What I'd Really Like To Say....

Families would be so much less dysfunctional if everyone could just be honest and say how they really feel and be heard without defenses going up and blame being thrown around like a hot potato.  Hearing the truth sometimes hurts, but if your family can't tell you the truth; who can? Part of growing up is admitting when you're wrong, learning how to compromise and sometimes just agree to disagree.  If you're one of those people who thinks they're never wrong, you must live in a very lonely world.

I've been dealing with some family drama for going on 6 weeks.  I've tried to stay out of it, but still let my feelings about it be known.  For years, I felt like I was the only person that would stand up to this particular family member and now that someone else has, I'm backing them up from a distance....if that makes sense.  But now I feel like "no good deed goes unpunished".  

So here are some random things that I'd really like to say to random family members....

1. No matter how old we are, our parents are still our parents and deserve to be respected and appreciated.
2. I'm a mom too...and really Mother's Day is just another day to me.
3. Your birthday is not a national holiday.
4. Don't talk on your phone at the dinner table.  Excuse yourself or offer to return the call later.
5. Just because someone offers, doesn't mean you should necessarily accept.
6. Usually, if you ignore something it usually doesn't go away....it just gets bigger and bigger.
7. NOBODY is perfect!!
8. Jealousy only makes bad situations worse. 
9. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to, because they're the right thing to do.



This post is probably gonna hurt some feelings, but it was the only way I felt I could vent the things that were stewing inside me.  I love my family...my parents, my siblings, my kids and my extended family.  Most everything above has been said to the face of the person it's intended, but not necessarily heard or accepted.  Don't take your family for granted.  You never know what tomorrow holds.

Whew...now that I got all of that off my chest, I feel soooooo much better.

Raising Teenage Girl Probs....

Ok, ok, ok....I know I've been a terribly shitty blogger lately.  My only excuse is that I haven't had time.  Bite me.  But I would like to thank those of you that have been pushing, prodding and nagging me to get my act together and come up with some new material.  So without further adieu...

My 14 year old daughter actually asked me the other day when she could get on birth control.  That's right...14!!!  Not for the actual birth control part though.  She's having some really rough cycles.  I hate it for her, I REALLY DO!!  I remember how bad it could be...and really how bad it still can be for me if I weren't on birth control myself.  I try to be sympathetic, but you're not missing a week of school because Aunt Flow is in town.  So I have been suckered into letting her miss first PERIOD (pun intended) a time or two, but when you grow up; you gotta learn to push through it.

I'm sure you all want to know my answer, right?  Well, I actually said "we'll talk about it when you're 30." And prayed she would get the hell out of my room....which of course she didn't.  She wanted to talk about when I got on the pill and when I had sex for the first time, GASP!!!!  Apparently one night when I had one too many glasses of wine or had already taken my sleeping pill and my judgement was WAY off, I admitted to her how old I was when I lost my virginity.  I hope I also shared with her some great words of wisdom and successfully talked her into being a virgin until she's at least 25.  But honestly I don't remember telling her anything.  DAMMIT!!!

After she dropped all of that in my lap and I swallowed my shock and embarrassment, I explained to her that the reason I didn't want her on the pill (even if it is to regulate her period, cramps, hormones, etc.), because I felt like it would encourage her to make bad choices.  That I felt like when my mom put me on the pill, she was giving me permission to have sex.  Even though I know without a doubt that wasn't the case.  

I believe I ended the conversation with "Go take some ibuprofen.  Plug in the heating pad and we'll talk about this in a couple of years."  So just when I thought this whole subject had been dealt with, they pass this INSANITY that will allow a 15 year old to buy the "morning after" pill.  ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME????  

I don't want my girls to even know there's a "Plan B" out there.  Trust me when I say, I'm not naive.  I know that the chances of both of them waiting until they're married are minuscule, but a mom can hope and pray; can't she?  

I do feel pretty confident that at least my older daughter and I have a very open relationship.  She is often times, too comfortable talking to me about certain things.  I'm not complaining.  I hope that when the time comes for her to take a relationship to "that" level, she'll make responsible decisions.  That she'll ALWAYS use protection, even if she is on the pill.  See, I'm not in total denial.  Eventually I'll give in and let her get on BC, but NOT at 14 or 15...or maybe even 16.  I'll just cross that bridge when we get to it.  

Bottom line, I don't think "Plan B" should be an option.  I'm afraid that CHILDREN won't understand that a condom is still important because no pill prevents STDs.  I'm still a firm supporter of preaching abstinence!!

I know this wasn't the funny post ya'll were hoping for, but it's what was on my mind when I finally found the time to write.  I'll try to be more entertaining next time.  Until then, follow me on Facebook.  Peace!!        

Growing Old...Gracefully?

I hit my mid-30s last week.  I'm fine with it...really.  But at 35, should I really be worrying about zits, wrinkles, chin hairs and gray hair?  I've been having to pluck the same black chin hair since right after having my second baby.  Now all of the sudden I have like 3-4 of those bastards.  I've been spotting the occasional gray hair here and there for a few months, but this morning when I pulled my bangs back; there's a whole flipping stripe of them!!!  Here's my pursuit to growing old...gracefully or vainly.
 
I started coloring my hair in 7th or 8th grade.  I don't remember asking my mom's permission.  It was just something Blondie & I started doing as soon as we were old enough to walk to Drug Emporium and buy it ourselves.  We started out gradually.  We'd squirt lemon juice in our hair before we'd lay out in the back yard....then we graduated to spraying "Sun In" in our hair every day before we'd blow dry it.  Then for some reason; when we got ballsy enough to actually buy a box of hair color, we bought that "Loving Care" brand....that I'm pretty sure was for old ladies trying to cover up their gray.  Let me tell you how well that turned out.  A few days after going a little (or a lot) blonder, my family left for vacation.  Two days in the highly chlorinated pools...my hair was GREEN!!!  Like the color of algae!!  It was horrible.  I'm sure my parents were probably laughing on the inside when they suggested I call the 800 customer service # on the box.  I don't remember the customer service rep holding her laughter in on the inside.  I'm pretty sure she was SAYING all of the right things through her bouts of laughter.

The chemical reaction scared me enough to lay off the dye...until summer was over.  Then the algae had grown out and my courage had returned.  We settled on "Nice 'n Easy"...and it was perfect!!!  I was the exact shade of blonde I'd always dreamed of.  Both of my siblings were toe headed...and as the token brunette, I always felt left out.  I finally belonged in my family.  I know this sounds ridiculous....and I'm saying most of it in jest.

As I got older and wiser...at the ripe old age of 17, I decided I wanted a change.  I'd had enough blonde.  I wanted to be a redhead....more like the color of cabernet.  I HATED IT!!!  And it wasn't as simple as just re-dying it blonde.  Being the hair color specialists that I thought I was...and my sister and her friend too, we went to Sally Beauty Supply.  How hard could it possibly be to strip the color from my hair?  After 6 hours of applying the blue paste to my hair, letting it take, rinsing and reapplying...waiting and waiting, my hair was capable of spontaneous combustion and it was ORANGE!!!  

Thank GOD my mother took mercy on me...and paid the $$$ to have it professionally taken care of.  After that Graceful Disaster, I decided I'd be better off just sticking with the blonde locks that suit me so well.  Well, until Blondie actually went to cosmetology school and had a license to mix dye and bleach together....then I trusted her solely and completely and allowed her to use my hair as her canvas.  I quickly became a hair color junkie!!

After Blondie became a mom and cut back her days in the salon, I moved over to another of my best friends, Chuckles.  She's been doing my hair for 5+ years now.  And she's ALWAYS willing to change things up and play with my color.  I must say she was NOT the best thing for my addiction...but having close friends in the biz, I've never had to pay full price anyway.  But times have gotten lean and the first things to be trimmed from the budget are the extras.  A couple years ago I decided to go all natural.  I believe my words were "I'll just grow old gracefully...at least until I find my first gray hair."  Well, I've been in denial for a while about those mysterious "blonde" hairs.

I come from a long line of vain people.  At 15, my Gramma asked me where I got my blonde hair from....and I told her "The same place you got yours.  The bottle."  My mom still colors her hair.  Even my dad fought it for a while with his "Just For Men".  My dilemma now is, I'm so spoiled when it comes to hair color....I don't think I can go back to doing my own color.  So do I swallow it and just scrape up the money to have Chuckles do it or do I just sit back and let the gray take over?

And while we're on the subject of spending money on my beauty....I'm contemplating laser hair removal.  I can handle shaving my legs and arm pits....but I draw the line at shaving my face!!!  At what lengths have you gone to defy your age? I'd love to hear from all of  you!!
 
If you're new here, please follow me here on GFC, Facebook and Twitter.  I'm entertaining, I swear!!  Happy hump day y'all!!!

Got Gas?

I'm a gassy person by nature, as are my children.  I've failed miserably at teaching them the necessary tools required in either holding it in or simply easing it out.  When they were little, it was absolutely hilarious for them to blow it out.  But now that they're 14 and 11, it's a wee bit embarrassing...for me anyway.  They still think it's hysterical. Plus, my dad really doesn't find bathroom humor nearly as funny as he did when I was a kid.

Probably ten years ago; while on a family vacation, my brother and I were sharing a bedroom.  One morning I woke up and he wasn't in the other bed.  I found him on the couch, trying to smother himself with blankets and pillows...to block out the sun.  I asked "What the hell are you doing out here?"  To which he answered "I couldn't sleep because all you did all night was fart and giggle in your sleep!!"  "I call bullshit!!  You must've been dreaming."

Of course, I come home and tell my friends this story....and what do ya know?  Turns out he wasn't dreaming.  Apparently I poot and giggle in my sleep all the damn time and nobody thought it necessary to tell me about it.  I guess they were all just laughing at me behind my...back? 

All of this being said; Dumpling and I have now been together over 4 months.  My embarrassingly inappropriate children NEVER had any concept of whether it was normal to launch fart rockets in front of or in the general direction of mama's new boyfriend.  Thank GOD he has a great sense of humor and not a weak stomach.  This all leads me to the timeless question of:

When is it ok to just let ‘er rip?

There have been others to blog about this ageless conundrum.  Like Samantha over at "Bitches Gotta Eat"....she wanted to know When can you fart in a new person's bed? Warning, she will make you cry from laughter.  There have even been videos on youtube about "Breaking the barrier".  Watch it now:

Well, nothing takes this decision out of your hands like a ferocious stomach bug...in a house with only one working toilet.  That's right folks, he must REALLY love me...of course he could've been a real gentleman and acted like he didn't hear a peep, but in his words "Where's the fun in that?"

So needless to say, I guess we've broken the barrier.  I'd still rather not poop when he's in the house, but when ya gotta go...ya gotta go.  And if you're one of those girls who wants to pretend you don't poop or toot...live on in your misery!!  If you're one of those girls that really doesn't poop or toot, you should probably see a doctor.

PS: Dumpling, I'll be so happy when we have 2 working potties in the house.  And when I disappear upstairs with my Kindle in hand, just pretend you didn't notice.  Mmmkay?

If you're new here, please follow me on GFC, Facebook and Twitter.  I promise I won't blow up your feed with a bunch of useless crap (pun intended).  Thanks y'all for reading...