Thursday, September 27, 2012

Wanna bet?

I'm taking bets on which of my girls will be the death of me.  Which one will finally break that thin thread that is holding my sanity neatly inside my body.  At this point, it's anyone's game.

Yesterday, Beelay had volleyball tryouts at school until we were already gonna be later than normal getting home. 

B: "Ma, can I go to Main Event tonight?" (it's a Wed. night youth program at a church down the street.)  

M: "B, I don't know.  Let's get home first and we'll talk about it." 

B: "Well, I gotta know.  It starts in 30 minutes." 

M: "Are you serious?  Then I'm sorry.  The answer is no."

B: "MOM, it's CHURCH!!!  You're telling me NO to CHURCH???  It's the first time I've been able to go in weeks.  I really want to go!!"

M: "B, you think you've been busy?  Who's been driving you all of those places?  I'm sorry.  This is the ONLY night all week we don't have something going on.  You're not going."

B: "You're mean...."

Fast forward an hour or so.  Slou ran her mouth and got sent to her room. Beelay sat on the couch and played with Squirt.  Slou was called back downstairs and set the table.  Both girls bickered and Slou took it too far again and got sent to her room again.  We ate.  I called Slou back down to eat by herself and the next thing I know Beelay is gone on a walk with Squirt.  WTF?!?!  I tell my sister that I'd rather her (Beelay) come back in and help with the dishes.  She says "Oh, I'll help with the dishes."  Well thanks, but she has responsibilities and she keeps getting out of them because she's helping with the baby.

When she got back, I asked her to wipe the table off and wash the 3 hand washable pieces in the sink and wipe down the counters.  Trust me...that was getting off easy.  Dad doesn't know how to cook without dirtying up every dish in the kitchen.  She reluctantly does what she's asked and then I tell her that as soon as her sister is out of the shower, I want her in it and in bed by 10pm.

Here's what actually happened.  Let me start with a little TMI.  My lady parts have been kicking my ass so badly that it's hurt to stand up straight for almost 3 days.  So after I finished with my duties, I had a date with my heating pad and my DVR.  Slou took a shower, finished her homework and then came to lay with me.  At this point, where should Beelay be?  That's right, in the shower.

Instead she is baking EFFING cupcakes for her soccer team!!!  WTH!?!?!  And sending me the following texts.  Can't you feel the love?

I finally went downstairs after I tucked Slou in.  I seriously stood there and watched her unload....the....dishwasher slower than molasses.  She finally comes upstairs about 9:45...but did she get her stinky ass in the shower?  Oh hell no!!  She ran a damn bath!!!!!!  I had to remove my loving heating pad from my womb 3 times to tell her that time was up and to get out of the bathtub before she actually did.  Wanna know what time she finally got in the bed?  11pm!!!  Because of this, she is staying home this weekend.  No football games.  No birthday parties.  No sleepovers.  And what's really gonna suck is Sat. night....because I'm not staying home with her.  She can hang out with Pa!!  I'm checkin out for the night.  Peace!!!

Keep in mind that I reminded her multiple times that I needed to leave a few minutes early this morning and to make sure she had all of her volleyball stuff together before she went to bed...because she has tryouts again after school and practice with her other team after that.

I woke her up nicely at 7am.  I woke her up again at 7:15am...not as nicely.  She kept promising "I'll be ready!!"  At 7:50am (not early btw)...I was in my reverse, when she ran out the door brushing her teeth!!  She spit in the front yard and gargled with a cup of water and spit again and jumped in my car.  Are you serious?  Then she says "OMG, I hope my bra is in this bag!!"  What?  That's right.  She had to maneuver her DD's into their over the shoulder holder in the front seat of my car on the way to school.


So in case you thought you were riding this roller coaster alone, you're not.  I'm sitting on the front row...with my arms held high above my head, screaming at the top of my lungs and praying with all of my might that I'm still alive when the ride is however many years.

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  1. I love this!!! My girls drive me crazy, but I am thankful they aren't to the teen years, and don't have any boobies yet. DD are you effin kidding me? I swear if any of my girls get bigger boobies than mine I will seriously flipp!!!

  2. Oh my God this is a page out of my book, almost exactly. Running of the mouth, scoffing on the chores, bath instead of shower, running out the door nowhere NEAR early. It's like reading my own diary.

    Thanks for being a kindred spirit!!!


  3. ah! Girls!!! I have all the gross stuff from my two boys while you have all the drama!!
    Thanks so much for visiting my blog! I am now following you on GFC!

  4. lolol i don't know if that's cute or angry upset cute...i guess it's not my own ...poor you....feel better! New follower here stopping by from the Mommy-Brain Mixer, blog hop!

  5. I love u. Probably more than u know. I only have one. ONLY ONE...and, I am convinced she will be the death of me. I salute you. With both hands, bowing down, and hand you a tiara and 15dozen roses. You WIN. YOU WIN. Smooches, Cyn
    A.D.D. Music Mamma

  6. I totally enjoyed reading this. My eight year old gives me a run for my money everyday from the time we get up until we call it a night. I DREAD the teen years because his attitude has already started.
    Thanks for sharing. :)

  7. Ah oh my gosh, what a life with girls!! I'm due for my first girl in January and I have no doubt life will be like this in no time! Thanks for linking up for Mommy Moments!