Week 9: {I} = Impossible to choose :)

Welcome to week 9 in Love Kate's A-Z All About Me Challenge.   Hmmmm, which "I" word do I choose?  I could talk about something I am...like interesting, insane or intelligent-ish.  Or something I strive to be one day, like independent, inspiring or iconic.  I just can't narrow it down to one.  So how about I briefly touch on all of them?  I hope I don't bore you with all this talking about me, myself & "I".

I like to think I'm interesting.  I feel like I have plenty of randomness to bring to the table for conversation.  I know a little about a lot.  I have strong opinions about a few things; like politics (I try to leave them out of this blog), parenting & friendship.  I enjoy being the life of the party without being the center of attention....does that even make sense?  

I question my sanity at least 3-5 days a week.  Between my boss, my girls & my dad...I'm likely to be certifiable one of these days.  I try to keep a tight grip on reality by blogging & laughing.  I must find the funny in any hard spot I find myself.  Does that make me insane?  Laughing at things that should make me cry?  SHIT!!  Maybe I really have lost my mind already.  In all seriousness though, my grandfather (that died long before I was born) was a paranoid schizophrenic.  <---I spelled that right on my first try!!  Let me clarify.  I don't think I or any of my other family members have inherited this disease, but I do find it intriguing.  I wonder what caused it.  If it was hereditary? Or was it environmental? I've not heard, well any good/happy stories about my grandfather.  That makes me sad. Moving on....

I think I'm pretty smart.  Maybe not tipping the scales at brilliant or anything, but I'm intelligent-ish.  I can't stand people who think they know everything about everything, therefore if I don't know what I'm talking about, I STFU!!  I don't like to be wrong, but if I am, I'll admit it...I just try to avoid those situations.  I have a firm grip on reality and logic and find those that don't to be frustratingly unbearable.  

Now for the things I'm not...but I really hope to be some day.  As of right now, the girls and I are still living with my dad.  When I moved back in with him, it was "temporary"...I planned on saving my money and buying a house and getting back on my own as quickly as possible.  That was almost 10 years ago...HA!!  I've come to accept the fact that this is where I need to be, in order to give my children the life that I desperately want them to have.  There is no way I could afford for them to do all of the extracurricular stuff that they do, nor would I physically be able to get them there, if I was on my own.  Nor could I possibly afford to live in the area in which they've grown up and gone to school with the same kids since kindergarten.  I refuse to change their schools if I don't have to...so independence will have to wait until at least 2020, when my baby graduates from HS (hopefully with a full ride to the college of her choice - UGA).  Until then, I'll continue to battle the insanity that comes along with me being dependent on my dad.  Thank GOD I have him!!!

Maybe I've already inspired some...but I want to inspire many.  I want to inspire woman to stand up for themselves and not stay in relationships that bring them down and keep them down.  I want to inspire woman to find the strength that is already inside of them to demand the respect that they deserve.  I want to inspire woman to be the mom's that their kids deserve and to be the example of what they want them to grow up to be.  I want to inspire EVERYONE to make a change and make the world a better place.  This leads to me being ICONIC!!  I've not hidden the fact that I want to rule the world...one blog post at a time.  I'm really kidding about the iconic part.  But I honestly did have the image of Michael Jackson's "Man In The Mirror" video flashing through my mind.  It all starts with you...teach your kids respect by respecting them.  Teach them to be kind by being kind to them.  Teach them to love unconditionally by loving them no matter what.  

Happy Friday!!  I hope everyone has a wonderful Labor Day weekend.  You might find the history behind Labor Day interesting.  Please follow me here through GFC (Google Friends Connect), on Facebook and now you can follow me and my ramblings on Twitter too!!  Take a sec and click the banner below to help me climb back up in the rankings at topmommyblogs.com.  

Anger Issues...

My baby will be 11 years old next Tuesday.  She's already "blossoming" into a young lady.  She's not "started" yet, but it could be right around the corner or it could still be a couple of years.  How can you tell if what your daughter is going through is regular ol' hormones, depression or something worse?

She is so sweet & funny 50% of the time, but that other half she is testing at best and manic at worst.  She is medicated for ADHD.  I do believe some of her uncontrollable emotions are a side-effect to coming off her meds in the evenings.  We tried changing her meds last spring and it was a disaster.  While she was much easier to handle emotionally, her focus and drive were railroaded.  Since being diagnosed and medicated, she has ALWAYS exceeded expectations on her standardized testing and maintained mostly A's with just a couple of B's here and there.  Last year's CRCT (taken while messing w/ her meds) scores were WAY less than desirable.  She barely met expectations in all subjects.  While I was disappointed, she was devastated.  She was so upset with herself.  All I could say was "Honey, keep in mind this was when we were trying a different medicine.  I'm not upset with you.  Don't beat yourself up.  You'll do so much better this year."  She's terrified that they will "kick her out" of the gifted program.  So needless to say, we don't want to start messing with her meds again, if we can help it.

But something has got to give.  She flies off the handle if she stubs her toe.  She screams that I hate her and that she wants to kill herself when she gets in trouble.  She is constantly antagonizing her sister.  She's never been good at taking responsibility for her actions, although I always try to hold her accountable.  When she flies into one of her rages, I've gotten into the habit of immediately sending her to her room to calm down and to keep myself from losing it too.  She'll usually come back down less than 5 min. later and apologize, but then often doesn't even remember what she's sorry for or what set her off.  I've tried talking to her about thinking before speaking and taking deep breaths.

I'm certain she would benefit from some therapy or counseling.  My insurance doesn't cover it, but my mom has offered to help pay for it.  I just don't even know where to start.  I don't want her to grow up having uncontrollable anger issues....it does happen to run on both sides of her family.  As does depression, even though some family members believe it's a bogus medical condition.  Considering my history, I don't want her to have to fight this battle for the rest of her life and I don't want to feel like I need to defend her and make excuses for her either. 

I don't want to put another label on her or over medicate her.  When I talk to the pediatrician about it, I feel like she thinks I'm lacking as a mom.  That I should be able handle her with redirection and consequences.  I feel lost.  I feel inadequate.  I just want her to be happy...and not feel drawn to "other" activities to find her happiness.  Any words of advice on where to begin would be great.

Thanks for reading.  Here's the link to my Facebook and please click the banner below to lift my spirits and my rankings at topmommyblogs.com.  Also, I've linked up with Southern Mama's Blog Hop...click the button above to read more blogs from other Southern Mamas.  Happy Hump Day y'all!!

RTT - I'm making up for lost time

Snickers & Cheyenne laying guard :)

It's Tuesday and it's time for Stacy's Random Tuesday Thoughts.  

After posting about my Hell Week on Friday, I went home to find out that my dad had taken my sweet Cheyenne on her final ride to see the doctor.  It was time.  I really wish I'd had a chance to give her one last cuddle, but it really was best that he did it the way he did.  The girls handled it much better than they would have if they'd known it was happening.


Saturday I locked my keys in my car....AGAIN!!  Of course after I'd already asked my sister to make the 20 mile trip to bring my spare to me at my favorite 2 year old's birthday party, a couple of the men in attendance tell me "Oh we can break in, no problem."  They give it their best try...and FAILED.  Then my friend Stump (who's a volunteer fireman) offers to run to the fire station just outside the neighborhood to see if they have a lockout kit.  Then Tater texts me and offers to come to my rescue AGAIN, but I tell him not to bother, my sister is only a couple miles away at this point.  Sister pulls up to the curb, hands me my spare key, turns around and passes the ladder truck on her way back out.  Story of my life....

I'm praying for everyone that is in the path of Isaac, but I'm excited about getting some hellacious rain in my parts.  We need it, I love storms and it gives me one more excuse not to wash my car.

I couldn't find a single pair of my own matching pairs of flip flops this morning.  One pair I know is in my car covered in mud from where SLou wore them and went mud stomping...and found herself in SERIOUS trouble.  One pair was separated by my own doing, from wearing one tennis shoe and one flop when I was still sporting gauze on my left heel....and left the other flop in Jinx's truck.  As for the others...I'm stumped.  So I resorted to stealing a pair of Beelay's that I found under my bed during the search. 

I'm super stoked for the weekend.  We're celebrating Chiquita's, Cuz's & Captain Knuckle's birthdays.  It's guaranteed to be an entertaining time....be on the lookout for another Clown Adventure.

So enough random for now.  I'm linking up with Stacy at Stacy Uncorked.  As always, here's the link to follow me on Facebook and take a sec to click the banner below to help me improve my rankings at topmommyblogs.com. 

Week 8: H is for Happiness

Here we are at week 8 in Love Kate's A-Z All About me weekly challenge.  Actually we're at week 9, but I'm running a week behind.  Who knew I could be a poet too?  Anyway, happiness is one of those emotions that everyone strives for and not always conquers.  I have off and on battled depression since I was 15.  I'm a pro at hiding it and putting on the act of being happy.  Only a select few can read between the lines and know when I'm wearing a mask.

I believe my parent's divorce triggered my first bout with the D word.  I was 17 before I was actually diagnosed and medicated, but once I was...a fog was lifted and my life was a much brighter place.  I fell in love for the first time and had my heart broke. I dealt with it and I survived and became stronger for it.  I really don't remember when or why I quit taking my meds.  I guess I thought I was all better now and didn't need them.  And I didn't, for a while. 

I fell in love again.  I should've seen the signs and known that it wasn't a healthy love, but it was a fun and dangerous kind of love.  It was a volatile kind of love.  When things were good, they were AMAZING...when they were bad, they were devastating.  When he gave me a promise ring, I believed him.  When people told me he was unfaithful to me, I believed HIM.  When he told me he wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life taking care of me, I blindly believed him.  So when I got pregnant at 20, there really wasn't any question about what the next step would be.

Of course I had my second thoughts, but we were young and I was convinced that once this baby came EVERYTHING was going to change.  He was gonna be an amazing daddy and he was all the sudden gonna be the husband I'd been dreaming of.  I was WRONG!!  But this post isn't supposed to be about my marriage, it's about my happiness.   After Beelay was born, I suffered from postpartum.  I was once again medicated.  It didn't have the miraculous effect that it had had before...probably because it made my life and situation so much clearer and I knew I was not in a good place.  As you've read in Week 2, I gave it my best efforts to make it work....even popping out a second baby, because the first one obviously helped so much.  <---to be clear, I wouldn't trade my girls for ANYTHING (well maybe better behaved girls) in the word.

After I finally left for good, I tried medication again.  Only it was definitely not the right one.  I felt like a zombie and I never slept.  So instead of going back to the doctor, I just quit taking it and put my best foot forward in trying to make it.  Since middle school, I've always wished on "shooting stars" and "11:11".  Not that I'm superstitious, but what could it hurt.  After I left, my new wish became "to be happy".  Of course God has thrown me some curve balls, especially with the death of one of my very best friends.  After that, I came to terms with the fact that I probably needed to stay medicated.  And ya know what?  Since accepting that, I've been happy.  

Sure I have my good days and my bad, but so does everyone else.  I no longer EVER feel sorry for myself.  I'm happy with the choices that I've made.  I'm happy with the life that I'm living.  I'd be even happier if I won the lottery and was able to go back to school and quit my job, but such is life.  I'm happy with the friendships that I've built.  I'm happy with the children God gave me...I wish he'd given them a different daddy, but I realize I'm really the one that chose him.  Happiness is a state of mind that comes from acceptance and medication....in my world anyway :)

I hope you've enjoyed reading more about me.  Please follow me here on GFC and on  Facebook.  If you have a second, please click on the banner below to cast your vote for me on topmommyblogs.com.  Hope you all have a fabulous week.

 

Hell Week...NO, I'm not using this as my "H" post

This has been HELL week...and it's not over yet!!!  We're finishing up the 3rd week of school here in this beautifully chaotic suburb of Atlanta.  How is it that I'm already running on fumes this early in the school year?  

Let me tell you about this week.  First of all my sister, who I'm very close to; had to put her dog down on Tuesday.  She was only 7 and what appeared to be a stomach bug that lasted for over 2 weeks, after a couple visits to the vet and then a 4 day stay over last weekend, everything within reason had been tried and nothing was helping her feel better.  It was a hard choice to make, but she was obviously suffering and didn't deserve to endure anymore.  Rest In Peace Cubby Bear Princess...you'll be missed you pain in the ass!!  That being said, my sister has been a wreck, as has SLou.  They both share the softest of hearts when it comes to animals.

My sister and I work together...and understandably she didn't have it in her to come in the first half of the week.  Which puts a heavier load on me at work (not complaining...just explaining).  I've also been nominated as the "President" of the booster club for the h.s. volleyball feeder team.  I'm sure the title is only to make feel special...but I did volunteer to organize all of the necessary forms, coordinate volunteers, etc.  So on top of 3 nights of practice this week, a trip to urgent care with Beelay (turned out to be nothing...shocking), curriculum night at the middle school and doing the job of 4 other people at work this week....my home computer & internet are fighting with each other, Beelay had her first science project due today (stayed up with her until 12:30 this morning finishing it up) and we have an all day play tomorrow!!  

I'm leaving something out...I know I am.  OH!!!  Sweet Baby C's 2nd birthday party is tomorrow afternoon...I really hope I can make it.  And Sunday is filled with all kinds of crazy excitement, but you'll have to wait until next week to hear all about that.

Add two crabby hormonal girls at home to a grumpy old man, a dog that should've never outlived Cubby, peeing and pooping all over the damn house and a cat that should've ran out of lives 8 years ago, that apparently has insomnia and likes to tell the whole house about it from the middle of the hallway EVERY night at about 3am....MY WEEK HAS BEEN HELL!!!  On a positive note: I just hit 100 followers!!!!

Needless to say there hasn't been much time to blog.  Hopefully a truce will be made between the technology in my house and maybe I'll get to my "H" post before the deadline on Sunday...If not, I'll do it whenever.  This feels like it was more of vent/whine/make excuses kinda post...but whatevs, I feel better for it.  You can always follow me on Facebook here. And it would be totally rad, if you'd click on the banner below to keep my rankings afloat while I'm drowning in my real life.  Have a great weekend!!!

Week 7: Grammar

It's already week 7, in Love Kate's A-Z All About Me Weekly Challenge.  We're on the letter "G".  Click her button to check out other bloggers' weekly posts.  I feel like I've been friends with Kate for years now, just from reading about her every week.  Feel free to link up and join in the ABC fun...you'll be surprised how much you actually learn about yourself too.

Growing up I HATED when my mom corrected my grammar!!!  HATED, DESPISED, LOATHED it!!!  Now I'm beyond grateful for it.  My friends lovingly refer to me as the "Grammar Nazi".  My boss thinks I'm his walking dictionary.  My kids not so lovingly refer to me as a pain in the butt.  I CAN NOT stand elementary spelling and grammar mistakes.  Especially with the added tool of spell and grammar check, there really is no excuse.

Of course nobody is perfect...even me (SHOCKING, I know).  Sometimes I get rushed and forget to double-check my status updates, blog posts, etc.  If I catch it quick enough, I'll delete my FB status and re-post the corrected version real quick...and if it's in a blog, I correct it no matter what.  It irks me that bad!!  Another thing that drives me CRAZY is text abbreviations.  I admit I sometimes use them in a TEXT, but NEVER in an email or blog.

Depending on who the habitual offender is, I'll either make fun of them in a comment or I'll hide them from my feed.  I know this sounds harsh...but when I read "idk ur....", I feel dumber for it.  Of course this can sometimes backfire.  If I'm not quick enough to catch my own errors, I've got plenty of friends chomping at the bit to publicly berate me.  I deserve it. 

Also, make an effort to spell a person's name correct.  I realize there are a lot of different spellings for the same name, but if you're commenting on Rachael's picture or status, use 1/2 of a brain cell and don't say "Great pic, Rachel".  If you're speaking to a female it's almost ALWAYS Erin and if you're talking to a guy, it's Aaron....know the difference.  It only takes a second and it shows you took the time (or didn't) to show a little respect.  If you are adding a caption to a picture of you, you might say this is ME...so if you're captioning a picture of you and Sally, you would say "ME and Sally" not "Sally and I".  Talk about driving someone bat shit crazy!!! It's not a picture of I, it's a picture of ME!!  Make sense?  You would use "I" if you were saying "Sally & I are best friends".

Rest assured, I have triple checked this bitch for grammar and spelling errors before posting it, but if you find a mistake; feel free to broadcast it.  Please click the "join this site" button over to the left to follow my rants, raves & all around shenanigans here...and you can follow me on Facebook here.  If you've got a second, click on the banner below to cast your vote for me at topmommyblogs.com so I can inch a little closer to ruling the world.  Thanks again for reading, sharing & commenting.

My Latest Graceful Disaster

We have a first day of school family tradition...as do I'm sure most of you.  From the day I started Kindergarten, my mom ALWAYS took first day of school pictures.  Whether we were on the front porch, the driveway or standing at the bus stop...whatever.  So of course I've carried on the family tradition with my kids...same front porch, driveway or bus stop.  ALWAYS together...until yesterday.  

Due to new schools opening, for transportation reasons, they've changed the hours at middle school.  This turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  I was convinced that it was going to demolish our morning routine...turns out it works PERFECT!!!  For those of you that have been reading for a while or know me personally, you know that my girls have a love/hate relationship.  They FIGHT like the Dickens most of the time and they both think they're a better mom to each other than I ever possibly could be.

Slou being in 5th grade this year, is now part of the morning safety patrol and needs to report by 7:10am for duty.  Yesterday, she got herself up and ready and woke me up to tell me she was going downstairs to fix her breakfast...just as my alarm clock was going off.  It was PERFECT!!!  I got up, took her first day of school pics and took her to school.  This was the first time I haven't walked her all the way to her classroom on the first day...but she's top dog on campus now.

I was actually off work yesterday, so that made it even less stressful.  I was able to wait until I got back from dropping Slou off to wake Beelay up.  This difference in school schedules just might be the exact formula that we needed all along.  The equation is harmonious bliss in our household...at least until I step out the front door to take Beelay's first day of school pictures.

As I was getting into position to take her pictures on the front porch, the damn planter that has probably been in the same spot since my childhood, decided to jump out and bite me!!  It then started shattering into shards of plastic...that sliced my leg open, leading to my one-legged catch my balance and don't bust my ass dance all through the front bushes.  I swear to God, all of the bushes are out to get me!!  After a couple 4 letter words, I finally danced my way out of the bushes and back onto level ground.  All the while Beelay is laughing uncontrollably...and I'm trying with all of my might not to cry!!

This little catastrophe led to her pictures being taken in the driveway...and adding up to like 5 less than I took of her sister, which I made up by taking pictures of my wounds.  Of course now I can't wear any shoes other than flip-flops until my heel heals...and I woke myself up a handful of times during the night when my tender shredded/lacerated skin was rubbed wrong by my sheets!!  It really does suck to be me sometimes.  Oh and my dad's response when I showed him the blood running down my shin..."I swear you must have inherited your lack of grace from your mom's side and passed it on to your children.  I've never known anyone so accident prone in my life.".  Thanks Dad for pointing out the obvious.

So as far as first days of school go...it was a pretty great day other than the time spent with the first aid kit.  And the form that came home regarding the 8th grade Georgia trip...that informed me I have until Sept. 10th to pay the deposit of $145 and until Oct. 10th to pay the $145 balance!!!  HELLO!!!!  I'm a single mom that has to save for stuff like that...and this is already the most expensive part of my year (between school supplies, clothes, sports, both girl's birthdays and CHRISTMAS!!!).  Couldn't they have at least warned me at the end of the school year last year?  Of course any donations would be greatly appreciated...just kidding.  I'll figure it out some how.

Here's where I say thank you for reading, following and sharing...and begging for you to vote for me at topmommyblogs.com by clicking on the banner below.  Here's the link for my Facebook page too.  Have a great day!!!  For shiggles...I'm linking up with Stacy Uncorked for Random Rebel...click on her button to check out some other entertaining blogs.  Later!!!

  

Just Because....

I'm really a 14 year old girl, stuck in a 34 year old mom's body...doesn't mean I haven't grown up into a strong independent self-respecting adult.  It just means that I tend to have a hard time with the "if you can't say anything nice" rule, I have a potty mouth and a really twisted sense of humor.

Today is one of those days where I'm having a really hard time saying something nice about several situations.  So what do I do?  I blog...duh!!  Of course one of my better qualities is that I really don't like to hurt anyone's feelings...you can see how that tends to conflict with the saying of not-nice things.  So I'll go ahead and start with...if anything in this post hurts your feelings, I'm sorry.  Everything I'm about to say is out of love and other things (like frustration, disappointment & experience).

Nobody is perfect.  I understand that!!  Really, I do.  But there is a difference between an oops and a FUCK UP!!  The number of reasonable times you can forgive the same oops is way higher than the same FUCK UP!!!  "Oops, I forgot to put the toilet seat down."...gets old quick, if you prefer to keep your ass dry when you're up for a midnight pee.   "CRAP,  I forgot to pay the phone bill this month."....can be overlooked so many times.  "DAMN, Officer I swear I thought the speed limit was 90." adds up pretty quick.  "SHIT, I forgot to turn the stove off and the house burned down."  could definitely take a while to get over.  But "FUCK, that wasn't you I went home with last night?" or "FUCK, I gave you the herp?" or "FUCK, you weren't supposed to see that." aren't forgive and forget offenses.  

I used to give people the benefit of "everyone has to get to their breaking point in their own time".  But as we all get older and grow up, we all know the difference between right and wrong.  We know the difference between good and bad.  Every single person is responsible for their own situations.  Sure there are always going to be unforeseen speed bumps along the way.  You can't control anyone but yourself...and how you react to others bad choices that affect you.  For example; if you loan someone money and they never pay you back.  Are you going to continue to loan them money?  HELL NO!!  You decide whether you're going to be a door mat or not...not the person wiping their feet.

Everyone is so quick to say "don't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes."...but those shoes are worn by feet that are controlled by a person that chooses which roads they travel down.  I've done a lot of walking in my 34 years and sure I've gotten lost a time or two, but I remember which turns took me into the "hood and which ones took me out.  Being strong is a choice!!  You either want to man-up and create your own happiness or you don't.  It's that simple.

I'm no longer the patient person I was in my 20's.  Most of my "give a damn" busted a long time ago.  I'll be your biggest cheerleader if you're doing everything in your power to learn from your mistakes and change direction, but I don't do drama.  If you're not serious about putting yourself first, I'm not gonna sit around to be made to feel like a fool for encouraging you and holding you up and defending you, while you continue to ride your roller coaster.
 
It doesn't mean I love any of you any less.  It just means that my self-respect is gonna come before your self-induced train wreck.  I've been burned way too many times trying to be the friend that saves everyone.  I can't save anyone but myself.  I live my life surrounded by people that don't need saving or building up very often.  We all hold each other up...and for that I am so grateful.  When making a hard decision, stand back for a minute and think about what you would tell yourself if you were on the outside looking in.  Or better yet, think about what you would say behind your back if you were watching from the outside.  

Now that I've gotten all of that off my chest, I feel a little lighter and may even have some nice things to say after all.  This therapy we call blogging really does help.  If you've enjoyed this post, please click the banner below to cast your vote for me on topmommyblogs.com and follow me either here through GFC or on Facebook. Feel free to spread my words of wisdom to any or all of your friends....I'm trying to get famous here ya know!!!  Thank you and have an AWESOME weekend!!!

Week 6: {F} is for Favorites....

Time is flying by...it's already week 6 in Love Kate's weekly blog challenge.  What I really want to be is FAMOUS for my blogging!!  I want to be the next internet bloggy sensation...but until then I'm just gonna tell you about my favorite things.  Aren't friends supposed to know your favorite things?

I'll start with my favorite colors: Green (almost any shade) and lavender.
Smell: Rain 
Author: Kristin Hannah
Movie: Steele Magnolias
Current Song: Wanted by Hunter Hayes
All Time Country Song: Wide Open Spaces by Dixie Chicks
All Time Song EVER:  It's a tie between Baby Got Back by Sir Mix A Lot and Let's Get It On by Marvin Gaye 
Food: Anything Mexican
Sounds: Laughter & Thunder Storms

So now when I do become FAMOUS, you can say you know all about my favorite things.  Please take a minute to click on the banner below (I've been slacking and really fallen in the rankings) and follow be either here on GFC or on Facebook.  Happy Thursday!!!

Happy Birthday Clarance...SURPRISE!!!

GAHHHHH!!!  I wish someone had thought to record the surprise part of Clarance's party.  It was priceless.  He was speechless and even teared up just a little bit.  Thank you to Tater, Valentine & Cricket for making it happen.

I truly enjoyed my conversation about the "salty balls" <---sausage balls...with Trixie and Speedo.  I was quite impressed with his talent of stuffing 2 salty balls in his mouth at one time.  That's the bomb diggity right there.  As for the pickles wrapped in ham and cream cheese...thanks to Petunia for ruining my appetite (for a minute). But seriously, just thinking about them makes my mouth get that watery, puky feeling.  BLECK!!!!  But of course her cousin made it before...and her other cousin just got married, in case you were curious.

And Trixie brought up a very good "politically correct" point regarding the Olympics.  If we're encouraged to call black people here "African Americans", what are we supposed to call the other black athletes at the Olympics?  African French? African Canadian?  African Nigerian? African Dominican?  I could go on, but I'm pretty sure the point has been made.  It's just silly.  Aren't we all just Americans?  I'm a white American, Gabby Douglas is a black American and Jennifer Lopez is a Hispanic American.  

Throughout the night (or whole weekend really) it was made abundantly clear that Skeeter really is a dick...but he's really just taking one for the team by saying the things the rest of us don't want to say out loud for fear of hurting anyone's feelings.  Zippy met his match...he found another chatterbox to keep him company or maybe just steal his spotlight.  Kisses Zippy.  

There were tears shed about one-legged girls...and another that turns out to have both of her legs.  We giggled about Clarance's mom...the assistant warden at the woman's prison, trying to play matchmaker.  We had a few of our own episodes of WWE Smackdown on the back patio...seeing as there were only 4 tall chairs around the patio table, they were coveted real estate.  Once you gained residency, you did NOT want to give that shit up!!  So you had me & Chiquita holding "it"...to the point that wetting our pants were a definite possibility.  Poor Skittles thought she was gonna gain occupancy of my chair when I finally couldn't hold it anymore...but luckily Lollipop is my BFF and I know she prefers to stand...so she took up temporary  residency for me while I drained my bladder.  Then you've got Captain Knuckles trying to throw me out of my chair...then eventually stealing Chiquita's and declaring ownership of the fly swatter.  UH OH!!!

Lollipop suggested a Captain Knuckles sandwich too.  He proved he could work the fly swatter on both sides of the "sandwich".  I've truly missed Captain Knuckles...I'm so glad he finally showed up and provided enough material to actually make it into our Clowny Adventures.  Please don't be a stranger.    

Skeeter had quite the conversation with Siri about how many woodchucks could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.  Freckles rocked out the Kilo...Love In Ya Mouth.  Cuz gave some great advice for the next time someone asks "Do I know you? You look really familiar."  Just ask them if they watch porn.  Tater apparently broke a mirror at work on Saturday...so in the middle of all the insanity, he dug a hole in the moonlight and buried said mirror...to bypass his 7 years of bad luck.  Captain Knuckles was unsuccessfully trying to light his cigarette with a book of matches, eventually using the tiki torches...and being scolded by Cuz, who told him he better be careful "those things'll give you salmonella brother."   All the boys (minus Captain Knuckles) ended up inside having a Duck Dynasty marathon.   I'm sure I'm probably leaving something out...so check back for updates.  Please click on the banner below to keep helping me climb in the rankings at topmommyblogs.com.  Feel free to follow me here and Facebook and share the laughter with your friends.  Have a great week...and stay tuned for more graceful disasters.     

Week 5: E = Entertaining

It's already week 4 in  Love Kate's A-Z All About Me challenge.  When she first invited me to join, I thought "What the hell?  Why not?  This will be easy peasy!!"  I thought wrong.  This is seriously a challenge for me.  I hadn't realized just how hard it is for me to actually write about myself...as opposed to my kids or friends or just my feelings in general.  This has really been making me dig deep and it's really been giving me "creative" anxiety....definitely not your elementary school writing assignment.  So here we go....


As a kid, I was shy.  I never wanted to be the center of attention.  You wanna talk about stage fright?  Put me at the front of the classroom for a presentation and I would full on freeze.  I suck at public speaking.  I hate walking into crowded rooms or restaurants by myself...just the thought gives me a mild anxiety attack. But amazingly enough, I'm not an anxious person.

Anyway, all of this being said, once I'm in my comfort zone, I thrive on ENTERTAINING those around me...even if it's at my own expense.  I've mastered the art of laughing at myself.  I don't embarrass easily...nor does my family.

Maybe that's why I've taken such an obsessive liking to blogging.  It's a platform that enables me to entertain a large number of people without actually having to get up on stage.  I'll go ahead and share a couple of entertaining moments (aka: moments I managed not to kill my kids).


1. Yesterday was bug the shit out of your sister day...who knew?  While I locked myself in my room to finish a phone conversation with Jennifay...Slou decided it would be a great idea to throw our poor 17 year old kitty at Beelay...while she was laying on the couch watching the Olympics.  


2. The other day I was "trying" to have my "turn" with my nephew, Squirt.  It's impossible to actually enjoy your time with him, when you've got his 2 cousins constantly invading your bubble and asking "Is it my turn yet?"....and one of them thinks she's his second mommy and knows more than ANY of us, when it comes to feeding, burping, soothing, etc.  I finally sent them upstairs!!  While I cuddled with Squirt and watched "The Big C" with my sister...we kept hearing screams, squeals, giggles and other "up to no good" sounds.  I tuned them out, because I knew they were only doing it to get a rise out of me.  Later, when I go upstairs for the night, I walk into my room and every.single.shoe.in.my.closet is strewn across my bedroom.  Then they both just play dumb when I ask about it.  LITTLE SHITS!!!!


3. Last week, I wrote this in one of my private groups...and now I can't exactly remember what even set me off in the first place...but I'm sure it was justified:

"I can't even describe the havoc that ensues when I go from complete heavy lidded relaxation...with sleep only seconds away to jumping out of my bed fighting the urge to slap my child in the face....whatever that feeling was intensified when she pushed me and told me she hated me. Lord give me the strength to not go rip her wet naked ass out of the shower by her hair and beat the ever living shit out of her. Bye bye restful sleep...hello rage!!!"

I hope you've found this to be at least a little bit entertaining...otherwise I've just wasted a whole lot of my writing mojo...and that alone makes me sad.  I'd love for you to follow me here or on Facebook here. Also, take a second of your time and click on the banner below to vote for me at topmommyblogs.com.  Happy hump day hookers...