Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Lollipop...Is My Best Friend!!

And I bet she thought I forgot about her birthday.  I promise I didn't.  I just haven't been in the right mindset to give her the proper attention that she deserves.  I've finally kicked that nasty writers block to the curb and I'm ready serenade my best friend...(I'm singing that line in my best Tim McGraw impersonation).

Lollipop and I met in high school.  I knew who she was...and well she probably didn't have a clue who I was.  She's not very good with names or faces...actually she sucks at them...bad!!  Anyway, there was a fight at the city park one afternoon after school.  Looking back, I don't think I'd ever seen a fight in person before...besides the occasional ass-whooping I'd give my sister.  I think I was there with my boyfriend at the time.  It was one of his friends fighting another guy.  I was enthralled...mesmerized.  I wanted a front row seat.  I guess I wandered off from my boyfriend and I was making my way towards the front of the crowd....when Lollipop grabbed my arm and said "Hey, let's go to the front!!"  And she pulled/pushed me to the front...where we witnessed my bf's friend get the ever living the shit beat out of him.  It's funny.  Boyfriends and even a husband have come and gone....and we're still best friends.

She gets me....and I get her.  She is my person.  She is my cheerleader and my voice of reason.  She is my rock and my shoulder to cry on and my ear to vent to.  She and I are soooooo totally different...that it just clicks.  Her birthday celebration was a little lame.  There weren't enough giggles to justify a whole clowny installment.  It wasn't anyone's fault.  It just happened to fall in the middle of a really busy time and we had to celebrate on a Friday night...and Friday nights are just typically LAME!!!  So instead, I'll tell you some other fabulous birthday stories of "Giggles & Lollipop".

Lollipop doesn't drink very often....I mean she'll have a beer or two every now and then, but she doesn't really DRINK but maybe once a year and there's a VERY good reason behind it too.  There was the birthday where she was drinking keg beer out of a straw...that night ended with her hanging her head out my passenger side window and me holding her in the car by her back pockets while I drove her home.

There was the year Sparky had to carry her out of the bar before she got kicked out for throwing a mostly full beer bottle at some random dude...and it shattered and spewed all over the wedding party hanging out on the deck.  That night it ended with her head out her own passenger window, while I took pictures and Sparky drove us both home.

Then there's last year!!!  Last year is probably why this year was low-key LAME.  Last year it started with us having a nice dinner & margaritas....just the 2 of us.  I don't even think we really planned on going out after.  But some how we ended up OUT...and so were a ton of our friends.  When I spotted Lollipop walk past an occupied table and not so subtly walk off with their pitcher of beer, I knew it was time to go.  I offered to drive Banjo, Big Daddy & Lola home too.  It was like herding cats!!  I finally got her outside, while Big Daddy or Banjo tracked the others down.  While we're standing outside waiting, Lollipop strikes up a conversation with these 2 guys...that we don't know.  I can literally see the wheels turning in her eyes.  I knew she was up to something....and then in slow motion, she clocks both of them in the face at the same time!!  Before they could even react, I grabbed her and threw her in the car.

We get back to Lola's and decide to hang out for a little bit before I take her home.  We get her tucked in on the couch, all nice and cozy.  The rest of us were just hanging out in the kitchen...talking, cutting up and venting.  When I go to check on Lollipop...she's GONE!!!  I look in the bathroom...out on the deck, in the garage...I run out to the car EMPTY!!!

SHIT!!!! SHIT!!!! SHIT!!!!

I run back in the house.  "Ummmm, guys I can't find her!!!"  Banjo & Big Daddy come help me look for her.  As we're driving up the street, Banjo says "What the? Uhhh, I think we found her."  She had walked up to Gumdrop's she figured out which one is his, is beyond any of us.  We both have a hard time remembering which one is his when we're stone cold sober.  She had walked in his front door, straight into his guest room that was occupied by another couple we know (THANK GOD)...and promptly face planted in the floor and woke them up.  They asked her if she was ok...and she just got up and walked back out the door.  When we found her she was puking in the bushes next to the mailbox.  We got her back in the car and drove back down to Lola's to let her know we found her and as we were driving back up to Gumdrop's to drop the boys off...she puked all in my backseat.  It was a chain reaction!!!  Banjo jumps out of the car gagging, Big Daddy ran for the nearest bush and yakked...and I was choking back my own vomit from the stench and the sounds.  It must've been Big Daddy's parenting experience that allowed him to help me handle this situation.  I'm driving to Lollipop's when she starts feeling bad again....she's got her head out the backseat window of my car and he's holding her in this time and I'm just praying that the smell will one day get out of my car.  I finally had to pull over into a little strip mall for her to puke some more.  The sprinklers come on and I jokingly ask her if she wants to run in the sprinklers...that I'll do it with her if she wants to.  I'm thinking if I can get her in the sprinklers at least she can wash the ralph out of her hair....THANK GOD SHE SAID NO!!!  About this time a cop pulls up behind us.  He didn't even get out of his car.  He yelled from this window asking if everything was ok and if I was ok to drive.  He probably didn't really want to know the answer.  He was probably thinking "if this girl isn't okay to drive, then I'm gonna end up with this other drunk bitch in my car and then she's gonna puke in my patrol car."  So he quickly just took my word for it that I was okay to drive and that we had the situation under control.  20 minutes later, we were home safe and sound.  Whew...

So needless to say, it was probably about time Lollipop had a low key birthday celebration.  Just be year it is ON!!!

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  1. That just brought a tear to my eye!! And yes it may be on for new years!!

  2. This had me cracking up. Literally, by myself, laughing my ass off. I can so picture each scene. Love you Woo!

  3. This had me cracking up. Literally, by myself, laughing my ass off. I can so picture each scene. Love you Woo!