Clowns Gone Wild - A Girl's Trip...Part 1

Let me start with this....we are INSANE!!!  We're aware of it...we've embraced it and we rock it!!

We decided to hit the road at 4:30am to road trip it to PCB.  Sure, it's only a 5-6 hour drive and we can't check-in until 4pm...but we were like kids on Christmas Eve.  We didn't care if we had to change into our bathing suits in a gas station bathroom and park at a public beach access....we were gonna have an extra day on the beach.  DAMMIT!!!

So about an hour into our voyage, the adventure begins.  Sunflower had to pee (or wait, maybe I had to poop)!!  We get off the interstate (coincidentally the exit to my Gramma's nursing home) and pull in to the Racetrac parking lot.  The first thing I notice is the half dressed meth head leaned up against a parked car smoking a cigarette.   Turns out there was a whole car load of meth heads.  I'm certain we interrupted a drop off.  By the time we had all peed and grabbed a CAFFEINATED beverage, the half dressed one was clothed and looked like he was headed to a job interview.  As we're about to back out of the parking spot, we notice the Racetrac employee that's standing by the dumpster, puffing away on her cancer stick...and then naturally coughs up a lung and all of the contents of her stomach.  We all concur that we're now leaving the meth capital of Coweta County (Mom, make sure you lock your doors at night) and proud of ourselves for quitting...pretty much together.


Another hour or so and we're all FAMISHED!!  No road trip is complete without a meal at Cracker Barrel.  It was uneventful, except for the fact that we (minus Lollipop) decided to announce Lollipop's engagement to Jinx for them...on FB.  See, she swears that she HATES FB and that she doesn't give a shit about broadcasting her relationship status for the whole world to see...but we know better. We called her bluff and spread the news...she can thank us later, when her stubborn ass realizes that it's okay to brag about an engagement and that it's only insanely psychotic to constantly change it back and forth between "in a relationship", "single" and "it's complicated".


At some point during the trip, Chiquita has an epiphany..."I swear I shaved my legs this morning.  Oh wait, I did...I just forgot this one.  Guess shaving at 2:45am isn't the best idea after all."  Nothing like trying to get comfortable for a long drive and your leg hairs tickling the other leg.


Enough about the drive down there.  Let's get to the fun stuff.  We pull into town about 10:30am...made a stop at Target to stock up on groceries,  hit the liquor store (and got accosted by a cloud from the 90 year old lady's Swisher Sweet cigar...making visibility less than 12" and probability of breathing nil) to grab more beer (bc you know we already had a case iced down) vodka...and wait, porn?  Yes, that's right...this place had shelves and shelves of magazines and videos (not dvd's) of what appeared to be 1980's AIDS inducing porn.  As disappointing as it might be, we did not buy any...but we giggled (and coughed and gasped for air) all the way to the property mgt. office, who were nice enough to let us check in EARLY!!!!


We are finally at the beach...BITCHES!!  First on the agenda, is peach moonshine shots.  YUMMY...and evil!!  After several beers and peach and hours in the sun, turns out Chiquita turns into a feisty bitch.  Who of you are surprised by this?  She ran her mouth all the way to dinner, all during dinner and the whole way back to our condo.  I'm telling you she was out of control...and all of her venom was directly entirely at me.  I was ready to punch her in the face or let her walk her know-it-all ass back to the condo...in the end we just snuggled and had a completely random conversation about timeshares and then....poured another drink and gathered around the kitchen table telling stories about family secrets and stories.  I used to think my family was dysfunctional, until I met Lollipop and Chiquita.  I grew up thinking that shit only happened in movies...I was wrong.  Uncles marrying each others girlfriends, cousins blowing up meth bombs...family trees on the dept. of corrections website.  I could NOT make this shit up!!


Wake up and do it all over again....breakfast, beach, beer, moonshine, more beer, lunch, more beach, beer and moonshine.  We all wanted to go out one night while we were down there...and luckily we do share brain cells to make brilliant decisions sometimes.  We went out Friday night...so if we felt like ca-ca the next day, it wouldn't be the day we had to drive home.  GOOD THINKING!!!!  I should probably do a whole other post about our Friday night shenanigans....and the chaos that ensued.


STAY TUNED!!!

PS: I wasn't the first one to hurt themselves either....just sayin' 

Check out part 2....here!!


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Wine Down Wednesday - Blog Hop

Today I'm joining a new blog hop titled "Wine Down Wednesday".  You can click the button <----over there to link up too...and to visit some other bloggers.  If you're visiting me from the  hop, please leave me a comment so I know!  I'd love to come stalk visit your page too.

Let me take just a couple minutes to introduce myself.  I'm a single mom, raising 2 girls...full of spunk and sass.  I blog to share my experiences whether it be good or bad.  My humor and views may be offensive to some, informative to others and entertaining to most.  I hope you'll stick around and give me a chance to brighten your day.

Now that I've gotten all of the formalities out of the way...HAPPY HUMP DAY Y'ALL!!!  Today is actually my Friday.  This time tomorrow, I'll be half way to the beach with Lollipop, Chiquita & Sunflower.  We're stocked up with peach moonshine, sunscreen & our books.  Do you really need anything else?  After 4 days together, on a beach, with booze...I'm sure there will be plenty of material for me to write about in my next installment of "Clownin' Around PCB Style".

Maybe it's because I'm anxious to get the hell out of Dodge or maybe it's because my patience are just shot or...perhaps I'm surrounded by an abundance of living, breathing things that are begging to be beat, stabbed or choked!!  Everyone (including the animals) in my house last night was driving me INSANE!!!  Slou & Pops were both bickering and tattling on each other and not a single positive thing came out of either of their mouths.  Every time I turned around Cheyenne (my 15 year old puppy) was under my feet or leaving me a puddle to clean up.  I attempted to not let it all get to me...and even tried to cuddle and watch some t.v. with Slou, but just the fact that she couldn't lay still and every time she moved she literally bounced me on my bed...I finally (internally) lost it!!!  I put her to bed at 9pm and cracked open a beer and finally RELAXED while I waited for my laundry to finish.

 THURSDAY.MORNING.CAN.NOT.GET.HERE.FAST.ENOUGH!!!!


This morning, I breezed through nothing but green lights...and even saw a hot air balloon coming up the highway.  These 2 things often happen at the same time....a few times a year.  I always say it's a sign of a GREAT day ahead.  As I'm jamming out and getting more and more excited about the weekend and pondering just how AHHH-MAZING my day is gonna be, I pull into my office park and laying all mangled and bloody...is a bunny rabbit!!!  How does this factor into the equation of my FABULOUS day?  WTF!?!?!


I'm not a tree huggin', anti-huntin' PETA member...but dammit, I am an animal lover and this totally put a big black cloud over my morning.!!!


But that was 5 hours ago!!!  Now I'm on the downward slope of my day!!!  I've got 3 1/2 hours til I'm out of here!!!  Fingers crossed nobody ruins my mood after that.  

Thank you for reading my ramblings today.  If you enjoyed it, please click on the banner below to vote for me.  I'm currently at #22 in my category (humor) and #120 overall.  Every click, every day counts as a vote.  Hope everyone has an awesome weekend...stay tuned for stories of our shenanigans.

Summertime Clownin' Around

Well summertime is upon us.  My summertime theme song is Summer Girl by Jessica Andrews.  This song just makes me happy!!  It makes me feel young and carefree....

 

My Memorial Day weekend was spent loving up on my new nephew, visiting with family & clownin' around with my friends.  I had a desperately needed lake day...thanks to Banjo for letting me and Chiquita tag along.  It was EXACTLY what the doctor ordered!!!  Although I know you'd all expect there to be more entertainment value, considering Tree Frog & Gumdrop were present...but it was just a nice relaxing afternoon being kissed by the sun and enjoying some catching up time with Easy and his girlfriend Sugar...and Lola & Big Daddy.  It was the perfect day spent anchored out with ice cold beer in hand.

All week long, the plan was to go to the "Summer In The Country Music Festival" Saturday night and hit WaHo on the way home.  Just want to throw that out there.  I gotta give props to whoever put this festival together....it was an all day event, held at someone's farm in Cleveland, GA. It was FREE!!!  They were selling what smelled like delicious bbq...but since the plan was WaHo, I didn't actually eat any.  They had a great line-up of home-grown local talent...and our friend's band was the last act performing. <Promo Review Ends Here>

We pull into what looks like a pasture, with a beautiful old farmhouse on the right and the coolest looking barn I've ever seen behind it.  We park and set out to find our "Bazaar" family.  As we're walking up the gravel driveway, I spot this kid sportin' a doo rag and he is dancing his skinny little ass off!!!  As we get closer, just as I'm pointing him out to Lollipop...it registers that it's Lil' Bit (Skeeter's son...and one of my very favorite little boys in the whole wide world).  "Bazaar" family...FOUND!!!  

 

So while enjoying the music and the lightning bugs and friends...Skeeter pulls out the ICE cold (like sitting in the freezer for a year) peach moonshine!!!   In my old age, I've become some what of a sissy when it comes to alcohol.  Maybe it's the killer hangovers or maybe it's all of the blurred memories of my clumsy ass making a complete fool of myself...that being said, I only had one small swig.  It was DIVINE!!!  I wanted more...but my fear of throwing up or falling down kept me rooted to my ice cold Bud Light Lime.  Chiquita on the other hand...

Chiquita turned into Little Miss Crabby Pants when the sun went down.  I was too busy playing around with Lil' Bit and enjoying the music to notice that she kept sneaking over to "say hi" to Skeeter and Clarabelle...as an excuse to have a few (too many) sips of the hooch.  Before I know it, she's whining that she's ready to go home.  Our friend's band, Under The Wheel (the whole reason we were even there) was still performing. Next thing I know, she's sitting shotgun in MY car, that Jinx is driving us home in....and throwing a little tantrum about sitting in the backseat.  So I GRUDGINGLY sit in the backseat of my OWN car with Lollipop...

"So we're still going to WaHo, right?"  "NO!!  I'm ready to go home...NOW!!!"  "WHAT?!?!  I'm effing starving!!!"  "Whatevs bitch, there's food at the house."  "ACE HOLE!!" And so the bickering goes on and on and on...the whole way back to civilization.  It finally comes to light that Little Miss Crabby Pants actually ate at the festival!!!  No wonder she wasn't hungry!!!  So I beg Jinx to at least run the drive-thru at Krystal's...but NOOOOOOOO!!!!  Guess he was too scared of LMCP throwing another tantrum...so he literally drove right past Krystal's and McDonald's, straight home!!  I think I honestly could've cried, I was so hungry and PISSED!!!

Thank GOD for Sunflower!!  She's my nice friend!!!  She was riding with Zippy & Otis, so she didn't fall victim to LMCP's bitchiness....she's lucky!!  I should've rode with them too....they probably wouldn't have left me to starve to death!!  Anyway, Sunflower took me to get some food...adding an extra 30+ minutes onto her trip home (that could've been totally avoided if Jinx hadn't been such a poon).  Thank you!!!

Surprisingly, Chiquita felt FINE the next morning.  I was secretly wishing her a hangover of the ages...but nope, she felt GREAT!!!  However, her memory was a little fuzzy....but apparently mine was too.  I didn't realize we didn't even say goodbye to Skeeter and Clarabelle.  HOW RUDE!!  Chiquita also felt ZERO remorse for her bitchy behavior.  "If Lollipop is allowed 1 night a year to be a bitch, so am I. And it was a success!! In other news, moonshine is not for me...Apparently from what I hear!!" <---her words!!  Granted, she was no where near the same level that Lollipop has been known to reach...those nights usually end with someone bleeding, her being carried out of a bar and puking.  But a simple "I'm sorry" would've been nice...BITCH!!!

Then Lollipop suggests we get some of that yummy peachy poison to take on our girl's trip to the beach in a couple of weeks.  Are you CRAZY!!  Chiquita and I have the tolerance of college age boys...and if it kicked her ass that bad, the outcome of all 4 of us drinking it TOGETHER would probably be JAIL!!!  

So that sums up my Memorial Day weekend.  I hope everyone recognized our armed forces and said a little prayer for the safety of those still fighting to protect our freedoms.  Thank you Sparky...we love you.  

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