All Lives Matter....

I was born and raised in the south. I was raised to see a person, a boy or girl, not a color.  When I was really young, we lived in VERY south Georgia.  I don't have many memories from then, but I remember 2 friends from church.  Kitsi and Summer.  Kitsi was white.  Summer was black.  The only reason I knew Summer was different from me was by her braids.  I loved them.  I wanted braids just like hers. I'm pretty sure I begged her mom to braid my hair too, but was told my hair couldn't be braided like that.

Fast forward a few years.  My family moved to Roswell...but our church was downtown off of Ponce.  You wanna talk about diversity? We had black members, white members, homeless members...you name it, we saw it. 

One Sunday, a black girl was visiting.  Her braids looked just like Summer's.  I couldn't take my eyes off of them. But apparently my stares made her uncomfortable.  I'm pretty sure I had no idea I was even staring.  To my 10 year old eyes, I saw the possibility of a new friend.  But to her eyes, she must've seen a little white girl looking down on her.  I don't remember exactly what she said to me, but it wasn't nice or friendly.  Something along the lines of "quit staring at me"...but it felt like a slap in the face.  That was the day I learned there was more than braids that made us different.

I'm not racist.  I'm not a bigot.  I'm not a xenophobe.  I'm simply white.  I can't change that any more than a zebra can change their stripes.  I'm afraid of where our country is headed.  Today was supposed to be a day of exploring new places with my girlfriends.  Starting with the Ponce City Market, right down the street from that same church.  But because of the possibility of protests & riots, we've been forced to change our plans.  I'm disappointed and I'm disgusted that it's come to this.

How did we get here?  I know my parents raised me to treat everyone the way I wanted to be treated.  They raised me to respect authority, not defy it.  The police ARE the good guys.  They sign up for the job to protect us, not to gun down innocent people.  But their lives are threatened everyday, by people (black, white, Asian, Indian, etc.) who mean to do them harm.  They have to protect themselves too.  I can't quote statistics, but I'm sure the innocent person shot by the police is an exception to the rule, rather than the rule.  Just like there are a few bad cops out there too, but that doesn't make every police officer the enemy.

This fire of HATRED is fueled by activists like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton...and Barrack Obama.  The media does their part to throw a little gasoline on it too.  Yes, there are racists, bigots and xenophobes in this world, but they're a small number compared to the millions of people like me, that are also labeled by their skin color.  I have no idea if my ancestors owned slaves...chances are they probably did.  However there's also an extremely high likelihood that some of their descendants (more of my ancestors) fought to abolish slavery.  For how many more generations are we gonna fight this war? We're all people.  We all matter! 

Raising Teenage Girl Probs....

Ok, ok, ok....I know I've been a terribly shitty blogger lately.  My only excuse is that I haven't had time.  Bite me.  But I would like to thank those of you that have been pushing, prodding and nagging me to get my act together and come up with some new material.  So without further adieu...

My 14 year old daughter actually asked me the other day when she could get on birth control.  That's right...14!!!  Not for the actual birth control part though.  She's having some really rough cycles.  I hate it for her, I REALLY DO!!  I remember how bad it could be...and really how bad it still can be for me if I weren't on birth control myself.  I try to be sympathetic, but you're not missing a week of school because Aunt Flow is in town.  So I have been suckered into letting her miss first PERIOD (pun intended) a time or two, but when you grow up; you gotta learn to push through it.

I'm sure you all want to know my answer, right?  Well, I actually said "we'll talk about it when you're 30." And prayed she would get the hell out of my room....which of course she didn't.  She wanted to talk about when I got on the pill and when I had sex for the first time, GASP!!!!  Apparently one night when I had one too many glasses of wine or had already taken my sleeping pill and my judgement was WAY off, I admitted to her how old I was when I lost my virginity.  I hope I also shared with her some great words of wisdom and successfully talked her into being a virgin until she's at least 25.  But honestly I don't remember telling her anything.  DAMMIT!!!

After she dropped all of that in my lap and I swallowed my shock and embarrassment, I explained to her that the reason I didn't want her on the pill (even if it is to regulate her period, cramps, hormones, etc.), because I felt like it would encourage her to make bad choices.  That I felt like when my mom put me on the pill, she was giving me permission to have sex.  Even though I know without a doubt that wasn't the case.  

I believe I ended the conversation with "Go take some ibuprofen.  Plug in the heating pad and we'll talk about this in a couple of years."  So just when I thought this whole subject had been dealt with, they pass this INSANITY that will allow a 15 year old to buy the "morning after" pill.  ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME????  

I don't want my girls to even know there's a "Plan B" out there.  Trust me when I say, I'm not naive.  I know that the chances of both of them waiting until they're married are minuscule, but a mom can hope and pray; can't she?  

I do feel pretty confident that at least my older daughter and I have a very open relationship.  She is often times, too comfortable talking to me about certain things.  I'm not complaining.  I hope that when the time comes for her to take a relationship to "that" level, she'll make responsible decisions.  That she'll ALWAYS use protection, even if she is on the pill.  See, I'm not in total denial.  Eventually I'll give in and let her get on BC, but NOT at 14 or 15...or maybe even 16.  I'll just cross that bridge when we get to it.  

Bottom line, I don't think "Plan B" should be an option.  I'm afraid that CHILDREN won't understand that a condom is still important because no pill prevents STDs.  I'm still a firm supporter of preaching abstinence!!

I know this wasn't the funny post ya'll were hoping for, but it's what was on my mind when I finally found the time to write.  I'll try to be more entertaining next time.  Until then, follow me on Facebook.  Peace!!        

Responsible Voting...Please Be Informed

Okay people, I don't usually discuss politics on here.  I don't like arguing with brick walls and I'm guilty of being a brick wall from time to time myself.  I don't enjoy preaching about my political views and I've never set out to try to change anyone's views either.  I grew up in a very conservative Republican home.  But I'd like to think that I see both sides...but I'm willing to agree that I've probably been highly influenced by my father's views, because they make sense.  However, there have been times that I may have thought one of the independents would be a better choice, but then I feel like I'm wasting my vote if I vote for an independent candidate...and then forced to vote for the lesser of two evils.

I watched the Presidential debates last week.  I even had my kids watch some of them with me.  The one thing that stood out to both of them was that President Obama never really answered a question.  He talked in circles and then dismissed the questions.  I felt like both candidates spent more time repeating themselves over and over than actually informing all of us voters about what they intend to do to save our country.

The next day Chiquita sent me this video.  It's long, but it's information EVERYONE should know about the rules of these so-called debates.  They are a sham.  Both parties are guilty of blocking other independent parties from participating in the debates.  Most of the companies producing the polling results exclude the independents as well.  It's a sad and scary thought.  Please take the time to watch this video. 

 
I also went to see Obama's 2016 over the weekend.  I'm begging you...GO SEE THIS!!!  It is eye opening.  It's not politically charged.  This documentary is something that EVERY SINGLE AMERICAN VOTER should watch.  It uncovers many of President Obama's views and secrets that he tried very hard to hide.  Did you know that in his 4 years of office, he's acquired more national debt than George Washington through Bill Clinton COMBINED!?!?  It's predicted that if he's reelected our national debt will be upwards of 20 TRILLION dollars!!  At that point, we will be owned my China.  He is working towards the United States depleting their nuclear warheads down from 5000 to 1500 to even less.  Do you understand what that means?  That means that we're vulnerable...wide open for attack with no way to protect ourselves.  It outlined the true reasons that he has blocked the Keystone pipeline and halted offshore drilling...and it has nothing to do with what is best for our country.  

President Obama's true intentions have ZERO to do with traditional democratic views and opinions.  He is anti-American and anti-colonization.  So again, I beg you to take the time to go see this documentary.  I am not asking you to vote for Mitt Romney...although that is what I intend to do.  I'm hoping and praying that he can help undo the mess that Obama has made and save our country before it's too late.  By voting for Barack Obama, you are NOT voting for the democratic party...you are voting for a socialist communist.  Don't believe everything you hear from the media...do your own research.   If you're not registered to vote, tomorrow is the deadline.  You can click here to register online. 


I know that many of my readers will probably disagree with this post.  I hope that we can all just agree to disagree.  I'm optimistic that this won't turn you completely off of my blog, because obviously if you've been reading long, you know that I don't usually post this kind of stuff...but I felt this situation too serious not to share it with my readers.  

And here's where I hope new readers will take a chance to follow me here on GFC, Facebook and on Twitter and if you agree with me, please, please, please share this with your friends.  Also, click on the banner below to vote for me at topmommyblogs.com...it only takes a click.  Thank you and have a great Monday!!! 

Wanna bet?

I'm taking bets on which of my girls will be the death of me.  Which one will finally break that thin thread that is holding my sanity neatly inside my body.  At this point, it's anyone's game.

Yesterday, Beelay had volleyball tryouts at school until 5:15...so we were already gonna be later than normal getting home. 

B: "Ma, can I go to Main Event tonight?" (it's a Wed. night youth program at a church down the street.)  

M: "B, I don't know.  Let's get home first and we'll talk about it." 


B: "Well, I gotta know.  It starts in 30 minutes." 

M: "Are you serious?  Then I'm sorry.  The answer is no."

B: "MOM, it's CHURCH!!!  You're telling me NO to CHURCH???  It's the first time I've been able to go in weeks.  I really want to go!!"

M: "B, you think you've been busy?  Who's been driving you all of those places?  I'm sorry.  This is the ONLY night all week we don't have something going on.  You're not going."

B: "You're mean...."

Fast forward an hour or so.  Slou ran her mouth and got sent to her room. Beelay sat on the couch and played with Squirt.  Slou was called back downstairs and set the table.  Both girls bickered and Slou took it too far again and got sent to her room again.  We ate.  I called Slou back down to eat by herself and the next thing I know Beelay is gone on a walk with Squirt.  WTF?!?!  I tell my sister that I'd rather her (Beelay) come back in and help with the dishes.  She says "Oh, I'll help with the dishes."  Well thanks, but she has responsibilities and she keeps getting out of them because she's helping with the baby.

When she got back, I asked her to wipe the table off and wash the 3 hand washable pieces in the sink and wipe down the counters.  Trust me...that was getting off easy.  Dad doesn't know how to cook without dirtying up every dish in the kitchen.  She reluctantly does what she's asked and then I tell her that as soon as her sister is out of the shower, I want her in it and in bed by 10pm.

Here's what actually happened.  Let me start with a little TMI.  My lady parts have been kicking my ass so badly that it's hurt to stand up straight for almost 3 days.  So after I finished with my duties, I had a date with my heating pad and my DVR.  Slou took a shower, finished her homework and then came to lay with me.  At this point, where should Beelay be?  That's right, in the shower.


Instead she is baking EFFING cupcakes for her soccer team!!!  WTH!?!?!  And sending me the following texts.  Can't you feel the love?
   

  

I finally went downstairs after I tucked Slou in.  I seriously stood there and watched her unload....the....dishwasher slower than molasses.  She finally comes upstairs about 9:45...but did she get her stinky ass in the shower?  Oh hell no!!  She ran a damn bath!!!!!!  I had to remove my loving heating pad from my womb 3 times to tell her that time was up and to get out of the bathtub before she actually did.  Wanna know what time she finally got in the bed?  11pm!!!  Because of this, she is staying home this weekend.  No football games.  No birthday parties.  No sleepovers.  And what's really gonna suck is Sat. night....because I'm not staying home with her.  She can hang out with Pa!!  I'm checkin out for the night.  Peace!!!

Keep in mind that I reminded her multiple times that I needed to leave a few minutes early this morning and to make sure she had all of her volleyball stuff together before she went to bed...because she has tryouts again after school and practice with her other team after that.

I woke her up nicely at 7am.  I woke her up again at 7:15am...not as nicely.  She kept promising "I'll be ready!!"  At 7:50am (not early btw)...I was in my car...in reverse, when she ran out the door brushing her teeth!!  She spit in the front yard and gargled with a cup of water and spit again and jumped in my car.  Are you serious?  Then she says "OMG, I hope my bra is in this bag!!"  What?  That's right.  She had to maneuver her DD's into their over the shoulder holder in the front seat of my car on the way to school.

STORY.OF.MY.LIFE!!!

So in case you thought you were riding this roller coaster alone, you're not.  I'm sitting on the front row...with my arms held high above my head, screaming at the top of my lungs and praying with all of my might that I'm still alive when the ride is over...in however many years.

Please join my padded room club by following me here on GFC, on Facebook and on Twitter.  Also take a second to click on the banner below to help continue to prove I'm worthy of some sort of bragging rights.  Thanks ya'll...Have a great day!!!

 

Hypocrites?

So if you've been paying attention, you know I grew up in a "Christian" home.  You also know how well that worked out.  If you're new here, long story short....we basically ate, slept & breathed church until my parents got divorced and then we were shunned by all the judgmental, hypocritical Christians.  I'm not bitter, really I'm not.

Apparently the whole Sunday school lesson about not being a hypocrite didn't make as big of an impression on most everyone else.  Please allow me to remind you of the definition:

Definition of HYPOCRITE

1: a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion

2: a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings 

I'm grateful for the time that my family spent going to church.  I really do think that, despite my experience, it taught me to be a better person.  I believe in God and I don't believe I have to go to church 3 days a week to get into heaven.  I may cuss like a sailor, over indulge in drink from time to time and pass a little judgment here and there....but what I don't do is preach to everyone about my beliefs.  I don't quote scripture on my Facebook status.  My about me section isn't filled with how much I love Jesus or how thankful I am for God's love.  I am a Christian and I pray and I try my best to make good choices.  I do feel like I've failed my kids by letting my experience hinder me in helping them build a relationship with Christ.

I should probably back up and explain what got me fired up about this in the first place.  You know that nifty little section on your Facebook page titled "People You Might Know"?  Well last week a certain person popped up.  Someone that I try not to let affect me.  Someone that has contributed to the hurt & disappointment that my kids have felt.  So of course my curiosity got the best of me.  I'm nosy by nature...sue me.   Of course I snooped around and when I read their "About Me" section....I wanted to throw up, scream & punch someone in the face.  Does broadcasting how much you love God help  you sleep at night, after you've had the words of the devil projectile out of your mouth and onto my children?  

I've always tried to be the most genuine person I can possibly be.  I'm constantly coaching myself to take the high road.  I know that part of being a Christian is being able to forgive someone even if they're not sorry and not letting them affect your life.  It's REALLY hard with this one.  Not only has this person inflicted their venom on my children, but they're continued lack of gainful employment affects our lively hood.  I don't name names and I try hard to keep this category of my life out of this blog.  But DAMMIT...I'm tired of being the better person.  I'm tired of being the one that gets up and goes to work every day so my kids don't grow up on welfare and can have the things that they deserve.  It kills me knowing that this person blows money they didn't earn on extras that I do without.

Of course the right thing for me to do is pray for them.  I'm sorry my prayer list is full of prayers for children dying of cancer, children being kidnapped and forced into a life of sex trafficking and for my own kids to grow up to be NOTHING like the people that have hurt them most.  Now that I've gotten that off my chest....deep breath.

I think I must really need a weekend with my friends to lighten me up.  These non-funny posts are getting old.  You know the drill.  Facebook, Twitter and the banner below are begging to be clicked on....just do it!!!  Happy Monday!!!

Who Are You? And What Have You Done With My Sweet Baby?

I feel like I'm sliding down a very slippery slope and quickly losing grip of my sweet baby.  Slou has ALWAYS had a strong personality.  She's often abrasive and loud, but she's also got this sweet side and a funny one too.  But lately...lately she's not been that sweet or funny child.  I don't recognize her sometimes...or well I take that back.  I recognize the behavior/personality traits.  They are very familiar to me, but not coming from my sweet Slou.  I'm noticing more and more similarities between her and her dad.  

I don't mean to make this a trash dumb-dumb segment.  Let me explain.  When he and I would fight, he would shut me out and yell as loud as he could for as long as it would take until I just dropped it, because I'd always realize he wasn't hearing me anyway.  She is sooooo much like him...the good parts too.  I could be madder than hell at him and he could crack a joke just like that and I couldn't help but laugh and then he'd think everything was fine again....and because I just wanted peace & harmony, I'd sweep it under the rug until next time.  Eventually that wasn't enough and I gave up and left him.  I can't give up and leave my baby though.

Monday morning I asked to see her agenda so I could sign it from Friday.  You would think that I'd learn to check the damn thing on FRIDAY!!  But I don't...and then it affects my Monday.  She had 4 agenda marks from Friday!!!  FOUR!!!! I saw RED!!!!!  She hadn't turned any of her homework in on Friday and that's not the kicker.  The kicker is that I'd asked her every day if she had language studies homework or math or geo challenge.  She blatantly lied to me.  She told me that they weren't doing language studies last week because they were working on their writing assessments and that they were doing their geo challenges in class.  I believed her.  You see, up until recently....she's always been a straight A student.  She was my kid that got off the bus, fixed a snack and immediately sat down at the table and knocked out her homework.  Where did that angel go?

Now she lies like it comes naturally.  She watches entirely too much TV....and when she gets in trouble she accuses me of hating her and tells me that she'll make everyone's lives easier and just kill herself.  For a little while, I reacted to those statements.  Telling her "you know I love you and that it hurts me when you say those things.  You have to take responsibility for your actions that got you in this mess to begin with."  Then I realized she was manipulating me to make me feel sorry for her and lighten her punishment.  Now I just tell her I love her and send her to her room.  I'm at my wits end.

She's lost TV entirely this week, but she's lost it during the week indefinitely!  Unfortunately, I don't think any amount of punishment or reward matters to her.  I'm looking into counseling.  I just truly want to get to the bottom of this before she's moved on to middle school next year.   

UPDATE:
In the car yesterday, Slou tells me that her dad gave her some advice.  "Oh yeah?  What's that?"  She said "He told me that maybe if I have a better attitude about school when I get there in the mornings, maybe I'll have a better day."  Oh wise words...that I've been saying to her for 11 years!!  But maybe it just took her hearing it from him, rather than her nagging mom, for it to actually click.

We had a heart to heart last night...ya know since there's no TV anyway.  We talked about her grades and how I knew she was fully capable of straight A's.  That she just had to put forth some effort.  I asked her how she would feel if she failed the 5th grade.  She told me "Thanks mom.  That really helps my self-confidence."  "Well honey, if you don't start turning this around...that's EXACTLY what might happen."  

We talked about trust and honesty.  I explained to her that right now, I don't trust her.  That it's like the boy crying wolf.  She's going to have to earn back my trust...and that means that I'm going to check her homework every single night.  It means that I'm no longer going to be able to just take her word for it.  We talked about how she feels when people let her down.  We discussed unconditional love, that even though I'm very disappointed in her...I still love her VERY much.  I'm praying that she's finally seeing the big picture here.

There!!  I finally finished one of my posts that's been sitting in my drafts for a couple of days.  I'm ready for my life to go back to being filled with rainbows and butterflies....wait, oh yeah, that was when I was 10.

Anyways, you know the drill.  Click the banner below and follow me everywhere and if you ever feel the need to share my stories with someone else so they know they're not the only ones who's lives aren't perfect, feel free.

  

Week 10: J = Juggling

 It's week 10 already in Love Kate's A-Z All About Me Blog Challenge.  My life right now is quite the juggling act. I'm wearing so many different hats I've color coded them. Problem is I can't remember what day of the week it is let alone what color hat I'm supposed to be wearing. I work with my sister but she's been on vacation (off for the past 6 work days), so I've been carrying her load, plus we're in the middle of our busiest season with most everybody traveling, so on a daily basis I'm typically doing my job plus the jobs of at least 3 others. 

Combine that with the regular mom duties of homework, laundry, keeping house, driving these little snots everywhere they need to go and referee their cat fights!! Plus the honor of being the "president" of the volleyball booster club carries another list of responsibilities. I'm juggling more than my share. I know it sounds like I'm complaining, but honestly I wouldn't have it any other way. I just whine a little bit to make myself feel better at the end of the day when my floors still need to be swept and there's still 2 loads of laundry waiting to be folded and put away. 

This week we're also throwing a doctors appt., a hair appt., cheer/dance class and 2 afternoons of tutoring into the mix. The latter 2 are going to be weekly recurrences.  The way I see it, the busier we all are, the less time for anyone to find any trouble to get into.  Lord knows they'll find enough trouble without even looking for it.  Seriously!  You can't 'baby-proof' windows so 11 year olds can't open them....without nailing the suckers shut!!  I like sleeping with my windows open too much to do that anyway....so I'm thinking about duct taping her to her bed or nailing her door shut. <---I'm kidding, but you get my point...don't you?

It also helps me justify my self-proclaimed mandatory OFF night every other weekend. My sanity demands it. I've got to have a little time away with my friends. I love my children fiercely, but they know EXACTLY how to push my buttons. I need at least 15-18 hours away from them bi-weekly to decompress. Slou still frequents her dad's house...which might explain the climbing out windows and acting like a 3 year old behavior.  Beelay however, does not go to her dad's anymore.  That's for another post somewhere later down the road.  Bottom line, in order to be the mom that I strive to be...I have to distance myself every now and then.  I have to let my hair down and take all of my color coded hats off and just put on my party hat.

One of these days, I hope to fall in love again.  I've even put myself out there a little bit.  I've got a date on Friday night (nothing fancy...it's Lollipop's birthday dinner), but shhhh...don't tell anyone.  He probably reads my blog.  If he does, I just want him to know that it's about damn time and I'm very much looking forward to it.  What scares me though is this, what color is left for that hat.  As badly as I want to find my happiness outside of mother, daughter, sister, Tia (auntie), friend & employee...I'm worried that I might drop one of my hats.  Make sense? I'm sure that I'm probably worried about nothing.  I mean he's the one that's been patiently waiting for me to open my eyes for several years now.  Slow and steady wins the race, right?

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Anger Issues...

My baby will be 11 years old next Tuesday.  She's already "blossoming" into a young lady.  She's not "started" yet, but it could be right around the corner or it could still be a couple of years.  How can you tell if what your daughter is going through is regular ol' hormones, depression or something worse?

She is so sweet & funny 50% of the time, but that other half she is testing at best and manic at worst.  She is medicated for ADHD.  I do believe some of her uncontrollable emotions are a side-effect to coming off her meds in the evenings.  We tried changing her meds last spring and it was a disaster.  While she was much easier to handle emotionally, her focus and drive were railroaded.  Since being diagnosed and medicated, she has ALWAYS exceeded expectations on her standardized testing and maintained mostly A's with just a couple of B's here and there.  Last year's CRCT (taken while messing w/ her meds) scores were WAY less than desirable.  She barely met expectations in all subjects.  While I was disappointed, she was devastated.  She was so upset with herself.  All I could say was "Honey, keep in mind this was when we were trying a different medicine.  I'm not upset with you.  Don't beat yourself up.  You'll do so much better this year."  She's terrified that they will "kick her out" of the gifted program.  So needless to say, we don't want to start messing with her meds again, if we can help it.

But something has got to give.  She flies off the handle if she stubs her toe.  She screams that I hate her and that she wants to kill herself when she gets in trouble.  She is constantly antagonizing her sister.  She's never been good at taking responsibility for her actions, although I always try to hold her accountable.  When she flies into one of her rages, I've gotten into the habit of immediately sending her to her room to calm down and to keep myself from losing it too.  She'll usually come back down less than 5 min. later and apologize, but then often doesn't even remember what she's sorry for or what set her off.  I've tried talking to her about thinking before speaking and taking deep breaths.

I'm certain she would benefit from some therapy or counseling.  My insurance doesn't cover it, but my mom has offered to help pay for it.  I just don't even know where to start.  I don't want her to grow up having uncontrollable anger issues....it does happen to run on both sides of her family.  As does depression, even though some family members believe it's a bogus medical condition.  Considering my history, I don't want her to have to fight this battle for the rest of her life and I don't want to feel like I need to defend her and make excuses for her either. 

I don't want to put another label on her or over medicate her.  When I talk to the pediatrician about it, I feel like she thinks I'm lacking as a mom.  That I should be able handle her with redirection and consequences.  I feel lost.  I feel inadequate.  I just want her to be happy...and not feel drawn to "other" activities to find her happiness.  Any words of advice on where to begin would be great.

Thanks for reading.  Here's the link to my Facebook and please click the banner below to lift my spirits and my rankings at topmommyblogs.com.  Also, I've linked up with Southern Mama's Blog Hop...click the button above to read more blogs from other Southern Mamas.  Happy Hump Day y'all!!

Just Because....

I'm really a 14 year old girl, stuck in a 34 year old mom's body...doesn't mean I haven't grown up into a strong independent self-respecting adult.  It just means that I tend to have a hard time with the "if you can't say anything nice" rule, I have a potty mouth and a really twisted sense of humor.

Today is one of those days where I'm having a really hard time saying something nice about several situations.  So what do I do?  I blog...duh!!  Of course one of my better qualities is that I really don't like to hurt anyone's feelings...you can see how that tends to conflict with the saying of not-nice things.  So I'll go ahead and start with...if anything in this post hurts your feelings, I'm sorry.  Everything I'm about to say is out of love and other things (like frustration, disappointment & experience).

Nobody is perfect.  I understand that!!  Really, I do.  But there is a difference between an oops and a FUCK UP!!  The number of reasonable times you can forgive the same oops is way higher than the same FUCK UP!!!  "Oops, I forgot to put the toilet seat down."...gets old quick, if you prefer to keep your ass dry when you're up for a midnight pee.   "CRAP,  I forgot to pay the phone bill this month."....can be overlooked so many times.  "DAMN, Officer I swear I thought the speed limit was 90." adds up pretty quick.  "SHIT, I forgot to turn the stove off and the house burned down."  could definitely take a while to get over.  But "FUCK, that wasn't you I went home with last night?" or "FUCK, I gave you the herp?" or "FUCK, you weren't supposed to see that." aren't forgive and forget offenses.  

I used to give people the benefit of "everyone has to get to their breaking point in their own time".  But as we all get older and grow up, we all know the difference between right and wrong.  We know the difference between good and bad.  Every single person is responsible for their own situations.  Sure there are always going to be unforeseen speed bumps along the way.  You can't control anyone but yourself...and how you react to others bad choices that affect you.  For example; if you loan someone money and they never pay you back.  Are you going to continue to loan them money?  HELL NO!!  You decide whether you're going to be a door mat or not...not the person wiping their feet.

Everyone is so quick to say "don't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes."...but those shoes are worn by feet that are controlled by a person that chooses which roads they travel down.  I've done a lot of walking in my 34 years and sure I've gotten lost a time or two, but I remember which turns took me into the "hood and which ones took me out.  Being strong is a choice!!  You either want to man-up and create your own happiness or you don't.  It's that simple.

I'm no longer the patient person I was in my 20's.  Most of my "give a damn" busted a long time ago.  I'll be your biggest cheerleader if you're doing everything in your power to learn from your mistakes and change direction, but I don't do drama.  If you're not serious about putting yourself first, I'm not gonna sit around to be made to feel like a fool for encouraging you and holding you up and defending you, while you continue to ride your roller coaster.
 
It doesn't mean I love any of you any less.  It just means that my self-respect is gonna come before your self-induced train wreck.  I've been burned way too many times trying to be the friend that saves everyone.  I can't save anyone but myself.  I live my life surrounded by people that don't need saving or building up very often.  We all hold each other up...and for that I am so grateful.  When making a hard decision, stand back for a minute and think about what you would tell yourself if you were on the outside looking in.  Or better yet, think about what you would say behind your back if you were watching from the outside.  

Now that I've gotten all of that off my chest, I feel a little lighter and may even have some nice things to say after all.  This therapy we call blogging really does help.  If you've enjoyed this post, please click the banner below to cast your vote for me on topmommyblogs.com and follow me either here through GFC or on Facebook. Feel free to spread my words of wisdom to any or all of your friends....I'm trying to get famous here ya know!!!  Thank you and have an AWESOME weekend!!!

Week 4: D = Drowning

WOW!!  It's already week 4 in Love Kate's A-Z All About Me Weekly Challenge.  In my head, I've been aspiring to be creative in my weekly posts...rather than just picking the word that best describes who I am.  But then it dawned on me that the point of this challenge was not only to help everyone else to get to know me...but for me to get to know myself better too.

Of course you have the obvious D words that describe me to a "T".  Delightful, dazzling, devilish, demented, drunk or even dorky.  But those aren't really going to help anybody get a better understanding of who I am. 

D = Drowning

Right now I feel like I'm barely treading water.  I've been fairly busy at work.  I've got a gazillion things that need to be done at home.  My DVR is close to imploding.  I'm completely enthralled in the Hunger Games trilogy...and can't seem to put the books down.  Plus, I've got the upcoming volleyball season and school year looming over my head.  I just don't feel like tackling any of it...other than finishing Mockingjay.

Throw in the massive amounts of attitude & sass, mixed with a helping of grumpy old man and a couple of aging pets that refuse to let us all have a full night of uninterrupted sleep and you've got a house full of chaos.  The added emotions from losing someone special isn't helping my cause either...only time will heal those wounds.  As for the hormonal roller coasters ripping and tearing through our house, one can only pray we all live to see where those come to an end...in roughly 8 years or so.


Somewhere I need to find the time & money to take the girls shopping for school supplies...and cross my fingers that it's a pleasant outing that doesn't lead to me wanting to drink myself into a oblivion.  Plus the money tree hasn't harvested quite enough to cover volleyball fees and whatever extracurricular that Slou hasn't made her mind up about yet.


So while I've been taking a break to write this post...I've been holding on to the side of the pool to catch my breath.  Now it's time to dive back in head first into the ever growing pile of life and maybe I'll see some light at the end of the tunnel by Halloween.


Reading back through this, I sound like a blubbering crybaby!!!  I've now pulled up my big girl panties....so follow me here and on Facebook and please take a minute to click the banner below.  You can vote daily by clicking on my profile too.  

Week 1: A-Z All About Me Challenge

My fellow blogging friend Kate over at Love Kate, has invited me to join her in her A-Z All About Me Weekly Blog Challenge.  If any of you are interested in taking part, please feel free to click the button and get to writing.  

Here we are, at week 1...and our letter of the week is surprisingly the letter "A".  I could fill a page with words that describe me that begin with the letter "A", like Awesome, Amazing, Anxious, Argumentative, and on and on and on.  After reading Kate's first entry, A=Autism, I almost feel insensitive or undeserving of the honor to take part in this challenge.  I could write about ADHD and the challenges that it brings to my life and the lives of my girls, but then I feel like my challenges are NOTHING in comparison to Kate's.

All of that being said, I'm going to go with Able.  I am an able bodied person.  I'm going to make this post be about all of the things that I'm grateful to be able to do, things I wish I was able to do and some things I often wish I wasn't able to do.  

I'm grateful that I'm....
able to kiss my children every day
able to get up and come to work
able to make my own decisions
able to depend on my friends & family
able to admit when I'm wrong
able to ask for help when I need it (okay, so I'm still working on this one) 
able to find an escape in my writing
able to let most things roll off my shoulders 
able to say NO...or yes if that's what I want
able to find humor in almost everything


I wish I was....
able to find the motivation to fall in love with my pilates videos...again.
able to go back to school
able to protect my girls from EVERYTHING
able to grow a money tree
able to give my girls more....this could be it's own post alone (for another day)
able to speak my mind as well as I write it
able to tell certain people to KISS IT!!! 
able to keep a straight face when necessary
able to afford a maid

Often I wish I wasn't....
able to be so sympathetic & understanding
able to be taken advantage of 
able to drive (when I grow up, I want a chauffeur) 
able to do laundry
able to be a single parent....it would be nice to have someone on my team with me.
able to sleep until noon...it makes it really hard to go to bed on time the next night
able to operate the steam cleaner
able to load the dishwasher 

I hope all of you are grateful to be able to have read this.  Check back next week for "B". Please follow me here and on Facebook here and click on the banner below to cast your vote for me...as of this morning I'm at #13 in my category!!! 

Child Support Is NOT Voluntary!!!

Let me begin with this....

I'm proud to say that the men in my life that I call friends, that are dads and pay child support are all the prime example of what a dad should do.  They pay what they're ordered to, when they're ordered to.  They spend as much time as humanly possible with their kids.  They put their children at the top of their priority list.  And for all of those things...I wish they were my kids dad.

Before this goes down hill quickly and turns into an ex-dumb dumb bashing frenzy, let me give you a quick history of my situation.  I've been divorced for 8 1/2 years.  Since then, my girls and I have lived with my dad.  However, I do not live there for free.  I pay my own way as well as for everything for my children. 

What their dad is court ordered to pay for 2 children is considerably less than what all of my male friends are ordered to pay for 1 child.  It's miniscule compared to what it actually costs to provide for them.  Over the course of the past 8 1/2 years, I've tried child support recovery, I've taken him back to court, I've tried to work with him...but I've NEVER been able to rely on receiving any amount of support with any kind of regularity or stability. At this present moment, he owes me over $45,000.  This does include $15,000 from the equity in our house...which he finds debatable.


Last week I did some calculations.  Just for this year so far (Jan-Jun), he's averaging $150 a month...which is what he's supposed to be paying a week. I'm averaging more than that just for school lunches and medical costs (not including the actual premium).  When I brought this to his attention, his response was "Well, I had to put a starter in my truck."  Really?!?! Should I bring up the fact that I've forked out more than $1500 in the past couple of months for car repairs and maintenance?  That's LIFE!!!


Anyway, my point is this: You don't get to pick and choose when and how much you pay.  The judge decided that a long time ago.  If you're currently not making enough to pay for your responsibilities, get a second job or a third!!!  I'm busy raising our children on my own.  If I didn't have them 98% of the time, I'd be out looking for a part time job...but then if I wasn't paying for 98% of their expenses, I'd be doing okay financially.


There are so many dad's out there that don't understand that by paying child support, they are NOT putting EXTRA money in their ex's pockets.  They are helping to provide a life for their kids.  Considering how much I'm covering, it's none of his damn business what I spend my money on...or if I'm going on vacation or whatever.  Just because I'm able to take my kids to the beach (only because of my mom) doesn't excuse him from paying that week.


I've heard of horror stories from both sides of this.  Because I've been sympathetic and lenient, I get screwed over.  If I was the cold hearted bitch that I've been accused of being...he'd be sitting in a jail cell.  I'm just tired of being made to feel like a bill collector and like I should be so incredibly thankful for the little bit that I do get.  You're not doing me a favor by giving me money!!!  


Okay, I think I'm done venting.  I hope I've made my point...and not made myself look like a gold digger.  I'll be back to my good ol' funny self in no time.  Please take a minute to click the banner below to cast your vote for me...even if it's just a pity vote, I'm cool with that.  Also, you can follow me on Facebook by clicking here.