Update on SLou

If you're new here, you can read a few other posts regarding my battles with SLou here, here and here.  As most of you know, I'm a single mom.  Both of my girls have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD.  They were tested through the school system, since my insurance doesn't cover the testing.  Well my pediatrician has never been fully on board with SLou's diagnosis.  She's been encouraging me to get her retested since day 1.  She's not always satisfied that the school system does a thorough enough evaluation.

Originally we were the poster family for Vyvanse. Both girls, my sister and myself are all on this medication.  It's still working wonderfully for everyone but SLou.  Her main side effect has been emotional melt downs when she's coming down off the meds in the evenings.  Finally last Winter, I'd had enough.  Her doctor and I decided to try a new medicine.  We tried Intuniv and Concerta.  Both were a disaster.  Both were non-stimulant and it turns out SLou absolutely needs a stimulant based med.  I gave each medication the good college try for a month each.  By Spring the damage was already done, but after SLou begging to go back on Vyvanse, I finally agreed.   

Unfortunately while we were messing with her meds last Spring, SLou bombed the CRCT's.  She has ALWAYS exceeded expectations on her standardized testing.  As I've told you before, this truly kicked her in the teeth.  Her self-confidence still hasn't recovered from that blow.  Anyway, the emotional side effects are starting to take their toll again.  I'm certain we need a new medicine or a whole new treatment plan, but I'm terrified of the potential downfall of messing with her meds during the school year.

We had her annual check-up yesterday.  Before changing her meds, her doctor wants us to try a couple of things at home first for a couple of weeks.  Starting with me being forbade from helping her with homework.  She has gotten into a habit of just waiting for me to get home to help her, rather than getting what she can done without me and me just helping her with what she had problems with.  I'm no longer allowed to be her crutch.  Second, she wants us to move bedtime up an hour....she wants SLou in bed by 8pm, even on weekends.  We'll see about the weekends part.  She'll be going to her dad's this weekend and he NEVER complies to any of my requests.

We've also got the ball in motion for the retesting.  We have our first appointment at The Amen Clinic next Thursday (10/18).  They will use a much more in depth method of testing that includes brain scans and hours of evaluation.  On our 4th visit, we will sit down with their pediatric psychologist and he will present his diagnosis and his suggested treatment plan.  I'm very optimistic that we are headed in the right direction, towards helping SLou succeed in every aspect of her life.  So, on Friday October 26th....we'll hopefully know EXACTLY what's going on with my sweet SLou.  I'll keep you all posted along the way.

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Am I Strong Enough To Be Their Mom?

 Last night I ran away.  I'm sure I wasn't setting a very good example to my kids, but it was the only choice I had.  It was run away or pull some kung fu moves out of my back pocket and straight onto Slou's face.

Allow me to rewind...to Monday morning.  I had a parent/teacher conference at 6:50am!!  That was HARD, but I did it because I'm dedicated to being the best mom I can be.  After talking with her teachers, I felt better...maybe a little more optimistic.  We now have a plan of attack.  We're working as a team to try to motivate and help her overcome this most recent obstacle....laziness!!  She had also lost her agenda...so I bought her a replacement.

I was certain that Monday afternoon/evening was going to be a positive homework encounter.  I was sadly mistaken.  She forgot her brand new agenda at school...along with every book that she needed in order to do her homework.  But did she figure this out when she got home from school, when she was SUPPOSED to start her homework? Hell no!!  It was after dinner!!  Needless to say, she was in bed early that night.

I was again hopeful that Tuesday would bring calmer weather.  She had called me when she got home and promised that she would get right on it and only leave what she needed my help with for when I got home.  Reasonable, right?  Yeah, she'd done 2 math problems when I got home.  She was on the defensive...taking every little thing I said as a personal attack.  She basically wanted me to do her effin homework for her.  Not happening!!  I sent her upstairs to read her science unit....of course she fell asleep.  I was okay with that...I had hoped that it would adjust her attitude and we could start on a clean slate after dinner.  NOPE!!!

I'll save you the gory details...because you might feel obligated to report me to DEFACS don't have all day.  It's impossible to help a child that doesn't want to be helped.  My patience are only so thick...which isn't very thick anyway.  Before I completely blew my lid, I calmly told her "I'm leaving.  Before I completely lose my mind, I'm leaving.  And when I get back, your homework better be done and the mess in the kitchen floor better be GONE!!"  She told me she was calling the police and then I ran away...to Kroger and to my sister's and to a big glass of wine.  I diverted all phone calls to my sister....because you know that bitch was blowing up.  I bathed and cuddled Squirt until my blood pressure was near normal...and then I went home.

Thanks to a couple of phone calls that talked me down from the ledge that might've ended with sending her to her dad's.  The pep talks reminded me that I am strong enough to be her mom.  Thank GOD when I got home, her homework was done, her mess was cleaned up, she was showered and in her bed waiting for me to kiss her goodnight.  Maybe running away was EXACTLY what I needed to do, to open her eyes to the effect that her behavior is having on me.

I'm convinced that she needs further testing...but every doctor that I talk to doesn't take my insurance.  I'm working on the counseling end too...but nothing can happen fast enough.  I've changed my category listing over at topmommyblogs from "humor" to "single moms"...and now I'm ranked #3 in my category.  That's right bitches!!!  I mean I know I'm funny...but my life isn't so funny right now...so I'm throwing the white flag and surrendering in ruling the world as a funny mom and setting my sights on the single mom thrown.  Continue clicking the banner, please.  And follow me on GFC, Facebook and Twitter.

 

Who Are You? And What Have You Done With My Sweet Baby?

I feel like I'm sliding down a very slippery slope and quickly losing grip of my sweet baby.  Slou has ALWAYS had a strong personality.  She's often abrasive and loud, but she's also got this sweet side and a funny one too.  But lately...lately she's not been that sweet or funny child.  I don't recognize her sometimes...or well I take that back.  I recognize the behavior/personality traits.  They are very familiar to me, but not coming from my sweet Slou.  I'm noticing more and more similarities between her and her dad.  

I don't mean to make this a trash dumb-dumb segment.  Let me explain.  When he and I would fight, he would shut me out and yell as loud as he could for as long as it would take until I just dropped it, because I'd always realize he wasn't hearing me anyway.  She is sooooo much like him...the good parts too.  I could be madder than hell at him and he could crack a joke just like that and I couldn't help but laugh and then he'd think everything was fine again....and because I just wanted peace & harmony, I'd sweep it under the rug until next time.  Eventually that wasn't enough and I gave up and left him.  I can't give up and leave my baby though.

Monday morning I asked to see her agenda so I could sign it from Friday.  You would think that I'd learn to check the damn thing on FRIDAY!!  But I don't...and then it affects my Monday.  She had 4 agenda marks from Friday!!!  FOUR!!!! I saw RED!!!!!  She hadn't turned any of her homework in on Friday and that's not the kicker.  The kicker is that I'd asked her every day if she had language studies homework or math or geo challenge.  She blatantly lied to me.  She told me that they weren't doing language studies last week because they were working on their writing assessments and that they were doing their geo challenges in class.  I believed her.  You see, up until recently....she's always been a straight A student.  She was my kid that got off the bus, fixed a snack and immediately sat down at the table and knocked out her homework.  Where did that angel go?

Now she lies like it comes naturally.  She watches entirely too much TV....and when she gets in trouble she accuses me of hating her and tells me that she'll make everyone's lives easier and just kill herself.  For a little while, I reacted to those statements.  Telling her "you know I love you and that it hurts me when you say those things.  You have to take responsibility for your actions that got you in this mess to begin with."  Then I realized she was manipulating me to make me feel sorry for her and lighten her punishment.  Now I just tell her I love her and send her to her room.  I'm at my wits end.

She's lost TV entirely this week, but she's lost it during the week indefinitely!  Unfortunately, I don't think any amount of punishment or reward matters to her.  I'm looking into counseling.  I just truly want to get to the bottom of this before she's moved on to middle school next year.   

UPDATE:
In the car yesterday, Slou tells me that her dad gave her some advice.  "Oh yeah?  What's that?"  She said "He told me that maybe if I have a better attitude about school when I get there in the mornings, maybe I'll have a better day."  Oh wise words...that I've been saying to her for 11 years!!  But maybe it just took her hearing it from him, rather than her nagging mom, for it to actually click.

We had a heart to heart last night...ya know since there's no TV anyway.  We talked about her grades and how I knew she was fully capable of straight A's.  That she just had to put forth some effort.  I asked her how she would feel if she failed the 5th grade.  She told me "Thanks mom.  That really helps my self-confidence."  "Well honey, if you don't start turning this around...that's EXACTLY what might happen."  

We talked about trust and honesty.  I explained to her that right now, I don't trust her.  That it's like the boy crying wolf.  She's going to have to earn back my trust...and that means that I'm going to check her homework every single night.  It means that I'm no longer going to be able to just take her word for it.  We talked about how she feels when people let her down.  We discussed unconditional love, that even though I'm very disappointed in her...I still love her VERY much.  I'm praying that she's finally seeing the big picture here.

There!!  I finally finished one of my posts that's been sitting in my drafts for a couple of days.  I'm ready for my life to go back to being filled with rainbows and butterflies....wait, oh yeah, that was when I was 10.

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Fight On...Bitches!!!

Like probably every other mother out there, I had hoped that my teenage daughter would be the exception to the rule.  That she would never roll her eyes at me, question my authority, ignore me, test my patience beyond any safe level.  Of course I knew better...a LONG time ago!!  That kind of wishful thinking will always turn around and bitch slap you if you're not paying attention.

Currently we are having a battle of the wills.  God did not give me the gift of strong will.  I'm known to be the easygoing compassionate person in the room.  But God gave me girls.  Two very tenacious, haughty & STUBBORN girls.  One of which is under the impression that if she pushes hard enough and yells loud enough, she's going to break me and take over as the dominate female in the house.  She is sadly mistaken.

Last night was one of those nights where I refused to let her get the best of me.  She fights me on taking a shower EVERY.SINGLE.TIME!!  Well she played in 4 volleyball matches last night.  When I helped her take off her shoes and knee pads, I almost passed out.  Not bathing was OUT of the question, yet she wanted to bargain and finagle with me....swearing that if I just let her go to sleep, she'd get up this morning and take a shower.  Yeah right!!  

We got home from volleyball at 8:30pm, ate dinner, sang happy birthday to Slou (because her cake was a day late) and then the fight was on.  From 9:15-10:30 she was laying face down on her bed, whining about how tired she was or yelling about how mean I am and "why can't you just give in to me ONE time?!?!"  All the while her sister is already in bed TRYING to sleep.  It would've been easy for me to just give in and let her take a shower this morning or NOT, but by this point it was no longer about whether she needed to bathe or not...it was about who was in charge!!!

This could actually be a scene from our night....

All the while I was taking deep breaths and successfully not losing my temper, I was calm and collected.  I respectfully asked her 2,349,000 times to quickly get in the shower and explained that in the amount of time that she's fought be on this, she could already be bathed, in the bed and ASLEEP!!!  Unfortunately her brain is not programmed to take calm and respectful seriously.  She thought I was a joke.  She laughed at me, she cried at me, she stood naked in her room, stomping her size 9 foot at me and shook her naked ass in my face....basically telling me that it didn't matter what I said, she was indeed NOT taking a damn shower.  Again, she was sadly mistaken.

This is where I straddled the line between standing firm and child abuse.  I NEVER wanted to be that mom that screamed at her kids, I NEVER wanted to be that mom that spanked or slapped their children (GASP!).  I honestly still never actually lost my temper, she just thought I did.  Popping her butt no longer has any effect, screaming doesn't either, but thumping her on the forehead....that's a whole other can of beans.  She wailed the whole time she was in the shower...but guess what bitches.  I WON!!  She was clean!!  And surprisingly wanting to cuddle before she went to bed...of course blaming it on me by saying "Well I'm not tired now that you made me take a shower."  

How did her morning go, you ask.  SHITTY!!  Exactly the same way it does every morning.  Wake her up at 7am as I'm walking out to take Slou to school.  Wake her up AGAIN when I get home at 7:20.  And AGAIN when I get out of the shower at 7:30...answered every time with "I'm up, I'm up, I'm up" or "I know MOM.  Leave me alone!!"  She finally sits up and stares at herself in the mirror for 5 minutes.  Then stumbling to the bathroom, then complaining about having NOTHING to wear...while I'm giving her a running count down.  "I'm leaving in 15 minutes, 10 minutes, 5 minutes...I'm pulling out of the driveway in 2 minutes with or without you."  "MOM, I'm coming!!!!"  Someone please tell me where a shower would've fit into that equation this morning.  GAH!!!

The bipolar roller coaster that a household living with teenage daughters rides, is running at full speed at our house.  I hope I can keep up and not throw up in the middle of an upside down loopty loop.  I've always been a firm believer of "picking your battles", but right now every one of them is important.  If I don't stand my ground....they're gonna walk all over me and my authority will be zilch by the time they get to high school....where the real fun begins.

Thank you to my mom for not choking me out at the ripe old age of 13.  I'm still convinced I was EASY compared to my 2 girls.  We'll see if she chimes in and backs up my memories.  Of one thing I'm certain, my sister is the one that should be thanking her and praying she never has a daughter to pay her back in spades.


Here's my expected spiel to pimp myself out.  Please follow me here through GFC or on Facebook or Twitter.  Help a mama out by clicking on the topmommyblogs.com banner below too.  Thanks for reading and enjoy the rest of your week. 

Peek into my morning...

Here's an update on the contract/happy ticket comedy show...

My 13 year old, that thought this was the lamest idea EVER...is a true believer!!  She's like a different child...her words!!  She still has her normal hormonal little cases of turrets, but she's been SOOOO much more pleasant to be around.

Warning: I believe in spanking my children


Now on to the other one...my 10 year old is not a fan!!  Maybe it's the ADHD (which we all suffer from, so not likely) that makes her feel like she's gotta constantly be riding the emotional roller coaster.  Example: She had a GREAT afternoon yesterday and even into the evening.  We were running a little behind schedule because of her Wed. night dance class.  She ever so sweetly asked me if she could wait til this morning to take a shower with me.  She promised that she would wake up in a wonderful mood and she would have a great morning....and if she didn't, she'd give me ALL of her tickets.  Well, she kept half of her end of the bargain.  It was all rainbows and butterflies til it was time to actually get dressed.  MELT DOWN!!!  

Me: Ok, let's hurry up and get dressed and get downstairs...so you can get some happy tickets.


Slou: But mama, it's sooooooo cold!!! 


Me: Well, the faster you get dressed the faster you'll warm up.


5 min. later...and I'm already dressed


Me: Why don't you even have your bra & panties on?


Slou: Because I'm FREEEEEEEZING!!!  Why are you yelling at me?  You hate me!!  I don't even want any happy tickets.


Me: I'm not yelling at you, but my patience are about gone.  How about oops tickets? You want some of those?  


Slou: NO!!  There is NOTHING about oops tickets in our contract anyway!!


Me: (Said as calmly as possible-but not very calmly at all) I am the mom and the BOSS and I am allowed to revise the contract any way that I see fit.  Now get dressed.  (At which point I end up dressing her like a 3 year old).  Please go in your room and put your socks & shoes on.


Another 5 min. pass...and I've almost finished drying my hair, when I look in her room and she's sitting there doing absolutely NOTHING!!  But jumps up when she sees that I've noticed...and acts like she's been doing what she was supposed to all along. Now, I walk in and pop her ONCE...not sure if I made contact with her leg, her butt or her back...since she was flailing like a fish out of water.



Me: (No longer able to fake calm) WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHERE ARE YOUR SOCKS AND SHOES? WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DOWNSTAIRS IN 5 MIN!!


Slou: IF YOU WOULD STOP HITTING ME MAYBE I'D BE IN A BETTER MOOD!!  


Me: (Teeth clenched, face red and steam coming out of my ears) I DID NOT HIT YOU!!  I SPANKED YOU, ONCE...WITH MY HAND, NOT THE PADDLE!!  AND I HAD TO SPANK YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR LACK OF COOPERATION AND YOUR SMART MOUTH.  SLOU, YOU HAVEN'T EVEN BRUSHED YOUR HAIR OR TEETH!!!  DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR PROMISE FROM LAST NIGHT?


Slou: (With tears & snot running down her face...screaming at the top of her lungs) WHAT PROMISE?


Me: That you would have an amazing morning or you'd give me all of your happy tickets.  I think it's time for you to give me all of your happy tickets.


Slou: (Said so matter-of-factly) Oh, well I don't have any happy tickets.


Me: (in my head...not out loud) WTF? ARE YOU EFFIN KIDDING ME? SHOOT ME NOW!!! (out loud) WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS? WELL WHAT TICKETS WERE YOU PLANNING ON GIVING ME IF YOU HAD A BAD MORNING?


Slou: I was just gonna give you the ones I earned this morning.


I QUIT!!

Me: BRUSH YOUR HAIR & TEETH AND MEET ME DOWNSTAIRS.  (And I walk away)


5 min. later...the bipolar child walks downstairs with a smile on her face and the sweetest attitude.  Another 5 min. later, her sister has pissed her off and we're all being accused of hating her...AGAIN!!