Thursday, September 6, 2012

Fight On...Bitches!!!

Like probably every other mother out there, I had hoped that my teenage daughter would be the exception to the rule.  That she would never roll her eyes at me, question my authority, ignore me, test my patience beyond any safe level.  Of course I knew better...a LONG time ago!!  That kind of wishful thinking will always turn around and bitch slap you if you're not paying attention.

Currently we are having a battle of the wills.  God did not give me the gift of strong will.  I'm known to be the easygoing compassionate person in the room.  But God gave me girls.  Two very tenacious, haughty & STUBBORN girls.  One of which is under the impression that if she pushes hard enough and yells loud enough, she's going to break me and take over as the dominate female in the house.  She is sadly mistaken.

Last night was one of those nights where I refused to let her get the best of me.  She fights me on taking a shower EVERY.SINGLE.TIME!!  Well she played in 4 volleyball matches last night.  When I helped her take off her shoes and knee pads, I almost passed out.  Not bathing was OUT of the question, yet she wanted to bargain and finagle with me....swearing that if I just let her go to sleep, she'd get up this morning and take a shower.  Yeah right!!  

We got home from volleyball at 8:30pm, ate dinner, sang happy birthday to Slou (because her cake was a day late) and then the fight was on.  From 9:15-10:30 she was laying face down on her bed, whining about how tired she was or yelling about how mean I am and "why can't you just give in to me ONE time?!?!"  All the while her sister is already in bed TRYING to sleep.  It would've been easy for me to just give in and let her take a shower this morning or NOT, but by this point it was no longer about whether she needed to bathe or was about who was in charge!!!

This could actually be a scene from our night....
All the while I was taking deep breaths and successfully not losing my temper, I was calm and collected.  I respectfully asked her 2,349,000 times to quickly get in the shower and explained that in the amount of time that she's fought be on this, she could already be bathed, in the bed and ASLEEP!!!  Unfortunately her brain is not programmed to take calm and respectful seriously.  She thought I was a joke.  She laughed at me, she cried at me, she stood naked in her room, stomping her size 9 foot at me and shook her naked ass in my face....basically telling me that it didn't matter what I said, she was indeed NOT taking a damn shower.  Again, she was sadly mistaken.

This is where I straddled the line between standing firm and child abuse.  I NEVER wanted to be that mom that screamed at her kids, I NEVER wanted to be that mom that spanked or slapped their children (GASP!).  I honestly still never actually lost my temper, she just thought I did.  Popping her butt no longer has any effect, screaming doesn't either, but thumping her on the forehead....that's a whole other can of beans.  She wailed the whole time she was in the shower...but guess what bitches.  I WON!!  She was clean!!  And surprisingly wanting to cuddle before she went to bed...of course blaming it on me by saying "Well I'm not tired now that you made me take a shower."  

How did her morning go, you ask.  SHITTY!!  Exactly the same way it does every morning.  Wake her up at 7am as I'm walking out to take Slou to school.  Wake her up AGAIN when I get home at 7:20.  And AGAIN when I get out of the shower at 7:30...answered every time with "I'm up, I'm up, I'm up" or "I know MOM.  Leave me alone!!"  She finally sits up and stares at herself in the mirror for 5 minutes.  Then stumbling to the bathroom, then complaining about having NOTHING to wear...while I'm giving her a running count down.  "I'm leaving in 15 minutes, 10 minutes, 5 minutes...I'm pulling out of the driveway in 2 minutes with or without you."  "MOM, I'm coming!!!!"  Someone please tell me where a shower would've fit into that equation this morning.  GAH!!!

The bipolar roller coaster that a household living with teenage daughters rides, is running at full speed at our house.  I hope I can keep up and not throw up in the middle of an upside down loopty loop.  I've always been a firm believer of "picking your battles", but right now every one of them is important.  If I don't stand my ground....they're gonna walk all over me and my authority will be zilch by the time they get to high school....where the real fun begins.

Thank you to my mom for not choking me out at the ripe old age of 13.  I'm still convinced I was EASY compared to my 2 girls.  We'll see if she chimes in and backs up my memories.  Of one thing I'm certain, my sister is the one that should be thanking her and praying she never has a daughter to pay her back in spades.

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  1. I have the same fight with my eight year old son every night. He STINKS and hours later I am still trying to get him in the shower.

    He asked last night if he could do it in the morning... yeah right!! Found him asleep on the bathroom floor this morning.

  2. LMAO!!! Thank you for the giggle!!! Had he showered or not?

  3. My daughter is only 2 and I am already dreading the teenage years.Let's hope we all survive without too many scars!

  4. I'm sorry to have giggled my way through this post! My daughter is now almost 22 and she was/is exactly the strong, determined (ex-athlete, vb player) like your daughters. You are so right when you said, "it was about who was in charge!!!" True. And during the whole mess you sometimes feel like this is the stupidest argument in the world but....

    Hang in there. It mellows. And I must add that my daughter wasn't my challenging one. That was her brother who followed behind her. He pulled all the same shower business but his trick was to lay in the shower with the water on and relax for 45 minutes until we caught on!

    Loved the thank you to your mom for not choking you out at 13!!!

  5. My girls fight with me like that over everything... I am convinced that all teenage girls have bipolar tendencies and leave their parents with a sub par liver

  6. I don't understand why kids have issues with hygiene ?? My daughters are all like this...I am wondering if I was like that as well. My early childhood education teacher said that girls should be placed in barrels when they turn 13 and be removed at 18...I totally agree !!!

  7. I remember my little sister at this age....handful is all I can say! And she didn't get it from me. My mom has admitted that I was a saint compared to the younger one!

  8. My 16 year old son is the same way..about the same thing! Arent we horrible parents for wanting them to bathe and be clean? good grief, what are we thinking? I always win this one too....I hate the arguing though.

  9. My son is the exact same way. It is a battle of wills every single morning. It takes me at least 45 minutes to get him out of bed in the morning. Dealing with him in the morning is exhausting, draining and just plain crazy. But a lot of it is my own damn fault, because I have no back-bone when it comes to my son, and unfortunately, he knows it.

  10. Hi there, I hear ya. Nice that you can vent and preserve these thoughts for generations to come though! lol
    found you on the friday blog hop! Thanks for posting

  11. Right there with ya girl. I have 2 stinky teenage boys. One night after football practice my 12 year old would not get in the shower. I brought the hose inside and told him it was either the shower or the hose. His butt got in the shower real quick! Stopping by from Friday Blog Hop.

  12. Good Lord, that's a page right out of my house. Were you watching from the window?? I have the argument with Smelly McSmellster every night about taking a shower. "You ran cross country, you're sweaty and you stink". Smelly: "But if I take a shower tonight I won't be able to scrunch my hair in the morning and it won't look good." Because it's not whether or not you make the bus, it's not about me having to take time out of my precious mornings to drive your ass to school, no, it's all about how great your hair looks in the morning.

    God help us both!


  13. Do you drink? I might be a good idea :D J/K. Unless you want to, then we can do it together. I have 4 girls and 1 boy. So...yeah. I get it. Way to show 'em who is boss.

  14. Oh girl, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I got 4 crazies, but lucky for me 3 have grown up and flown the coop to be adults. Then there's my 16 yr. old son still at home....thank God vodka was invented because I probably would be wearing a straight jacket by now in the loony bin ! I'm already a follower of yours from earlier but I just wanted to stop in again and say hello!!

  15. Hi! I like your Post & Blog. I am following you in GFC from Blog hop. I hope your visit!


  16. Hi there! I found you on the Blog Hop and am now following you :) I'd love a follow back at and Pinterest! I follow back all my Pinterest followers!

  17. I found you on the Southern Mama's blog hop. This is too funny. I have an almost 2yr old little girl with a very stubborn personality. I foresee lots of "battles of the wills" in my future!!