bitches.

Lollipop and I gave it our best effort and really didn't even start feeling the rumblies until after we left Shell Island and were on our return voyage back to the mainland.  I'm not sure what thoughts were running through her head while she was laying flat on her tummy with her face buried in her arms...but I know I was watching the open water giving myself a silent pep talk.  "You can do this.  No more yacking.  Deep breaths.  We're almost there."

By 3pm we finally made it back to the condo...and after doing a floor to ceiling search of our purses, suitcases, drawers, there was still no sign of our key.  Oh well, time to partake in some of the hair of the dog that bit me.  Drink up!!  We spent the rest of the day lounging on the beach...and me nodding off several times and being woken up by my own snores.

I'll tell you now, that I'm medicated.  Daily I take my ADHD meds, claratin, my anti-depressant & a multi-vitamin...and a sleeping pill at night.  Don't judge me...they make my life and those around me much much much more bearable.  Before we left town, I counted out all of my meds for the weekend and threw them in a zip-loc baggy...not exactly the best idea (I know this), but it's better than taking ALL of my meds with me and them some how getting lost.  Well I noticed around 8ish that my claratin and my sleeping pill looked an awful lot alike.  AAAHA!!!  That partially explains my comatose state and my sporadic naps throughout the day.  Oops.

By 9pm, we're all showered and once again sitting around the table reading our books and discussing the fact that we're spending our last night at the beach doing the most LAME thing ever.  Then it hits us.  Let's go catch crabs!!  There's probably a reason you only go crabbing at the dark.  Could you imagine the number of America's Funniest Home Videos entries there would be if there was light?  You've got 4 grown women chasing crabs on the beach with no tools, other than our flashlights.  Obviously Chiquita and Lollipop have the bigger balls in our group...because I was happy spotting them and chasing them and letting the others actually catch them.  BUT then we all started giving Sunflower hell about being a chicken and squealing like a girl...and I realized I was the pot calling the kettle black.  All the sudden I grew a tiny little set and decided I was gonna be brave for a sec and just snatched that clawed little bastard right out of Lollipop's hand. FUCK!!!!!  I'd gone almost the whole trip without getting hurt and now I've got blood running down my finger!!  Yeah, turns out you're not supposed to grab them near their eyeballs.  Who knew?

Sadly our little escape was coming to an end. The next morning we packed up the car and cleared out the condo...all of us with thoughts of the $40 lockout fee in the backs of our minds.  When Lollipop saved the day...she found the damn key up under the nightstand.  Of course, we're certain she's the one that tossed it really she was just saving her own ass.  

We (I) needed to make 2 stops before we hit the road.  Target, because I spotted that they had recycling bins and I'm green dammit!!  I did my best to save all of our beer cans and bottles...even though my fellow clowns weren't much help.  Of course, I'm used to the recycling man picking all of mine up at the curb....I had no idea I was supposed to like rinse them out and shit before I took them to Target.  Oops, that kinda left a wet, stinky mess.  My bad.  And second stop, Ron Jon's to pick up some t-shirts for my offspring.  It hits me while we're browsing...I manage to keep it together long enough for all of us to finish our shopping.  Thank GOD for Sunflower asking where the nearest bathroom is...ACROSS THE STREET!?!?!  WTF?!?!  RUN!!!!!!!

You wanna talk about a power pooper?  We all walked in together, but by the time everyone else was done peeing, flushing and exiting their stalls...I'd already pooped, flushed, washed my hands and was waiting for their slow asses.  TMI you say? Well, too bad...that's how we roll!!!

The trip home was rather uneventful other than the flipped over car in Dothan, AL, the trip through the hood in Columbus, GA and seeing Mr. Ed whip his hair back and forth (if you don't have kids, look up Willow Smith's song)...We even missed our exit (on purpose) to get this pic.


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  1. Hi! I'm following you from the Mom's Monday Mingle blog hop! Look forward to reading more! I would appreciate the follow back! Thanks! -Kat

  2. New follower from the mingle. Would love a follow back