What I'd Really Like To Say....

Families would be so much less dysfunctional if everyone could just be honest and say how they really feel and be heard without defenses going up and blame being thrown around like a hot potato.  Hearing the truth sometimes hurts, but if your family can't tell you the truth; who can? Part of growing up is admitting when you're wrong, learning how to compromise and sometimes just agree to disagree.  If you're one of those people who thinks they're never wrong, you must live in a very lonely world.

I've been dealing with some family drama for going on 6 weeks.  I've tried to stay out of it, but still let my feelings about it be known.  For years, I felt like I was the only person that would stand up to this particular family member and now that someone else has, I'm backing them up from a distance....if that makes sense.  But now I feel like "no good deed goes unpunished".  

So here are some random things that I'd really like to say to random family members....

1. No matter how old we are, our parents are still our parents and deserve to be respected and appreciated.
2. I'm a mom too...and really Mother's Day is just another day to me.
3. Your birthday is not a national holiday.
4. Don't talk on your phone at the dinner table.  Excuse yourself or offer to return the call later.
5. Just because someone offers, doesn't mean you should necessarily accept.
6. Usually, if you ignore something it usually doesn't go away....it just gets bigger and bigger.
7. NOBODY is perfect!!
8. Jealousy only makes bad situations worse. 
9. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to, because they're the right thing to do.



This post is probably gonna hurt some feelings, but it was the only way I felt I could vent the things that were stewing inside me.  I love my family...my parents, my siblings, my kids and my extended family.  Most everything above has been said to the face of the person it's intended, but not necessarily heard or accepted.  Don't take your family for granted.  You never know what tomorrow holds.

Whew...now that I got all of that off my chest, I feel soooooo much better.

Am I Strong Enough To Be Their Mom?

 Last night I ran away.  I'm sure I wasn't setting a very good example to my kids, but it was the only choice I had.  It was run away or pull some kung fu moves out of my back pocket and straight onto Slou's face.

Allow me to rewind...to Monday morning.  I had a parent/teacher conference at 6:50am!!  That was HARD, but I did it because I'm dedicated to being the best mom I can be.  After talking with her teachers, I felt better...maybe a little more optimistic.  We now have a plan of attack.  We're working as a team to try to motivate and help her overcome this most recent obstacle....laziness!!  She had also lost her agenda...so I bought her a replacement.

I was certain that Monday afternoon/evening was going to be a positive homework encounter.  I was sadly mistaken.  She forgot her brand new agenda at school...along with every book that she needed in order to do her homework.  But did she figure this out when she got home from school, when she was SUPPOSED to start her homework? Hell no!!  It was after dinner!!  Needless to say, she was in bed early that night.

I was again hopeful that Tuesday would bring calmer weather.  She had called me when she got home and promised that she would get right on it and only leave what she needed my help with for when I got home.  Reasonable, right?  Yeah, she'd done 2 math problems when I got home.  She was on the defensive...taking every little thing I said as a personal attack.  She basically wanted me to do her effin homework for her.  Not happening!!  I sent her upstairs to read her science unit....of course she fell asleep.  I was okay with that...I had hoped that it would adjust her attitude and we could start on a clean slate after dinner.  NOPE!!!

I'll save you the gory details...because you might feel obligated to report me to DEFACS don't have all day.  It's impossible to help a child that doesn't want to be helped.  My patience are only so thick...which isn't very thick anyway.  Before I completely blew my lid, I calmly told her "I'm leaving.  Before I completely lose my mind, I'm leaving.  And when I get back, your homework better be done and the mess in the kitchen floor better be GONE!!"  She told me she was calling the police and then I ran away...to Kroger and to my sister's and to a big glass of wine.  I diverted all phone calls to my sister....because you know that bitch was blowing up.  I bathed and cuddled Squirt until my blood pressure was near normal...and then I went home.

Thanks to a couple of phone calls that talked me down from the ledge that might've ended with sending her to her dad's.  The pep talks reminded me that I am strong enough to be her mom.  Thank GOD when I got home, her homework was done, her mess was cleaned up, she was showered and in her bed waiting for me to kiss her goodnight.  Maybe running away was EXACTLY what I needed to do, to open her eyes to the effect that her behavior is having on me.

I'm convinced that she needs further testing...but every doctor that I talk to doesn't take my insurance.  I'm working on the counseling end too...but nothing can happen fast enough.  I've changed my category listing over at topmommyblogs from "humor" to "single moms"...and now I'm ranked #3 in my category.  That's right bitches!!!  I mean I know I'm funny...but my life isn't so funny right now...so I'm throwing the white flag and surrendering in ruling the world as a funny mom and setting my sights on the single mom thrown.  Continue clicking the banner, please.  And follow me on GFC, Facebook and Twitter.

 

Hypocrites?

So if you've been paying attention, you know I grew up in a "Christian" home.  You also know how well that worked out.  If you're new here, long story short....we basically ate, slept & breathed church until my parents got divorced and then we were shunned by all the judgmental, hypocritical Christians.  I'm not bitter, really I'm not.

Apparently the whole Sunday school lesson about not being a hypocrite didn't make as big of an impression on most everyone else.  Please allow me to remind you of the definition:

Definition of HYPOCRITE

1: a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion

2: a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings 

I'm grateful for the time that my family spent going to church.  I really do think that, despite my experience, it taught me to be a better person.  I believe in God and I don't believe I have to go to church 3 days a week to get into heaven.  I may cuss like a sailor, over indulge in drink from time to time and pass a little judgment here and there....but what I don't do is preach to everyone about my beliefs.  I don't quote scripture on my Facebook status.  My about me section isn't filled with how much I love Jesus or how thankful I am for God's love.  I am a Christian and I pray and I try my best to make good choices.  I do feel like I've failed my kids by letting my experience hinder me in helping them build a relationship with Christ.

I should probably back up and explain what got me fired up about this in the first place.  You know that nifty little section on your Facebook page titled "People You Might Know"?  Well last week a certain person popped up.  Someone that I try not to let affect me.  Someone that has contributed to the hurt & disappointment that my kids have felt.  So of course my curiosity got the best of me.  I'm nosy by nature...sue me.   Of course I snooped around and when I read their "About Me" section....I wanted to throw up, scream & punch someone in the face.  Does broadcasting how much you love God help  you sleep at night, after you've had the words of the devil projectile out of your mouth and onto my children?  

I've always tried to be the most genuine person I can possibly be.  I'm constantly coaching myself to take the high road.  I know that part of being a Christian is being able to forgive someone even if they're not sorry and not letting them affect your life.  It's REALLY hard with this one.  Not only has this person inflicted their venom on my children, but they're continued lack of gainful employment affects our lively hood.  I don't name names and I try hard to keep this category of my life out of this blog.  But DAMMIT...I'm tired of being the better person.  I'm tired of being the one that gets up and goes to work every day so my kids don't grow up on welfare and can have the things that they deserve.  It kills me knowing that this person blows money they didn't earn on extras that I do without.

Of course the right thing for me to do is pray for them.  I'm sorry my prayer list is full of prayers for children dying of cancer, children being kidnapped and forced into a life of sex trafficking and for my own kids to grow up to be NOTHING like the people that have hurt them most.  Now that I've gotten that off my chest....deep breath.

I think I must really need a weekend with my friends to lighten me up.  These non-funny posts are getting old.  You know the drill.  Facebook, Twitter and the banner below are begging to be clicked on....just do it!!!  Happy Monday!!!

Writer's Block

I'm suffering from a serious case of writer's block.  I've got at least 3 partial posts in my drafts, but I just can't seem to finish them off.  It's weird.  Usually a "topic" just pops in my head and over the course of the day, the words flow from my fingertips and magically appear on my screen.

Maybe it's just the crazy hectic schedule getting the best of me.  Maybe it's this cold/allergy haze that keeps threatening to kick my feet out from under me.  Maybe it's the terrible stress I'm feeling over my children lately.  Maybe it's the lack of money growing on my tree out back.  Or maybe it's all of it combined, but I just can't seem to fully focus on anything long enough to follow them through to completion.

So instead let me just use this opportunity to complain and cry in my coffee Coke Zero.  I worry that Slou has turned into a masterful storyteller and not in a good way.  Lies roll off her tongue as if they're her fluent language.  When asked about her homework, she doesn't skip a beat.  She has a perfectly logical reason why she doesn't have any.  Only they're not TRUE!!!

I also fear that Beelay has either transformed into a guiltless hypochondriac or I'm about to fork over money that hasn't yet sprouted for doctor's visits.  She has been complaining about back pain for a few weeks now.  When mentioned to the pediatrician, she blew it off and just recommended stretching.  Now, she's sat out of the last 2 practices and hasn't played a full game in 2 weeks.  I didn't pay for her to NOT play volleyball.  There are only 2 weeks left of the season.  Am I being insensitive by trying to force her to play through the pain?  If you ask her, YES!!!  So off to urgent care we went again last night (3rd time with her since July).  They are convinced it's muscular and that she probably just needs to take a couple weeks off and treat with heat and anti-inflammatory meds.  If after a 2 week break, she's still hurting...make an appt. with an orthopedist.  Of course the doctor said that if she could push through the pain, that she didn't think Beelay would do any permanent damage.  So what's a mom to do?  Bleed money, apparently.

We went to see Brad Paisley, Scotty McCreery & The Band Perry in concert on Saturday night.  It was really a great show...as long as I tuned out my bickering spawn.  One felt the need to constantly be in my personal bubble.  I can NOT stand being smothered, especially when it's 90 degrees and 200% humidity.  Add the competition for my attention and you've got an irritated mama.  Thank GOD for my mom and step-dad (it's easier than calling him her boyfriend after 12 years).  They successfully separated them from each other and from me.  It's amazing how much more space you have when everyone spreads out on both blankets instead of trying to squeeze onto one corner of one of them.  Note to self: do not take ungrateful brats to another concert together until they are old enough to be your DD and buy their own tickets.

Hopefully this inconveniently timed writers block will hit the road soon and I can get back to my more entertaining bubbly self.  Until then do a girl a favor and click the banner below and like me on GFC, Facebook and Twitter.  Happy hump day ya'll!!! 

Anger Issues...

My baby will be 11 years old next Tuesday.  She's already "blossoming" into a young lady.  She's not "started" yet, but it could be right around the corner or it could still be a couple of years.  How can you tell if what your daughter is going through is regular ol' hormones, depression or something worse?

She is so sweet & funny 50% of the time, but that other half she is testing at best and manic at worst.  She is medicated for ADHD.  I do believe some of her uncontrollable emotions are a side-effect to coming off her meds in the evenings.  We tried changing her meds last spring and it was a disaster.  While she was much easier to handle emotionally, her focus and drive were railroaded.  Since being diagnosed and medicated, she has ALWAYS exceeded expectations on her standardized testing and maintained mostly A's with just a couple of B's here and there.  Last year's CRCT (taken while messing w/ her meds) scores were WAY less than desirable.  She barely met expectations in all subjects.  While I was disappointed, she was devastated.  She was so upset with herself.  All I could say was "Honey, keep in mind this was when we were trying a different medicine.  I'm not upset with you.  Don't beat yourself up.  You'll do so much better this year."  She's terrified that they will "kick her out" of the gifted program.  So needless to say, we don't want to start messing with her meds again, if we can help it.

But something has got to give.  She flies off the handle if she stubs her toe.  She screams that I hate her and that she wants to kill herself when she gets in trouble.  She is constantly antagonizing her sister.  She's never been good at taking responsibility for her actions, although I always try to hold her accountable.  When she flies into one of her rages, I've gotten into the habit of immediately sending her to her room to calm down and to keep myself from losing it too.  She'll usually come back down less than 5 min. later and apologize, but then often doesn't even remember what she's sorry for or what set her off.  I've tried talking to her about thinking before speaking and taking deep breaths.

I'm certain she would benefit from some therapy or counseling.  My insurance doesn't cover it, but my mom has offered to help pay for it.  I just don't even know where to start.  I don't want her to grow up having uncontrollable anger issues....it does happen to run on both sides of her family.  As does depression, even though some family members believe it's a bogus medical condition.  Considering my history, I don't want her to have to fight this battle for the rest of her life and I don't want to feel like I need to defend her and make excuses for her either. 

I don't want to put another label on her or over medicate her.  When I talk to the pediatrician about it, I feel like she thinks I'm lacking as a mom.  That I should be able handle her with redirection and consequences.  I feel lost.  I feel inadequate.  I just want her to be happy...and not feel drawn to "other" activities to find her happiness.  Any words of advice on where to begin would be great.

Thanks for reading.  Here's the link to my Facebook and please click the banner below to lift my spirits and my rankings at topmommyblogs.com.  Also, I've linked up with Southern Mama's Blog Hop...click the button above to read more blogs from other Southern Mamas.  Happy Hump Day y'all!!

Week 5: E = Entertaining

It's already week 4 in  Love Kate's A-Z All About Me challenge.  When she first invited me to join, I thought "What the hell?  Why not?  This will be easy peasy!!"  I thought wrong.  This is seriously a challenge for me.  I hadn't realized just how hard it is for me to actually write about myself...as opposed to my kids or friends or just my feelings in general.  This has really been making me dig deep and it's really been giving me "creative" anxiety....definitely not your elementary school writing assignment.  So here we go....


As a kid, I was shy.  I never wanted to be the center of attention.  You wanna talk about stage fright?  Put me at the front of the classroom for a presentation and I would full on freeze.  I suck at public speaking.  I hate walking into crowded rooms or restaurants by myself...just the thought gives me a mild anxiety attack. But amazingly enough, I'm not an anxious person.

Anyway, all of this being said, once I'm in my comfort zone, I thrive on ENTERTAINING those around me...even if it's at my own expense.  I've mastered the art of laughing at myself.  I don't embarrass easily...nor does my family.

Maybe that's why I've taken such an obsessive liking to blogging.  It's a platform that enables me to entertain a large number of people without actually having to get up on stage.  I'll go ahead and share a couple of entertaining moments (aka: moments I managed not to kill my kids).


1. Yesterday was bug the shit out of your sister day...who knew?  While I locked myself in my room to finish a phone conversation with Jennifay...Slou decided it would be a great idea to throw our poor 17 year old kitty at Beelay...while she was laying on the couch watching the Olympics.  


2. The other day I was "trying" to have my "turn" with my nephew, Squirt.  It's impossible to actually enjoy your time with him, when you've got his 2 cousins constantly invading your bubble and asking "Is it my turn yet?"....and one of them thinks she's his second mommy and knows more than ANY of us, when it comes to feeding, burping, soothing, etc.  I finally sent them upstairs!!  While I cuddled with Squirt and watched "The Big C" with my sister...we kept hearing screams, squeals, giggles and other "up to no good" sounds.  I tuned them out, because I knew they were only doing it to get a rise out of me.  Later, when I go upstairs for the night, I walk into my room and every.single.shoe.in.my.closet is strewn across my bedroom.  Then they both just play dumb when I ask about it.  LITTLE SHITS!!!!


3. Last week, I wrote this in one of my private groups...and now I can't exactly remember what even set me off in the first place...but I'm sure it was justified:

"I can't even describe the havoc that ensues when I go from complete heavy lidded relaxation...with sleep only seconds away to jumping out of my bed fighting the urge to slap my child in the face....whatever that feeling was intensified when she pushed me and told me she hated me. Lord give me the strength to not go rip her wet naked ass out of the shower by her hair and beat the ever living shit out of her. Bye bye restful sleep...hello rage!!!"

I hope you've found this to be at least a little bit entertaining...otherwise I've just wasted a whole lot of my writing mojo...and that alone makes me sad.  I'd love for you to follow me here or on Facebook here. Also, take a second of your time and click on the banner below to vote for me at topmommyblogs.com.  Happy hump day hookers...

Clowns Gone Wild - A Girl's Trip...Part 1

Let me start with this....we are INSANE!!!  We're aware of it...we've embraced it and we rock it!!

We decided to hit the road at 4:30am to road trip it to PCB.  Sure, it's only a 5-6 hour drive and we can't check-in until 4pm...but we were like kids on Christmas Eve.  We didn't care if we had to change into our bathing suits in a gas station bathroom and park at a public beach access....we were gonna have an extra day on the beach.  DAMMIT!!!

So about an hour into our voyage, the adventure begins.  Sunflower had to pee (or wait, maybe I had to poop)!!  We get off the interstate (coincidentally the exit to my Gramma's nursing home) and pull in to the Racetrac parking lot.  The first thing I notice is the half dressed meth head leaned up against a parked car smoking a cigarette.   Turns out there was a whole car load of meth heads.  I'm certain we interrupted a drop off.  By the time we had all peed and grabbed a CAFFEINATED beverage, the half dressed one was clothed and looked like he was headed to a job interview.  As we're about to back out of the parking spot, we notice the Racetrac employee that's standing by the dumpster, puffing away on her cancer stick...and then naturally coughs up a lung and all of the contents of her stomach.  We all concur that we're now leaving the meth capital of Coweta County (Mom, make sure you lock your doors at night) and proud of ourselves for quitting...pretty much together.


Another hour or so and we're all FAMISHED!!  No road trip is complete without a meal at Cracker Barrel.  It was uneventful, except for the fact that we (minus Lollipop) decided to announce Lollipop's engagement to Jinx for them...on FB.  See, she swears that she HATES FB and that she doesn't give a shit about broadcasting her relationship status for the whole world to see...but we know better. We called her bluff and spread the news...she can thank us later, when her stubborn ass realizes that it's okay to brag about an engagement and that it's only insanely psychotic to constantly change it back and forth between "in a relationship", "single" and "it's complicated".


At some point during the trip, Chiquita has an epiphany..."I swear I shaved my legs this morning.  Oh wait, I did...I just forgot this one.  Guess shaving at 2:45am isn't the best idea after all."  Nothing like trying to get comfortable for a long drive and your leg hairs tickling the other leg.


Enough about the drive down there.  Let's get to the fun stuff.  We pull into town about 10:30am...made a stop at Target to stock up on groceries,  hit the liquor store (and got accosted by a cloud from the 90 year old lady's Swisher Sweet cigar...making visibility less than 12" and probability of breathing nil) to grab more beer (bc you know we already had a case iced down) vodka...and wait, porn?  Yes, that's right...this place had shelves and shelves of magazines and videos (not dvd's) of what appeared to be 1980's AIDS inducing porn.  As disappointing as it might be, we did not buy any...but we giggled (and coughed and gasped for air) all the way to the property mgt. office, who were nice enough to let us check in EARLY!!!!


We are finally at the beach...BITCHES!!  First on the agenda, is peach moonshine shots.  YUMMY...and evil!!  After several beers and peach and hours in the sun, turns out Chiquita turns into a feisty bitch.  Who of you are surprised by this?  She ran her mouth all the way to dinner, all during dinner and the whole way back to our condo.  I'm telling you she was out of control...and all of her venom was directly entirely at me.  I was ready to punch her in the face or let her walk her know-it-all ass back to the condo...in the end we just snuggled and had a completely random conversation about timeshares and then....poured another drink and gathered around the kitchen table telling stories about family secrets and stories.  I used to think my family was dysfunctional, until I met Lollipop and Chiquita.  I grew up thinking that shit only happened in movies...I was wrong.  Uncles marrying each others girlfriends, cousins blowing up meth bombs...family trees on the dept. of corrections website.  I could NOT make this shit up!!


Wake up and do it all over again....breakfast, beach, beer, moonshine, more beer, lunch, more beach, beer and moonshine.  We all wanted to go out one night while we were down there...and luckily we do share brain cells to make brilliant decisions sometimes.  We went out Friday night...so if we felt like ca-ca the next day, it wouldn't be the day we had to drive home.  GOOD THINKING!!!!  I should probably do a whole other post about our Friday night shenanigans....and the chaos that ensued.


STAY TUNED!!!

PS: I wasn't the first one to hurt themselves either....just sayin' 

Check out part 2....here!!


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Take This Job...

I've tried to refrain from saying much about my job on my blog...you know for professional reasons.  But just like I need to write about my children to keep from stabbing their eyes out sometimes, I NEED to write about the insanity that goes on in this place...so I don't accidentally drop rat poison in the coffee pot or slit someones throat walking down the hall.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm thankful for my job and for the most part, I enjoy what I do.  Just like at home, this family is full of dysfunction.

I work with  my sister, but she's obviously out on maternity leave.  So that just leaves me and a washed up princess in the office, most of the time.  I've been here for 12 years, so I know how it works...but that doesn't mean it doesn't drive me batty sometimes.  I must vent...NOW!!!

Monday at 11:25am, I get a text that says "I'll be there later. I was up all night with a stomach thing and I still feel bad.  Gonna lay down a little longer."  No, that's not a typo...it was 11:25am!!  See, she's the self-titled "VP of Sales" but she doesn't grace us with her presence until usually 11:30ish.  However, allow me to translate that text for you.  What she really meant was "I'm still drunk from last night.  I smoked 3 packs of cigarettes and I feel like I've been licking newspapers. I forgot to take my dog out last night and he shit all over my house."  She finally called around 2pm to let me know she was just gonna stay home because she still didn't feel good.  Here's where I'm torn...am I happy because I've narrowly escaped having to hear her whine about EVERYTHING for the rest of the day? Or am I pissed because yet again, she's not earning her paycheck and forcing me to skip lunch because nobody's here to answer the phone? Bet you thought I was gonna say I was torn about feeling sorry for her ass!!!  WRONG!!!

Then I finally tear the month of May off of my calendar...and I see in GIANT RED letters WUP Hair Appt. @ 1:15 on Tuesday.  Are you effing kidding me?  She's called out with a hangover today....and she's gonna come in here long enough to put on her make-up and feed her dog (yes, those are things she should be doing before she comes to work at 11:30) before she has to leave again.  Guess I'm skipping lunch AGAIN!!!

The best part about doing the jobs of 4 people is your day FLIES by.  Tuesday I was slammed!!  I'm talking...running down the hall with sweat stinging my eyes, multi-tasking like a ROCKSTAR!!!  When I'm about to turn the corner, I'm stopped by the insurance salesman that had called last week.  Here's our conversation (from last week):

Asshat: I Ms. Disaster, My name is Asshat.  Last time we spoke, you had said that all of  your health insurance needs were handled by a friend of yours that is a broker.

Me: Yep, she's still my friend and she's still my broker. (Thinking to myself: If you take such good notes WTF are you wasting my time AGAIN?)

Asshat: Well since we last spoke, we've added quite a few new services and money saving tools to our program.  I've got an appointment right around the corner from you next week.  If you've got 5 minutes to spare, I'd love to just drop off some information.

Me: I really don't have 5 minutes right now.  I'm really not interested in changing anything either, but if you want to just drop off your info and leave at the front desk...I'll be happy to stick in my file, just in case something changes down the road.

Asshat: Okay.  Thank you and have a blessed day.  (Just because you blessed my day...does NOT mean that you're gonna get my business)

Fast forward back to yesterday morning, me panting and obviously training for a marathon.  In walks Asshat.  SHIT!!!  Here's our conversation:

Asshat: Hi, I'm looking for Ms. Disaster.

Me: That's me.

Asshat: I'm Asshat from HRus.  I'll only take up a few minutes of your time....(I cut him off)

Me: As you can see, I'm really busy here.  I don't have a few minutes to spare right now.  If you want to leave a packet up front...(he cuts me off and tries to breeze into his sales spiel)

Asshat: Okay, well this is a brochure about our company, blah blah blah....(I cut him off as I'm trying to herd him towards the door)

Me:  I'll take a look at it when I have time and I'll give you a call if I have any questions.  

Can you guess where his packet of information is now?

Then today, I FINALLY got to take a lunch break!!!  Of course, I'm broke trying to save money...so I brought my lunch and so I'm not tempted to spend money I don't have, I sit in the empty spare office and read my book.  I do this a lot...I'm not sure why though, because it never fails.  At least one person ALWAYS comes in and wants to ask me a question about work or what I'm reading or they just stand outside the door and talk really loud to each other...making it near impossible for my ADHD brain to focus on what I'm reading.  DAMN YOU PEOPLE!!!  Can't you see I'm NOT at my DESK!?!?! 


All I can say is I can't wait to get a full paycheck for the first time in 4 years!!!  Our hours have been cut for so long, I don't honestly remember the last time I got a check for 8o hours.  So even though I'm slammed, fighting my boss over the thermostat and missing my Fridays OFF...I'm gonna take a deep breath, now that I've gotten that out of my system and finish the rest of my day being thankful that I have a job.

 

New Baby Etiquette....For Lack of a Catchier Title

I'm super excited to announce that I'm finally an aunt.  A for real bona fide blood related aunt.  I'm totally and completely in love with this little boy!!!  I had no idea my heart could swell with so much love for a little breathing human being that didn't actually come out of my own vag.  He is beautiful, isn't he? 

My sister was a trooper!!!  Things got a little hairy there at the end...but everyone pulled through just fine.  They're all home from the hospital and trying to adjust to having a sweet baby in the house.  And trying to make everyone happy when it comes to visiting and holding Squirt...but this task is proving to be way more difficult than it should be.

As a new mom, she should be able to say "Ya know, I'm really kinda tired and I'd really like to just take it easy and not have any guests today." Or "Well, I've got some family traveling into town to meet Squirt and I'd really like to just have a smaller group over today...so everyone (including myself) has plenty of time to love on him."  These things should be able to be communicated without others feelings being hurt.  Especially the feelings of those that live the closest and will have the most opportunity to have the baby to themselves after the newness has worn off.

A new mom's primary concern should be resting/recuperating from giving birth and bonding with their new baby.  They shouldn't be having to deal with the stress of family drama and playing hostess to all of their extended family.  Sure everyone is excited and can't wait to meet the newest family member, but is within the new parent's rights to set parameters and guidelines as to who they are comfortable having around their baby in the first few days and weeks of his life.  

The main focus here should be: What can we do to help you?  Not is it my turn yet?  So and so got to hold him longer than I did.  It's frustrating to see my sister trying to hold it together and worrying about making everyone happy rather than just relaxing  and enjoying her sweet boy. 

I know that nobody is doing this on purpose...they're just having a hard time stepping back and seeing it from my sister's point of view.  So next time some one you love has a baby, think twice about rushing to visit as soon as the get home from the hospital.  Maybe offer to bring them dinner one night and stay for a short visit and then leave it up to the new parents as to when another visit is a good idea.  And if it's family, make sure you focus on what you can do to help them with around the house...so they can focus on figuring out parenthood on their own.  Hormones and emotions are already all over the place after having a baby...make sure you're not overstepping your boundaries or overstaying your welcome too.

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Bite Your Tongue...

Parenthood is a constant tug-of-war.  I'm constantly questioning myself...do I say something? Do I let them figure it out on their own?  Do I let them fight it out in the front yard?  Do I beat them senseless?  Do I walk away?  Do they need their hearing checked?  Am I screwing them up?  Are they going to need therapy and meds when they grow up? 

One of my mom's best pieces of parenting advice was "Pick your battles."  I totally get what she meant too...I just haven't quite grasped how to decipher which battles I'm supposed to fight and which ones to bypass.  I mean obviously I'm not gonna sit around and debate whether the sky is blue, but it's not always a simple black and white.  Plus, I have two GIRLS!!!  WWIV, V & VI are likely to take place at my house at some point.

Unfortunately, living with my dad...it gets, well a little stormy sometimes.  He's of the opinion that rules are rules and are to be followed NO MATTER WHAT.  He sees every battle as important and that the adult is ALWAYS the victor, even if they're not right.  To him, it's more about the girls respecting their elders and not challenging my authority...EVER!!  But whats that saying? Well behaved girls rarely grow up to make history?  That's the theory that my parenting is based on...or well that's what I tell myself when I want to choke out my children or duct tape them to their beds.  

Bottom line, they're my kids.  I'm their mom.  I'm their sole provider and disciplinarian.  If I want to let them stay up past their bedtime, that's my choice.  If I say they can have ice cream for dinner because they had a craptastic day...that's on me.  If I want to walk away when one of them is being a disrespectful shithead, let me.  I'm probably doing it so I don't actually choke them out.  Let me count to 10, take a few deep breaths and come back to it.  I don't need you to jump in and take over.  I need you to tune us out.  If I need your help, I'll ask for it.

I don't want to sound ungrateful to my parents with this post.  If by chance either of them read it, I totally understand their point of view.  This is just my platform to communicate my thoughts and feelings and to vent if need be...or even talk myself through things and possibly end up at the same conclusion they did.  

I was raised in a house where your parent's NO meant NO! If we questioned why...the answer was because they said so.  Sometimes I think the answer was NO simply because they wanted us to know that we didn't always get our way...which I'm in total agreement with sometimes.  A child that grows up ALWAYS getting their way, grows up to be a selfish rotten adult.  However I do try not to abuse my authority either.  If there's not a solid good reason for me to say no, I usually say yes.  Maybe I'm a softy on some things...sue me!!   I'm tough as nails when it comes to what is important to me...and they know it.

Ultimately I know I'm doing a good job.  My kids are well-mannered (when they're NOT around me).  They're thoughtful, helpful & sweet (when they're NOT around each other).  They're smart, witty & clumsy (all the time).  I'm proud to say I'm their mom...even when I want to stab out both of their eyes due to an unwisely timed eye-roll.  So when they're actually getting along and giggling in one of their bedrooms, I bite my tongue and let them have fun.  Even though another one of my mom's quotes rings in my ears "it's all fun and games til someone gets hurt".  I cross my fingers, eyes & toes that they'll grow up and be friends one day.


Please follow me here and on Facebook and share my stories with your friends.  Happy Friday everyone.  My house survived the first week of summer without it coming to blows...hope yours did too :)

Family Dysfunction At It's Finest...

Yesterday was my baby brother's 30th birthday.  WOW, my parents must feel old.  For the special occasion the family met for dinner downtown.  We went to this hip Mexican-ish cantina.  I just tried to look up their website and had to share this review by the Foodie Asshole. He nailed it spot on.  The guacamole was great, as was the queso fundido...but my shrimp enchilada left much to be desired.  And the service was rather slow.  Anyway, this wasn't meant to be a restaurant review.

I love my brother!!  He is brilliant.  And he's funny...and he's a dirty 30 year old smartass!!  Boy did his boyfriend luck out with him.  We're sitting at the table.  My mom is having a conversation with Beelay...so they didn't hear Uncle say "So ya think Beelay inherited your boobs?"  Me: "Yep, pretty sure she did.  It sucks!!  Uncle: "Well, I'm impressed!!"  You dirty bastard, order another drink.  In all honesty, he really wasn't being creepy about it.  It's been a little while since he's seen her...and I must admit she's VERY well endowed.  If there was anything I wished I couldn't pass on to my children, it would be "the girls".

Then after we've finally gotten our appetizers...and then our meals shortly after, he reminds me of a story from when Beelay was maybe 3 years old.  We were at Gramma's house, either for Christmas or Thanksgiving.  Gramma always said the prayer...and she ALWAYS cried when she said it!!  Well, my demented siblings NEVER bow their heads for the prayer.  They make inappropriate faces and gestures at each other, while nobody's looking and try to make each other laugh.  Well, this particular time...Beelay didn't bow her head either.  "Uncle, what was that thing you did to Auntie? With the peace sign up to your mouth like this?" And precedes to wiggle her tongue between her fingers.  No wonder she's a dirty minded little snot (I'll share a couple more examples at the end).  Her Uncle and Auntie corrupted her at an early age!!!  I had forgotten all about that one, til he reminded me last night.

Then while we're singing Happy Birthday, he and Beelay become the restaurant's live entertainment.  Uncle can DANCE!!!  Beelay, well she tries.  They were walking like Egyptians among other things.  While I'm trying to keep a sleepy & grumpy SLou from getting in trouble by snapping at my dad...who happens to be watching the dance off from the other end of the table.  He was smiling, but I know what he was thinking...and it wasn't that it was entertaining.

As we're closing out and waiting for our checks, we're pretty sure all of the wait staff must've done a line of coke in the kitchen.  First one guy drops a full plate of food right at the end of our table...lettuce, rice, beans, shards of plate all go flying all over Pip's (my brother's significant other) legs.  Everyone is rushing to clean it up and to make sure that Pip isn't hurt...and then I kid you not, less than 5 min. later a waitress trips and drops 2 glasses of red wine right behind us!!!  Seriously?!?! 

We're in downtown Atlanta at the corner of Peachtree and 5th Street.  Walking past the patio full of people enjoying their dinner, my TOASTED brother is skipping down the street and back with a Tootsie Roll Pop in his mouth and another in his hand...and skips up to me and pokes me in the boob with the sucker stick!!!  And giggles and laughs and says "I poked your boobie!!  It didn't pop!!" NEVER a dull moment!!!  I just thought I wanted him to spend more time with his nieces...there's no telling what kind of material they'd come back with. 

Now for some examples of Beelay's train of thought:

She went to the beach with a friend over spring break.  While fishing at the pier with her friend and her friend's brother...they looked down and saw a bunch of jellyfish.  Beelay then asked "Where are their testicles?" Brother gives her an awkward uncomfortable look...and friend says "Beelay, their tentacles!!


While running across the soccer field barefoot after SLou's game last week, she all but yells "Ouch, this grass is horny...I mean thorny!!  I swear that just slipped out."