Monday, February 27, 2012

How my long weekend went to shit...literally!!

I don't work on Fridays, but I usually don't have the pleasure of having my kids home with me.  This past weekend was a 4-day weekend for them.  School was out Friday & Monday.  I was surprisingly excited about having this long weekend with them....maybe it was because they both had sporadic plans that were pretty much going to leave me with only one or neither of them at a time.  SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!!!  That's not what the stars had in mind for me.  I deserve that damn MOTY crown after this!!!

Friday went down without a hitch.  Everyone got along (for the most part), all of their chores got done and I had a much needed dinner date with my favorite hairdresser (she buys my love w/ friendly  Both of the girls had plans to spend the night out at friends houses.  But just as I was drifting off to peaceful dreams that were sure to be uninterrupted by bad dreams, my cat screaming (she doesn't meow) or a wandering dog that's escaped from one of the girl's phone rings!!!  It's 1am and I'm thinking it's my oldest calling because she's just now realized she hasn't actually talked to me since dinner (like I'd asked her to).  WRONG!!  It's the mom of the friend that SLou is spending the night with.  She has an upset tummy and really wants to come home, but I suspected she just wanted to come home because she's sometimes funny like that.  No biggie, they live in the neighborhood...I was back in my bed in less than 10 min.

My dreams of sleeping ALONE are squashed.  Just as I'm getting good and asleep, she jumps over me to run to the bathroom....only she doesn't make it.  She throws up all in the hall, on the floor and on the door...and even a little bit in the bathroom.  The poor thing has it in her hair and the usual "other end" symptom that comes along with a tummy bug.  By now it's almost 3am.  I finally get her in the shower and while she's getting cleaned up, I attempt to clean up the mess in the hallway...considering it's outside my dad's bathroom door and not ours.  But I finally give up and just cover it with a towel, so if he steps on it in the morning it's not immediate cold chunks between his toes. (Sorry, I'm going for the gross factor on this one.)

We make it through the rest of the night without any more excitement.  By noon she's feeling much better and STARVING, so we're thinking it was just something she ate.  So she goes about her day eating and snacking like normal...with just a few little trips to the bathroom.  Nothing to indicate that she's still really sick.  So I allow my older daughter to keep her original plans to go to a party and then have a few friends spend the night. 

It had been a long day, so after going to the movies with a couple of my girlfriends and getting in the hot tub w/ Lolipop...I tucked SLou in by 11pm and I dozed off somewhere around 1am.  Well I woke up at 2am to what I thought was just SLou coughing and getting some water from the bathroom sink. WRONG AGAIN!!!  This time she didn't make it out of her bed (thank GOD she wasn't in my bed).  She blew chunks all in her bed and on the carpet in her room....this time it was on her cream carpet, so there was no covering it with a towel and waiting til morning to shampoo it.  So while SLou was once again showering at 3am, I was steam cleaning carpets!!!  So all day Sunday was spent recovering and making up for lost sleep from the past 2 nights of excitement.  After all, I had to work the next day.

Fast forward to 6am on Monday.  My alarm had just gone off and I had just hit snooze, when I hear Beelay run past my bedroom door and yell "Mama".  I jump up and run to the bathroom, thinking "GREAT, there goes my extra 10 min. of sleep!!"  Although my pitifully loud puker, yacked all day long...she did continue to make it to the toilet every time.  I did have to leave her for a while to run into the office for a few hours and by the time I was on my way home, she said she was feeling better and REALLY wanted a cookies 'n cream milkshake.  Against my better judgement, I gave in.  So it was my own damn fault that I wasn't retiring the steam cleaner just yet.  While laying in my bed with her, I managed to knock my tea off the night stand with my pillow.  After getting that all cleaned up, she requested that I put a blanket over the window to block some of the glare off the t.v.  They call me Grace for a very good reason.  I went to step on the other nightstand, and knocked her milkshake among other things into the floor.  So here we are with oreo's smeared all in my cream carpet!!! Time to break out the shampooer AGAIN!!!

After 4 days of poor Beelay having it come out both ends and not always making it to the bathroom in time...I finally took her to the doctor.  I knew it was a waste of my time and money and they were gonna tell me it was a virus that had to run it's course and just to keep her hydrated.  But they also gave her some anti-nausea meds too...and said to let her stay home one more day and if she wasn't better by Monday to come back.  Welllll, 6am on Friday...guess what happened!!!  It came back and hit SLou with a vengance!! The poor child has been off and on both ending it all weekend.  But both kids wanted to get out of the house and I couldn't argue...this mama needed a B-R-E-A-K!!!  I tagged out and sent one to their dad's and the other to his parents...with fingers crossed that nobody else came down with this shitty plague!!!  And high hopes that it would be GONE by the time they came home.  It was a nice thought, but once again at 11pm last night...SLou blew chunks all over my bathroom!!  We are now on day please everyone pray that this is the last update on this topic and the nasty beast has vacated my home and my babies and there will be no more to report coming from either end.

Have a great week!!!  And don't forget to go "like" my page on FaceBook at

Sunday, February 19, 2012

My favorite soldier...

For an update about what's been going in the life of here
Let me tell you about my favorite soldier.  We met at a 4th of July party in 2005...although I'm 90% sure he has zero recollection of that night.  Who knew we'd become best friends?  Certainly not me...I thought he was the biggest dumbass I'd ever met, after he set off fireworks on the railing of the deck, that in turn tipped over and went off into the crowd of people watching.  Luckily only 3 of us were hurt.  My scar is no longer visible but the memory of that night will never be forgotten.
Our friendship was centered around good times and partying in the beginning and then transformed into one that revolved around close friends and our children.  He was a single dad that only really got to spend time with his daughter during the summer...and has a son he's never met (not for a lack of trying on his part).  But my girls gravitated towards him from the very beginning.  He loves them as if they're his own and would take a bullet for any of his kids.

Us & my girls.

It was for his children that he chose to join the army 2 years ago.  He wanted to improve himself and to be able to provide better for them and himself.  It was the single hardest decision he ever made and I am convinced it was the BEST decision he's made!!  He has found his calling.  He LOVES what he does and has excelled and advanced in his field.  We are so proud of you Sparky!!  And although I miss you everyday, especially the ones that I could really use one of your magical bear hugs...I know you're making a difference and you're someone I'm happy to call my family!!

John & his wife, Amy :)

Since joining the Army, our time with him has been very sporadic and rushed...but we've made every second count.  God was on our side when it worked out that he was able to be home for his 30th birthday last January.  It was a bittersweet celebration because although we were celebrating his birthday, we all knew that it could be the last time we saw him.  He shipped out to Afghanistan on my birthday, Jan. 31, 2011...but not before calling me to sing happy birthday too.  His calls were few and far between, but thanks to Facebook and Skype we were able to stay in touch.  He was able to send threats to any boys talking to my girls, letting them know that even from Afghanistan...his aim was dead-on.

Sparky with his daughter & mom!!

Fast forward 367 days to Feb. 2, 2012.  He was finally state-side again.  And on Feb. 16, 2012...I finally got that bear hug I'd been needing for the last 401 days!!  Unfortunately it was his shortest visit yet.  He was only in town for 16 hours.  But we made it the visit he'll hold closest to his heart.  A dinner that was supposed to only consist of him, his wife, me and my girls and his brother, sister in-law and neice...was actually a party of 50!!  We even made the front page of the local paper.

John meeting his neice for the very fist time!!

Friday, February 10, 2012

My children...the funny things they say & do!!

Beeylay @ 7 years old & SLou @ 4 years old:  I pick up SLou from daycare and the teacher tells me that she's had a little bit of a time with SLou and her potty mouth.  I ask what she said and the teacher tells me "Well, 'So & So' spit in her face and she pushed him and said 'Quit spittin on me F**KER!!"  I was mortified!!  I admit that I cuss like a sailor...but not around my kids and especially not that word!!  Fast forward to dinner that night at Chili's with (we'll call her) Crash and her daughter after trying on flower girl dresses.  I had to get onto Beelay for something...I have no idea what it was.  But she says to me "Whatever, it's still not as bad as what SLou said at school today!!"  Crash looks at me with those eyes that are saying "What did she say now?"  I try to quietly mouth it to her but SLou chimes in LOUDLY with "Nuuhhh unnnhhhh, I said QUIT SPITTIN ON ME F**KER!!"  Crash's jaw drops and her face turns bright red while she's trying (and failing) to keep a straight face.  I had to leave the table to keep myself from completely losing it in front of the kids...because with my kids (especially SLou), if they think you think something is funny...they're going to continue to do it to make you laugh. 

SLou @ 3 years old: When she was in pre-school, my dad often picked her up on his way home from work.  One day he called me and said "You need to call the school and talk to the director.  Apparently SLou had a potty mouth at school today."  I asked what she said and he said "Just call Kathy, I'm not comfortable repeating it."  This of course scared the crap out of me, so I called immediately.  Turned out she called some kid a "pussy head".  Of course even at 3 years old, she insisted that she called him a "pussy cat" and the teachers surely misunderstood her.  I don't care which word she really used.  "Pussy head" became a permanent word in mine & my friends vocabulary...away from the kids of course.  And the fact that my dad couldn't bring himself to repeat it to me...ensues a whole other giggle-fest!!

Beelay @ 6 years old: She came home from her daddy's and announced that she knew another word for a donkey.  I said "Oh yeah, what's that?" (Because you know I'm always looking for ammunition)  She says "An assjack!!"  I said "Well, actually it's a jack ass, but don't EVER say it again."  And yet another word that has stuck through the years.

Beelay @ 11 years old & SLou @ 8 years old: A couple years ago I thought it would be a good idea to take the girls to the chiropractor for the first time.  He adjusted me first, and while he had me in what could be confused as a questionable position...both girls start giggling uncontrollably.  He left the room for a few minutes and SLou said "He looks more like the doctor of loooooove to me.  I don't think he was wearing a ring Mama" While doing the whole eyebrow thing.  Beelay says "I think he's gay."  And then he walks back in to adjust them...which is when it dawned on me just how paper thin the walls were in his office.

SLou @ 8 years old: I had an eyelash on my cheek and she got it and said "You should probably save this.  It's gonna be worth a fortune one day." I asked "Yeah, why's that?" "Because you're my mom and I'm gonna be the president one day."

SLou's Pre-K Graduation:

Beelay @ 8 years old: While hanging out at my friend Lolipop's house, I was playing on her computer and Beelay was playing with my hair and rubbing my shoulders and then all the sudden I hear "BZZZZZ!!!  Mommy, doesn't this back massager feel good???"  Lollipop was a "Surprise Party" use your imagination.

My 13 year old is a whiner and a procrastinator.  She will use any possible ailment to get out of doing her chores, homework or anything else she doesn't want to do.  So last week she says "Uggggh, my cramps are sooooo bad!!!  I think I'm dying!!"  I say "Just wait, it's only gonna get worse."  She says "Well, guess it's a good thing you're gonna be going through menopause soon then, huh?"  I'm 34!!  Some asked if I smacked her...and while I probably should have, I did not.  I gave credit where credit was due...and told her that was a good one.

While trying on dresses with my 10 year old, she kept looking at herself in the mirror and poking her belly really OUT!!  I asked her stop a couple of times before I finally started pushing her belly in for her.  She says LOUDLY "Stop, you're gonna hurt the baby!!!"  And then when I push her tummy again, she says just as loudly "You're gonna be a terrible grandmother!!"  and busts out laughing.  I can only imagine what the lady working the fitting room thought of the cast of the new upcoming show "10 & Pregnant" or "Adolescent Moms".

I picked Beelay up at school last week and she says "My whole spanish class thinks you're a midget."  "Ummm, why?"  "Because Mr. "Teacher" was telling a story and called someone a midget and I told him that they weren't called midgets...they're called little people." He apparently dismissed her attempt at political correctness (we all know how pc my kids are).  So she told him that her mom was a midget.  And now he wants a picture to prove it!! 

I am POSITIVE that I'm leaving some great stories out, but I think this post is long enough.  I'd hate for anyone to get bored while reading about the comic strip that is my life.  If you haven't already, go like me on FB at  Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

Monday, February 6, 2012

My Birthday Blog

My birthday was last Tuesday.  On my birthday, I ALWAYS wake up thinking of my friend Terri.  She was one of those friends that was there for you whenever you needed her and knew exactly what to say when you needed advice.  She was ALWAYS the first person to call me on my birthday...ALWAYS!!  God, took her from us 5 1/2 years ago.  Not a day goes by that I don't think of her and wish I could pick up the phone and call her.  This isn't about being sad.  This is to remind us all that nobody is promised tomorrow!!  Make sure your friends and family know you love them.  Be a friend you'd like to have.

My birthday seems to be as good a day as any to take a step back and assess my relationships. Appreciate the ones that build me up.  Walk away from the ones that tear me down.  Make sure I'm being the friend that my friends deserve to have...and distance myself from the ones that are one sided.  These are my Rules of Friendship Etiquette:

1. Be honest - If your friend has hurt your feelings, talk to them about it!!  Don't let it fester and talk to EVERYONE but them about it.  Part of being a great friend is being honest with each other.  True friends don't always sugar coat the hard to swallow stuff...and they have also have to be able to listen to the things they may not want to hear.

2. Be reliable - If you commit to doing something...DO IT!!  If something comes up, just say so.  Don't just NOT show up or call.

3. Be prompt - If you make plans with someone for a certain time, be on time!!  It's RUDE and INCONSIDERATE to make people wait for you.  Their time is just as important as yours and your procrastination and tardiness says that you really don't care about their time.

4. Be available - If you're constantly turning down invites to hang out with your friends, eventually the invites will stop coming.  Everyone has busy lives, but if you're not willing to make time to spend with those that are important to you...then they must not be that important to you.

5. Don't be a SINGLE-ONLY friend.  When you start dating someone, don't just crawl up their ass and disappear...only to show your face again when there are problems and you need a shoulder to cry on.  

6. Don't be an only when you need something friend.  Don't just call someone when you need something.  Call them just to check on them, to see how they're doing.  Friendship is a 2-way street.  Make sure you're looking both ways.  Think about your friendships.  Think about who you depend and lean on the most...can they say you're as supportive of them as they are of you?  I've witnessed and experienced both sides of these relationships.  We've all been guilty of it...but recognize it and do something about it.

7. Be your friend's biggest fan and cheerleader!!  Let them know when you're proud of them.  Tell them when they look nice.  Encourage them to make the right choices in their lives.  Often times friends can see more from the outside looking in, than you can up close and personal.  

8. Be loyal - If someone is your friend, you don't talk about them behind their back.  You stick up for them when you do hear someone talking bad about them.  You don't date each others exes either!!

9. Don't be a doormat.  Don't be the friend that everyone relies on, but when you need someone...nobody is around for you.  Express your opinions and be yourself.  You're allowed to tell someone no when they ask you for a favor.  Don't allow yourself to be used!!

10. Have fun!!  If you and your friends don't laugh til you cry, snot or pee yourself...then there is something wrong!!!

I can honestly say that I have AMAZING friends!!  They help me be a better mom and person in general.  They encourage me and support me.  They make me feel special on my birthday!!  I love you all!!

And here are MY  one birthday rule for FOREVER:

1. My children aren't allowed to speak...other than to say Happy Birthday, yes ma'am, please and thank you or I LOVE YOU!!