Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Anger Issues...

My baby will be 11 years old next Tuesday.  She's already "blossoming" into a young lady.  She's not "started" yet, but it could be right around the corner or it could still be a couple of years.  How can you tell if what your daughter is going through is regular ol' hormones, depression or something worse?

She is so sweet & funny 50% of the time, but that other half she is testing at best and manic at worst.  She is medicated for ADHD.  I do believe some of her uncontrollable emotions are a side-effect to coming off her meds in the evenings.  We tried changing her meds last spring and it was a disaster.  While she was much easier to handle emotionally, her focus and drive were railroaded.  Since being diagnosed and medicated, she has ALWAYS exceeded expectations on her standardized testing and maintained mostly A's with just a couple of B's here and there.  Last year's CRCT (taken while messing w/ her meds) scores were WAY less than desirable.  She barely met expectations in all subjects.  While I was disappointed, she was devastated.  She was so upset with herself.  All I could say was "Honey, keep in mind this was when we were trying a different medicine.  I'm not upset with you.  Don't beat yourself up.  You'll do so much better this year."  She's terrified that they will "kick her out" of the gifted program.  So needless to say, we don't want to start messing with her meds again, if we can help it.

But something has got to give.  She flies off the handle if she stubs her toe.  She screams that I hate her and that she wants to kill herself when she gets in trouble.  She is constantly antagonizing her sister.  She's never been good at taking responsibility for her actions, although I always try to hold her accountable.  When she flies into one of her rages, I've gotten into the habit of immediately sending her to her room to calm down and to keep myself from losing it too.  She'll usually come back down less than 5 min. later and apologize, but then often doesn't even remember what she's sorry for or what set her off.  I've tried talking to her about thinking before speaking and taking deep breaths.

I'm certain she would benefit from some therapy or counseling.  My insurance doesn't cover it, but my mom has offered to help pay for it.  I just don't even know where to start.  I don't want her to grow up having uncontrollable anger does happen to run on both sides of her family.  As does depression, even though some family members believe it's a bogus medical condition.  Considering my history, I don't want her to have to fight this battle for the rest of her life and I don't want to feel like I need to defend her and make excuses for her either. 

I don't want to put another label on her or over medicate her.  When I talk to the pediatrician about it, I feel like she thinks I'm lacking as a mom.  That I should be able handle her with redirection and consequences.  I feel lost.  I feel inadequate.  I just want her to be happy...and not feel drawn to "other" activities to find her happiness.  Any words of advice on where to begin would be great.

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  1. Girl, I know what you are going through. My 6 year old is the same way. And I'm pretty sure her's isn't hormones. She has gotten violent toward her sisters. She flies into rages. And when I try to say something to her it's like she looks right through me. I just don't know what to do anymore. I brought it up to her Pediatrician and she acted like it was all normal. Hello.... I have 2 other girls. Granted Tori is 2, but Mack is 9 and NEVER acted this way..... :(

  2. Hi there! I found you from the blog hop! I feel for you in your situation. I have a friend who is battling anger and frustration issues with one of her girls. I'm a Counselor and by no means qualified to make any kind of recommendation without knowing you and your family specifically, but is there a chance that she may have been diagnosed or underdiagnosed? Those behaviors can be indicative of ADHD, but can also be other issues as well. You may qualify for reduced cost care under your state's Department of Mental Health or Mental Health Authority. I would start there. Hugs, and I hope it gets better for you!!

  3. teenage hormones are a force to be recond with. I remember having so real fine moments myself. My bff's daughter is around the same age and doing the same minute so sweet and fun and the next minute moody and angry, back-talking everyone.

    My daughter's not quite there, give us a few years. My friends advice, "just love her through it."

    Therapy could be helpful too. I know i love my shrink!

  4. Found you at the Blog Hop and trust me, I'm feeling your pain. While my oldest wasn't uncontrollable with her anger, she certainly was no picnic. She did, however, eventually calm down as she got a little older and took on more school related sports and activities. I think it definitely helped to mellow her out because now she and her sister are closer than ever. Good luck!!


  5. Hi! you should follow me back at :)

  6. I am so happy to have found you. Thanks for linking up to the Southern Mama's Blog Hop. I have a son with ADHD and go through some of the same side effects. He does go to therapy (on and off) and it does help with some of the behavior modification. I wish you luck!

  7. Happy Friday from the TGIF Blog Hop! I wish you luck with your daughter and figuring out what's best for you and the family.

  8. I am pretty sure all pre teen girls have some sort of bi polar tendencies. I have 2 and I constantly scream in my head please just start your period..I really just need to be able to time these moods out :)
    Found ya on the blog hop.

  9. I can relate to you so much on what you're saying! My son was diagnosed with ADHD last year and so far we've been able to keep him quasi-focused by switching to organic food. But I am really worried about when they start standardized testing. He's also in the gifted program but the poor kid just doesn't do well looking at a sheet of paper in front of him with words on it. We've been studying for the last few nights for his first spelling test and I wanted to RIP MY FREAKING HAIR OUT. And yet he recognizes and knows the name of every military jet that ever existed. I don't have any advice for you, as I'm just starting out. But how 'bout a (((HUG))) and a little solidarity? BTW I found you through the blog hop. I'm supposed to say that. :)

    1. BTW need to clarify about the organic food: We are currently not medicating. Lucas is part of the 10-15% who benefit from a diet of organic food for controlling ADHD symptoms. I'm so scared of going through that period where you have to 'play around' with the medication until you get it right. Yikes!

  10. I'm reading this wondering if I will deal with these same things with my boy who has ADHD. I hope you can find a solution that gives your whole family some peace.

    I found you through the TGIF Blog Hop and am following you now.

  11. sounds very difficult. hope things improve soon. you sound like you are doing the best you can

  12. My Mom says that girls at around the age of 11 tend to be at their very worst as far as emotionally unbalanced, preteen drama goes. So far, my parents have got 4 daughters past that stage and 2 more to go. So it seems pretty consistent that it's a common 'problem' age. But anger is a special kind of trouble, it is important to learn how to control your temper and to generally live peacefully with the rest of the world even when you don't want to. I hope things get better for you!