All Lives Matter....

I was born and raised in the south. I was raised to see a person, a boy or girl, not a color.  When I was really young, we lived in VERY south Georgia.  I don't have many memories from then, but I remember 2 friends from church.  Kitsi and Summer.  Kitsi was white.  Summer was black.  The only reason I knew Summer was different from me was by her braids.  I loved them.  I wanted braids just like hers. I'm pretty sure I begged her mom to braid my hair too, but was told my hair couldn't be braided like that.

Fast forward a few years.  My family moved to Roswell...but our church was downtown off of Ponce.  You wanna talk about diversity? We had black members, white members, homeless members...you name it, we saw it. 

One Sunday, a black girl was visiting.  Her braids looked just like Summer's.  I couldn't take my eyes off of them. But apparently my stares made her uncomfortable.  I'm pretty sure I had no idea I was even staring.  To my 10 year old eyes, I saw the possibility of a new friend.  But to her eyes, she must've seen a little white girl looking down on her.  I don't remember exactly what she said to me, but it wasn't nice or friendly.  Something along the lines of "quit staring at me"...but it felt like a slap in the face.  That was the day I learned there was more than braids that made us different.

I'm not racist.  I'm not a bigot.  I'm not a xenophobe.  I'm simply white.  I can't change that any more than a zebra can change their stripes.  I'm afraid of where our country is headed.  Today was supposed to be a day of exploring new places with my girlfriends.  Starting with the Ponce City Market, right down the street from that same church.  But because of the possibility of protests & riots, we've been forced to change our plans.  I'm disappointed and I'm disgusted that it's come to this.

How did we get here?  I know my parents raised me to treat everyone the way I wanted to be treated.  They raised me to respect authority, not defy it.  The police ARE the good guys.  They sign up for the job to protect us, not to gun down innocent people.  But their lives are threatened everyday, by people (black, white, Asian, Indian, etc.) who mean to do them harm.  They have to protect themselves too.  I can't quote statistics, but I'm sure the innocent person shot by the police is an exception to the rule, rather than the rule.  Just like there are a few bad cops out there too, but that doesn't make every police officer the enemy.

This fire of HATRED is fueled by activists like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton...and Barrack Obama.  The media does their part to throw a little gasoline on it too.  Yes, there are racists, bigots and xenophobes in this world, but they're a small number compared to the millions of people like me, that are also labeled by their skin color.  I have no idea if my ancestors owned slaves...chances are they probably did.  However there's also an extremely high likelihood that some of their descendants (more of my ancestors) fought to abolish slavery.  For how many more generations are we gonna fight this war? We're all people.  We all matter! 

What I'd Really Like To Say....

Families would be so much less dysfunctional if everyone could just be honest and say how they really feel and be heard without defenses going up and blame being thrown around like a hot potato.  Hearing the truth sometimes hurts, but if your family can't tell you the truth; who can? Part of growing up is admitting when you're wrong, learning how to compromise and sometimes just agree to disagree.  If you're one of those people who thinks they're never wrong, you must live in a very lonely world.

I've been dealing with some family drama for going on 6 weeks.  I've tried to stay out of it, but still let my feelings about it be known.  For years, I felt like I was the only person that would stand up to this particular family member and now that someone else has, I'm backing them up from a distance....if that makes sense.  But now I feel like "no good deed goes unpunished".  

So here are some random things that I'd really like to say to random family members....

1. No matter how old we are, our parents are still our parents and deserve to be respected and appreciated.
2. I'm a mom too...and really Mother's Day is just another day to me.
3. Your birthday is not a national holiday.
4. Don't talk on your phone at the dinner table.  Excuse yourself or offer to return the call later.
5. Just because someone offers, doesn't mean you should necessarily accept.
6. Usually, if you ignore something it usually doesn't go away....it just gets bigger and bigger.
7. NOBODY is perfect!!
8. Jealousy only makes bad situations worse. 
9. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to, because they're the right thing to do.



This post is probably gonna hurt some feelings, but it was the only way I felt I could vent the things that were stewing inside me.  I love my family...my parents, my siblings, my kids and my extended family.  Most everything above has been said to the face of the person it's intended, but not necessarily heard or accepted.  Don't take your family for granted.  You never know what tomorrow holds.

Whew...now that I got all of that off my chest, I feel soooooo much better.

Week 12: L = Love

Moving on...to week 12 in Love Kate's A-Z All About Me Challenge.  As I've said before, I'm truly enjoying this challenge.  It's challenging me to get to know myself better in the process.  I'm digging deeper into me and what makes me tick than I have in a VERY long time.  I'm contemplating things that I've buried away for later reflection...and then conveniently forgot about.  Well, it's later...a long time later.

There are so many different kinds of love.  There is the love that I feel for my children.  There is the love that I feel for my parents.  The love I feel for my siblings.  The love I feel for my friends.  The love I feel for this blog and my readers. The love I feel for a favorite book, movie, song or band....sports, smells, places, sounds, etc.

I have spent the last 9 years healing from the destructive love I felt for my ex-husband.  The last time I gave that part of my heart to someone, it was trampled into pieces.  I glued those pieces back together a long time ago...and then built big strong walls around it to protect it from being shattered again.

Although I'm jaded and VERY scared of this kind of love, I think I might be ready to give it a shot...or at least think about giving it a shot.  Over the past 9 years I've learned that I don't have to give anyone my whole heart.  I won't let any one person be responsible for all of my love ever again.  It will not rule my world.  It will not make or break me as a mom, friend, daughter or sister.  I'm still gonna be me.

I've also spent a lot of time thinking about what I think are important qualities that the next person I give a piece of my heart to should possess.  First and foremost, he better love and respect his mama...but not be a mama's boy.  There's the obvious ones, like a job, a vehicle, a sense of humor, manners and a brain.  But he's also gotta have patience, a voter's registration card & good character.  He's gotta be comfortable with the fact that some of my best friends are guys.  He's gotta be trustworthy and trusting.  He's gotta be a little bit crazy...and little bit sane to even me out.  And he has to understand that he'll always come 2nd to my girls.  He'll have to woo my friends too. 

The list of things that will get someone pink slipped is a little shorter.  I don't do jealousy.  I've been there, done that and burned the t-shirt.  I won't tolerate lying.  I won't crawl up your ass, so don't crawl up mine.   Say what you mean and do what you say.  I'm too old for games.  I think that sums it up.  I don't think I'm asking too much.  Do you?

To be clear though, I'm not ready to start trolling the bars lookin for a sugar daddy.  I'm not registering at every online dating site.  Hell, I'm not looking for anything.  All I'm saying is I'm open to the idea of someone coming into my life.  If it happens great...if not, that's fine too. I'm happy exactly where I'm at.

PS: Facebook, Twitter and topmommyblogs.com (Sorry...I'm getting lazy and running out of catchy ways to primp myself out)



 

Hypocrites?

So if you've been paying attention, you know I grew up in a "Christian" home.  You also know how well that worked out.  If you're new here, long story short....we basically ate, slept & breathed church until my parents got divorced and then we were shunned by all the judgmental, hypocritical Christians.  I'm not bitter, really I'm not.

Apparently the whole Sunday school lesson about not being a hypocrite didn't make as big of an impression on most everyone else.  Please allow me to remind you of the definition:

Definition of HYPOCRITE

1: a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion

2: a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings 

I'm grateful for the time that my family spent going to church.  I really do think that, despite my experience, it taught me to be a better person.  I believe in God and I don't believe I have to go to church 3 days a week to get into heaven.  I may cuss like a sailor, over indulge in drink from time to time and pass a little judgment here and there....but what I don't do is preach to everyone about my beliefs.  I don't quote scripture on my Facebook status.  My about me section isn't filled with how much I love Jesus or how thankful I am for God's love.  I am a Christian and I pray and I try my best to make good choices.  I do feel like I've failed my kids by letting my experience hinder me in helping them build a relationship with Christ.

I should probably back up and explain what got me fired up about this in the first place.  You know that nifty little section on your Facebook page titled "People You Might Know"?  Well last week a certain person popped up.  Someone that I try not to let affect me.  Someone that has contributed to the hurt & disappointment that my kids have felt.  So of course my curiosity got the best of me.  I'm nosy by nature...sue me.   Of course I snooped around and when I read their "About Me" section....I wanted to throw up, scream & punch someone in the face.  Does broadcasting how much you love God help  you sleep at night, after you've had the words of the devil projectile out of your mouth and onto my children?  

I've always tried to be the most genuine person I can possibly be.  I'm constantly coaching myself to take the high road.  I know that part of being a Christian is being able to forgive someone even if they're not sorry and not letting them affect your life.  It's REALLY hard with this one.  Not only has this person inflicted their venom on my children, but they're continued lack of gainful employment affects our lively hood.  I don't name names and I try hard to keep this category of my life out of this blog.  But DAMMIT...I'm tired of being the better person.  I'm tired of being the one that gets up and goes to work every day so my kids don't grow up on welfare and can have the things that they deserve.  It kills me knowing that this person blows money they didn't earn on extras that I do without.

Of course the right thing for me to do is pray for them.  I'm sorry my prayer list is full of prayers for children dying of cancer, children being kidnapped and forced into a life of sex trafficking and for my own kids to grow up to be NOTHING like the people that have hurt them most.  Now that I've gotten that off my chest....deep breath.

I think I must really need a weekend with my friends to lighten me up.  These non-funny posts are getting old.  You know the drill.  Facebook, Twitter and the banner below are begging to be clicked on....just do it!!!  Happy Monday!!!

Fight On...Bitches!!!

Like probably every other mother out there, I had hoped that my teenage daughter would be the exception to the rule.  That she would never roll her eyes at me, question my authority, ignore me, test my patience beyond any safe level.  Of course I knew better...a LONG time ago!!  That kind of wishful thinking will always turn around and bitch slap you if you're not paying attention.

Currently we are having a battle of the wills.  God did not give me the gift of strong will.  I'm known to be the easygoing compassionate person in the room.  But God gave me girls.  Two very tenacious, haughty & STUBBORN girls.  One of which is under the impression that if she pushes hard enough and yells loud enough, she's going to break me and take over as the dominate female in the house.  She is sadly mistaken.

Last night was one of those nights where I refused to let her get the best of me.  She fights me on taking a shower EVERY.SINGLE.TIME!!  Well she played in 4 volleyball matches last night.  When I helped her take off her shoes and knee pads, I almost passed out.  Not bathing was OUT of the question, yet she wanted to bargain and finagle with me....swearing that if I just let her go to sleep, she'd get up this morning and take a shower.  Yeah right!!  

We got home from volleyball at 8:30pm, ate dinner, sang happy birthday to Slou (because her cake was a day late) and then the fight was on.  From 9:15-10:30 she was laying face down on her bed, whining about how tired she was or yelling about how mean I am and "why can't you just give in to me ONE time?!?!"  All the while her sister is already in bed TRYING to sleep.  It would've been easy for me to just give in and let her take a shower this morning or NOT, but by this point it was no longer about whether she needed to bathe or not...it was about who was in charge!!!

This could actually be a scene from our night....

All the while I was taking deep breaths and successfully not losing my temper, I was calm and collected.  I respectfully asked her 2,349,000 times to quickly get in the shower and explained that in the amount of time that she's fought be on this, she could already be bathed, in the bed and ASLEEP!!!  Unfortunately her brain is not programmed to take calm and respectful seriously.  She thought I was a joke.  She laughed at me, she cried at me, she stood naked in her room, stomping her size 9 foot at me and shook her naked ass in my face....basically telling me that it didn't matter what I said, she was indeed NOT taking a damn shower.  Again, she was sadly mistaken.

This is where I straddled the line between standing firm and child abuse.  I NEVER wanted to be that mom that screamed at her kids, I NEVER wanted to be that mom that spanked or slapped their children (GASP!).  I honestly still never actually lost my temper, she just thought I did.  Popping her butt no longer has any effect, screaming doesn't either, but thumping her on the forehead....that's a whole other can of beans.  She wailed the whole time she was in the shower...but guess what bitches.  I WON!!  She was clean!!  And surprisingly wanting to cuddle before she went to bed...of course blaming it on me by saying "Well I'm not tired now that you made me take a shower."  

How did her morning go, you ask.  SHITTY!!  Exactly the same way it does every morning.  Wake her up at 7am as I'm walking out to take Slou to school.  Wake her up AGAIN when I get home at 7:20.  And AGAIN when I get out of the shower at 7:30...answered every time with "I'm up, I'm up, I'm up" or "I know MOM.  Leave me alone!!"  She finally sits up and stares at herself in the mirror for 5 minutes.  Then stumbling to the bathroom, then complaining about having NOTHING to wear...while I'm giving her a running count down.  "I'm leaving in 15 minutes, 10 minutes, 5 minutes...I'm pulling out of the driveway in 2 minutes with or without you."  "MOM, I'm coming!!!!"  Someone please tell me where a shower would've fit into that equation this morning.  GAH!!!

The bipolar roller coaster that a household living with teenage daughters rides, is running at full speed at our house.  I hope I can keep up and not throw up in the middle of an upside down loopty loop.  I've always been a firm believer of "picking your battles", but right now every one of them is important.  If I don't stand my ground....they're gonna walk all over me and my authority will be zilch by the time they get to high school....where the real fun begins.

Thank you to my mom for not choking me out at the ripe old age of 13.  I'm still convinced I was EASY compared to my 2 girls.  We'll see if she chimes in and backs up my memories.  Of one thing I'm certain, my sister is the one that should be thanking her and praying she never has a daughter to pay her back in spades.


Here's my expected spiel to pimp myself out.  Please follow me here through GFC or on Facebook or Twitter.  Help a mama out by clicking on the topmommyblogs.com banner below too.  Thanks for reading and enjoy the rest of your week. 

Just Because....

I'm really a 14 year old girl, stuck in a 34 year old mom's body...doesn't mean I haven't grown up into a strong independent self-respecting adult.  It just means that I tend to have a hard time with the "if you can't say anything nice" rule, I have a potty mouth and a really twisted sense of humor.

Today is one of those days where I'm having a really hard time saying something nice about several situations.  So what do I do?  I blog...duh!!  Of course one of my better qualities is that I really don't like to hurt anyone's feelings...you can see how that tends to conflict with the saying of not-nice things.  So I'll go ahead and start with...if anything in this post hurts your feelings, I'm sorry.  Everything I'm about to say is out of love and other things (like frustration, disappointment & experience).

Nobody is perfect.  I understand that!!  Really, I do.  But there is a difference between an oops and a FUCK UP!!  The number of reasonable times you can forgive the same oops is way higher than the same FUCK UP!!!  "Oops, I forgot to put the toilet seat down."...gets old quick, if you prefer to keep your ass dry when you're up for a midnight pee.   "CRAP,  I forgot to pay the phone bill this month."....can be overlooked so many times.  "DAMN, Officer I swear I thought the speed limit was 90." adds up pretty quick.  "SHIT, I forgot to turn the stove off and the house burned down."  could definitely take a while to get over.  But "FUCK, that wasn't you I went home with last night?" or "FUCK, I gave you the herp?" or "FUCK, you weren't supposed to see that." aren't forgive and forget offenses.  

I used to give people the benefit of "everyone has to get to their breaking point in their own time".  But as we all get older and grow up, we all know the difference between right and wrong.  We know the difference between good and bad.  Every single person is responsible for their own situations.  Sure there are always going to be unforeseen speed bumps along the way.  You can't control anyone but yourself...and how you react to others bad choices that affect you.  For example; if you loan someone money and they never pay you back.  Are you going to continue to loan them money?  HELL NO!!  You decide whether you're going to be a door mat or not...not the person wiping their feet.

Everyone is so quick to say "don't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes."...but those shoes are worn by feet that are controlled by a person that chooses which roads they travel down.  I've done a lot of walking in my 34 years and sure I've gotten lost a time or two, but I remember which turns took me into the "hood and which ones took me out.  Being strong is a choice!!  You either want to man-up and create your own happiness or you don't.  It's that simple.

I'm no longer the patient person I was in my 20's.  Most of my "give a damn" busted a long time ago.  I'll be your biggest cheerleader if you're doing everything in your power to learn from your mistakes and change direction, but I don't do drama.  If you're not serious about putting yourself first, I'm not gonna sit around to be made to feel like a fool for encouraging you and holding you up and defending you, while you continue to ride your roller coaster.
 
It doesn't mean I love any of you any less.  It just means that my self-respect is gonna come before your self-induced train wreck.  I've been burned way too many times trying to be the friend that saves everyone.  I can't save anyone but myself.  I live my life surrounded by people that don't need saving or building up very often.  We all hold each other up...and for that I am so grateful.  When making a hard decision, stand back for a minute and think about what you would tell yourself if you were on the outside looking in.  Or better yet, think about what you would say behind your back if you were watching from the outside.  

Now that I've gotten all of that off my chest, I feel a little lighter and may even have some nice things to say after all.  This therapy we call blogging really does help.  If you've enjoyed this post, please click the banner below to cast your vote for me on topmommyblogs.com and follow me either here through GFC or on Facebook. Feel free to spread my words of wisdom to any or all of your friends....I'm trying to get famous here ya know!!!  Thank you and have an AWESOME weekend!!!

Funerals...Your Last Opportunity To Show A Little Respect

Some would say that our social circle has been cursed by death.  We've lost so many special people, many young and before their time.  Some from natural causes and others from tragic accidents.  I realized this past week, that I've been to way too many funerals to even remember who's funeral was at which funeral home anymore.

Because I've always been the optimistic sort, I'm just gonna say I was blessed to have had the opportunity to know and love so many people.  I'm thankful for having each of them in my life, even if it wasn't long enough for my liking.  This weekend we said goodbye to an amazing man and I was so touched by the incredible outpouring of so many people.  The chapel was filled to capacity and the rest of the building was standing room only.  It was unbelievable.  The procession to the cemetery was led by police escort, with his Harley being carried by a United Towing wrecker, followed by 30+ motorcycles and then miles of other cars and trucks.

I was moved by the young man that had been jogging in the park when we passed.  Who stopped on the walking trail and put his hands behind his back and bowed his head.  The cars that pulled over out of respect and the people that were in their yards, that stopped and stood with their rakes in hand waiting for the procession to pass.  But then there was the truck that saw an opportunity to pull out and cut into our procession, to which we pulled up next to and motioned for them to pull over (which they did).

There were however a couple of things that just pissed me off!!  There are certain things that I just consider disrespectful and unacceptable when it comes to funerals.  First of all, turn your damn phones OFF!!!  Under NO circumstances is it okay for a grown woman to be playing/texting on her phone during a funeral!!!  Second, take your hats OFF!!!  I realize this was not the most traditional service, seeing as Walter was buried in his favorite Harley Davidson shirt with the sleeves cut off...because that's who he was, but he was also one of the most respectful people I know and he deserved for every single person in there to take off their hats.  Third, I understand that everyone has somewhere they need to be.  We're always in a hurry.  But don't EVER cut into a funeral procession.  It wasn't just the one truck that cut in front of us...in their defense, I don't think they'd realized what they'd done  until we politely informed them.  I saw at least 2 other cars jump in and even turn on their flashers as to appear to be part of the caravan until we hit the entrance to the cemetery and they kept on.  ASSHOLES!!!

As a parent, it is my responsibility to teach my kids what is expected.  I hope that everyone else will too.  That being said, it was great seeing so many people that I hadn't seen in years.  We had a party that would've made Walter proud.  No more tears...only laughter as we remember a great man!!!

If you're new to my blog, I promise I'm normally quite funny and entertaining.  Please follow me here or on Facebook.  Take a minute to click on the banner below to cast your vote for me at topmommyblogs.com.  Have a great week and be on the look out for my Week 3 entry for the A-Z challenge.

Take This Job...

I've tried to refrain from saying much about my job on my blog...you know for professional reasons.  But just like I need to write about my children to keep from stabbing their eyes out sometimes, I NEED to write about the insanity that goes on in this place...so I don't accidentally drop rat poison in the coffee pot or slit someones throat walking down the hall.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm thankful for my job and for the most part, I enjoy what I do.  Just like at home, this family is full of dysfunction.

I work with  my sister, but she's obviously out on maternity leave.  So that just leaves me and a washed up princess in the office, most of the time.  I've been here for 12 years, so I know how it works...but that doesn't mean it doesn't drive me batty sometimes.  I must vent...NOW!!!

Monday at 11:25am, I get a text that says "I'll be there later. I was up all night with a stomach thing and I still feel bad.  Gonna lay down a little longer."  No, that's not a typo...it was 11:25am!!  See, she's the self-titled "VP of Sales" but she doesn't grace us with her presence until usually 11:30ish.  However, allow me to translate that text for you.  What she really meant was "I'm still drunk from last night.  I smoked 3 packs of cigarettes and I feel like I've been licking newspapers. I forgot to take my dog out last night and he shit all over my house."  She finally called around 2pm to let me know she was just gonna stay home because she still didn't feel good.  Here's where I'm torn...am I happy because I've narrowly escaped having to hear her whine about EVERYTHING for the rest of the day? Or am I pissed because yet again, she's not earning her paycheck and forcing me to skip lunch because nobody's here to answer the phone? Bet you thought I was gonna say I was torn about feeling sorry for her ass!!!  WRONG!!!

Then I finally tear the month of May off of my calendar...and I see in GIANT RED letters WUP Hair Appt. @ 1:15 on Tuesday.  Are you effing kidding me?  She's called out with a hangover today....and she's gonna come in here long enough to put on her make-up and feed her dog (yes, those are things she should be doing before she comes to work at 11:30) before she has to leave again.  Guess I'm skipping lunch AGAIN!!!

The best part about doing the jobs of 4 people is your day FLIES by.  Tuesday I was slammed!!  I'm talking...running down the hall with sweat stinging my eyes, multi-tasking like a ROCKSTAR!!!  When I'm about to turn the corner, I'm stopped by the insurance salesman that had called last week.  Here's our conversation (from last week):

Asshat: I Ms. Disaster, My name is Asshat.  Last time we spoke, you had said that all of  your health insurance needs were handled by a friend of yours that is a broker.

Me: Yep, she's still my friend and she's still my broker. (Thinking to myself: If you take such good notes WTF are you wasting my time AGAIN?)

Asshat: Well since we last spoke, we've added quite a few new services and money saving tools to our program.  I've got an appointment right around the corner from you next week.  If you've got 5 minutes to spare, I'd love to just drop off some information.

Me: I really don't have 5 minutes right now.  I'm really not interested in changing anything either, but if you want to just drop off your info and leave at the front desk...I'll be happy to stick in my file, just in case something changes down the road.

Asshat: Okay.  Thank you and have a blessed day.  (Just because you blessed my day...does NOT mean that you're gonna get my business)

Fast forward back to yesterday morning, me panting and obviously training for a marathon.  In walks Asshat.  SHIT!!!  Here's our conversation:

Asshat: Hi, I'm looking for Ms. Disaster.

Me: That's me.

Asshat: I'm Asshat from HRus.  I'll only take up a few minutes of your time....(I cut him off)

Me: As you can see, I'm really busy here.  I don't have a few minutes to spare right now.  If you want to leave a packet up front...(he cuts me off and tries to breeze into his sales spiel)

Asshat: Okay, well this is a brochure about our company, blah blah blah....(I cut him off as I'm trying to herd him towards the door)

Me:  I'll take a look at it when I have time and I'll give you a call if I have any questions.  

Can you guess where his packet of information is now?

Then today, I FINALLY got to take a lunch break!!!  Of course, I'm broke trying to save money...so I brought my lunch and so I'm not tempted to spend money I don't have, I sit in the empty spare office and read my book.  I do this a lot...I'm not sure why though, because it never fails.  At least one person ALWAYS comes in and wants to ask me a question about work or what I'm reading or they just stand outside the door and talk really loud to each other...making it near impossible for my ADHD brain to focus on what I'm reading.  DAMN YOU PEOPLE!!!  Can't you see I'm NOT at my DESK!?!?! 


All I can say is I can't wait to get a full paycheck for the first time in 4 years!!!  Our hours have been cut for so long, I don't honestly remember the last time I got a check for 8o hours.  So even though I'm slammed, fighting my boss over the thermostat and missing my Fridays OFF...I'm gonna take a deep breath, now that I've gotten that out of my system and finish the rest of my day being thankful that I have a job.

 

I Swore I'd Never Be That Girl...

Ok, so I just read a post on Motherhood Truth. This is my response to her question: How would you feel if you were picking up or dropping off your kid at school and there was someone smoking, right there in plain sight??? 

I started smoking when I was 15.  I'd sneak out my bedroom window and smoke on the roof and then RUN in and hop in the shower...certain that my mom didn't have a clue.  Turns out 15 year old's in fact do NOT know it ALL!!  When I got busted, she pleaded with me..."I loved you enough to quit smoking when I got pregnant with you, love yourself enough to quit now." Blah blah blah...my response was "I'll quit when I get pregnant."  She promptly cut me off!!  I mean she made sure I was fed, clothed and didn't go without...but the only money she gave me was enough for lunch money and that was it.  No way was she going to give me an allowance that I in turn would spend on cancer sticks.

So...who knew those words would come back to bite me in the ASS?!?!  I got knocked up at the ripe old age of 20!!  I quit cold turkey...but of course my husband didn't and after I popped that 8 pounder out, I quickly started puffing away again.  I didn't smoke in the car with my baby...but he did.  I didn't smoke in the house...but he did.  Because we were idiots and didn't figure out how it happened the first time...I got knocked up again (kidding...she was planned).  But this time the quitting cold turkey was sooooo much harder.  I probably averaged 3 sticks a day.


I LOVED smoking!!  Especially after my divorce.  It was my solace...my escape from reality for a brief 10 minutes at a time.  I could go sit on the back porch (the one who's roof I used to sneak on to) and have a few desperately needed minutes of SILENCE!!!  My girls knew not to bother me when I was out there...they'd patiently wait just inside the door for me.  


As they got older and started school, I was embarrassed that I smoked.  I didn't want any of the other parents to know I smoked.  If they had a friend over, I'd either wait til they left or I'd go hide somewhere and sneak a few puffs.  Then they got to the point where they were embarrassed too.  Beelay didn't even want me to smoke in my car after I dropped them off at school or on my way home from work because one of her friends might see me.


I wanted to quit.  I knew I didn't want to continue setting this horrible example for my kids.  I knew I couldn't afford the rising prices.  BUT dammit...I LOVED it!!!  Finally, on Jan. 1, 2010...I did it!!!  I quit!!  I swore I'd never be that girl though.  The judgmental former smoker that thought "If I can do it, so can you."  The one in the group that would say "I really don't wanna go there because it's so smoky."  Guess what?  I became that girl...usually silently, but all of those thoughts were there (they still are).


I was always respectful of non-smokers.  So when I ran to the bagel shop the other day to pick up lunch and these two guys were standing right at the door, shooting the shit and puffing away...it PISSED ME OFF!!  It wasn't raining, it wasn't cold...it was a beautiful day!!!  Why not walk away from the door...so everyone walking in or out or who was sitting right inside the door, didn't have to inhale your pollution?  


So when I read Motherhood Truth's post...I had to answer!!!  Besides it being prohibited, I think it's disrespectful, irresponsible, ignorant and foolish for parents to even think about smoking in the carpool line...or in the parking lot or on the playground or soccer field.  WAKE UP!!!  It's 2012!!  I don't think smoking should be banned.  I don't think that smokers should be butt raped by taxes.  If they want to smoke...have at it!!  Hell, smoke one for me...but seriously people, don't force it on those that have chosen to take their health seriously!!!

New Baby Etiquette....For Lack of a Catchier Title

I'm super excited to announce that I'm finally an aunt.  A for real bona fide blood related aunt.  I'm totally and completely in love with this little boy!!!  I had no idea my heart could swell with so much love for a little breathing human being that didn't actually come out of my own vag.  He is beautiful, isn't he? 

My sister was a trooper!!!  Things got a little hairy there at the end...but everyone pulled through just fine.  They're all home from the hospital and trying to adjust to having a sweet baby in the house.  And trying to make everyone happy when it comes to visiting and holding Squirt...but this task is proving to be way more difficult than it should be.

As a new mom, she should be able to say "Ya know, I'm really kinda tired and I'd really like to just take it easy and not have any guests today." Or "Well, I've got some family traveling into town to meet Squirt and I'd really like to just have a smaller group over today...so everyone (including myself) has plenty of time to love on him."  These things should be able to be communicated without others feelings being hurt.  Especially the feelings of those that live the closest and will have the most opportunity to have the baby to themselves after the newness has worn off.

A new mom's primary concern should be resting/recuperating from giving birth and bonding with their new baby.  They shouldn't be having to deal with the stress of family drama and playing hostess to all of their extended family.  Sure everyone is excited and can't wait to meet the newest family member, but is within the new parent's rights to set parameters and guidelines as to who they are comfortable having around their baby in the first few days and weeks of his life.  

The main focus here should be: What can we do to help you?  Not is it my turn yet?  So and so got to hold him longer than I did.  It's frustrating to see my sister trying to hold it together and worrying about making everyone happy rather than just relaxing  and enjoying her sweet boy. 

I know that nobody is doing this on purpose...they're just having a hard time stepping back and seeing it from my sister's point of view.  So next time some one you love has a baby, think twice about rushing to visit as soon as the get home from the hospital.  Maybe offer to bring them dinner one night and stay for a short visit and then leave it up to the new parents as to when another visit is a good idea.  And if it's family, make sure you focus on what you can do to help them with around the house...so they can focus on figuring out parenthood on their own.  Hormones and emotions are already all over the place after having a baby...make sure you're not overstepping your boundaries or overstaying your welcome too.

Again, don't forget to click on the button for Top Mommy Blogs at the top of my page to vote for meeeee.  Follow me here and on Facebook here. 

Bite Your Tongue...

Parenthood is a constant tug-of-war.  I'm constantly questioning myself...do I say something? Do I let them figure it out on their own?  Do I let them fight it out in the front yard?  Do I beat them senseless?  Do I walk away?  Do they need their hearing checked?  Am I screwing them up?  Are they going to need therapy and meds when they grow up? 

One of my mom's best pieces of parenting advice was "Pick your battles."  I totally get what she meant too...I just haven't quite grasped how to decipher which battles I'm supposed to fight and which ones to bypass.  I mean obviously I'm not gonna sit around and debate whether the sky is blue, but it's not always a simple black and white.  Plus, I have two GIRLS!!!  WWIV, V & VI are likely to take place at my house at some point.

Unfortunately, living with my dad...it gets, well a little stormy sometimes.  He's of the opinion that rules are rules and are to be followed NO MATTER WHAT.  He sees every battle as important and that the adult is ALWAYS the victor, even if they're not right.  To him, it's more about the girls respecting their elders and not challenging my authority...EVER!!  But whats that saying? Well behaved girls rarely grow up to make history?  That's the theory that my parenting is based on...or well that's what I tell myself when I want to choke out my children or duct tape them to their beds.  

Bottom line, they're my kids.  I'm their mom.  I'm their sole provider and disciplinarian.  If I want to let them stay up past their bedtime, that's my choice.  If I say they can have ice cream for dinner because they had a craptastic day...that's on me.  If I want to walk away when one of them is being a disrespectful shithead, let me.  I'm probably doing it so I don't actually choke them out.  Let me count to 10, take a few deep breaths and come back to it.  I don't need you to jump in and take over.  I need you to tune us out.  If I need your help, I'll ask for it.

I don't want to sound ungrateful to my parents with this post.  If by chance either of them read it, I totally understand their point of view.  This is just my platform to communicate my thoughts and feelings and to vent if need be...or even talk myself through things and possibly end up at the same conclusion they did.  

I was raised in a house where your parent's NO meant NO! If we questioned why...the answer was because they said so.  Sometimes I think the answer was NO simply because they wanted us to know that we didn't always get our way...which I'm in total agreement with sometimes.  A child that grows up ALWAYS getting their way, grows up to be a selfish rotten adult.  However I do try not to abuse my authority either.  If there's not a solid good reason for me to say no, I usually say yes.  Maybe I'm a softy on some things...sue me!!   I'm tough as nails when it comes to what is important to me...and they know it.

Ultimately I know I'm doing a good job.  My kids are well-mannered (when they're NOT around me).  They're thoughtful, helpful & sweet (when they're NOT around each other).  They're smart, witty & clumsy (all the time).  I'm proud to say I'm their mom...even when I want to stab out both of their eyes due to an unwisely timed eye-roll.  So when they're actually getting along and giggling in one of their bedrooms, I bite my tongue and let them have fun.  Even though another one of my mom's quotes rings in my ears "it's all fun and games til someone gets hurt".  I cross my fingers, eyes & toes that they'll grow up and be friends one day.


Please follow me here and on Facebook and share my stories with your friends.  Happy Friday everyone.  My house survived the first week of summer without it coming to blows...hope yours did too :)

A Mother's Day Weekend Worth Talking About

My Mother's Day came early with me learning that I had indeed won the very coveted MOTY award.  I would like to thank my dear friend, Skeeter for nominating me, voting for me and taking the time out of his busy life to reward me so generously for being 2012's Mother Of The Year.  My trophy will be displayed proudly FOREVER!!!  <---Mainly to remind my kids of just how lucky they are to have me for their mom...and not one of my slacker opponents that failed to BRING IT to the competition this year.  Better luck to you all next go round.

I guess those WINNING genes were passed down to Beelay, as her soccer team went on to WIN their championship game.  I'm one proud mama.  She is tied for the most goals scored this season.  All joking aside, her whole team and coaches deserve a HUGE round of applause.  The incredible teamwork and stellar sportsmanship they showed this season was a pleasure to watch and made for a very intense season.  Way to go ROCKETS!!!

Now for my Mother's Day.  In years past, what I've really wanted for Mother's Day was a day WITHOUT my kids.  You can deny it, but I'd be willing to bet money you've had the same thoughts.  I'm a single mom, so it's not like their dad has been around to help the girls make my day special.  To me it seemed logical to really want a QUIET day by the pool with a frosty beverage and NO fighting children.  Well this year they made me proud.  After the night at the circus I had, what I intended to do when I got home was go back to bed.  What I got was a day at "Spa de la Morrow".  They had draped white Christmas lights around my bedroom, lit candles and turned on some ambient music on their iTouch.  

They gave me a back massage.  They applied a mask to my face, painted my nails, rubbed my feet, etc.  They got along for the most part all day long.  When things started to get sketchy, I'd just say "Happy Mother's Day" and it would click that I was giving them a HINT that it was my day, not theirs.  It was lovely actually.  Plus my dad helped them out on the gift end.  My hairdryer took a crap last week and I'd been using his all week.  So this was the PERFECT gift!! 


Bless my sister's heart.  She is days away from delivering her first baby and she managed to put together a wonderful Mother's Day meal for all of us.  It was delish!!  And then while sitting at the table (luckily my children were sitting at the coffee table) my mom handed me my card and and Mother's Day gift.  I should've asked her what my budget was...but I'm pretty sure just the catalog was my gift.  Now you all know where I get my humor from.


I hope that all of my mom friends and followers had a wonderful day and that they were cherished by their children.  Remind them that it's because of them that you pee a little every time you sneeze.  It's because of you that they are still living and breathing.  Tell your mom that you love her often...not just on Mother's Day!!!

Fighting the urge to BITCH!!!

I've come to the realization that I have a negative attitude about so many things in my life lately.  I feel like I'm ALWAYS bitching, moaning, whining, complaining or SCREAMING about something....whether it be my kids, my ex-dumb dumb, my job, my co-workers or whatever.  I still feel VERY justified in all of my grievances, but for the next 15-20 minutes (or however long it takes me to write this post) I'm only gonna think about what I'm grateful for.

1. I'm grateful for both of my HEALTHY beautiful daughters, who even though they OFTEN drive me INSANE...they complete me with their humor, intelligence, stubbornness and LOVE.

2. I'm grateful for my dad.  I'm so lucky to have him for all of the obvious reasons but also because I never have to cook or truly grocery shop.  I've never had to worry about a babysitter and haven't had to worry about daycare for the past 6 years.

3. I'm grateful that my mom is no longer 2000 miles away.  I'm thankful for her generosity and especially her love for concerts.  Because of her, the girls and I will be going to the American Idol tour concert and to see Brad Paisley/Scotty McCreery in concert...and her shoe fetish that she's passed on to Beelay and often finances.
 
4. I'm grateful for my friends.  Without them my strength, courage & confidence would crumble....and my life would definitely not be nearly as comical.

5. I'm grateful for my job.  Even though on most days I feel under appreciated and taken for granted, I'm still glad I have it.

6. I'm grateful for my Kindle, my blog, Facebook and my bed.  These keep me sane and give me a much needed escape from my crazy hectic life. 

Now that I've sat back and regrouped, I feel a little better.  I need to remember to do this more often.  I keep preaching to my kids to be grateful for everything they have and not to focus on what they don't have...along with the whole "life's not fair" speech.  I'm just not sure that I've been setting the best example lately.  What are you grateful for?  

Beating the GAY out of your kids?

Seriously?  I just read this post on People I Want To Punch in the Throat. It's Jenn's reaction to a NC pastor that is encouraging his congregation to prevent their children growing up to be gay by physically correcting their behavior.  When I read it, I saw RED!!!  

This subject hits close to home for several reasons.  I'll start from the beginning.  I grew up in THE church...that's the Church of Christ.  We were at church on Sunday mornings, Sunday evenings and Wednesday evenings...and often small group or bible study another night.  Plus I went to a private Christian school from 6-9th grade.  Then all HELL broke loose!!  My parents got divorced!!  In all reality, shouldn't I have been able to lean on my Christian friends for support during this tragic upheaval of my life? You would think so....but nope.  Not only was I pulled out of my school because my parents could no longer afford the tuition...but my whole family was judged/shunned at church too.  

I can imagine the thoughts running through my friends parent's heads.  My mom was branded with a "Scarlett D" for divorcing my dad...and because we were her kids, we were considered the bad kids that would rub off on their perfect little angels.  Granted my sister earned that title fair and square...when her pack of cigarettes fell out of her purse in the middle of Sunday school.  But I didn't...until way later.  Eventually my mom stopped forcing us to go to church...and I've been turned off of organized religion ever since.

Now for the second reason this subject squeezes my heart so tight.  My brother is gay.  Sure we dressed him up in our Easter dresses and gave him 3rd degree burns on his forehead when we tried to curl his bangs.  And so what if he played with my Barbies with me...my sister never did.  Oh and who gives a rat's ass if he chose to take dance classes instead of playing sports?  He's my brother and I love him just the way he is...as do my parents, my kids, my sister...and anybody else that knows him.  He wouldn't be him if he wasn't gay.

I don't believe for one second that my parents could've changed his sexuality by forbidding us from dressing him up or refusing to let him take his dance classes.  I don't think it would've made a difference if they'd spanked him for playing with Barbies.  The only effect that would've had on him would've been that he wouldn't have felt like he was good enough, or loved enough....and would've forced him to be somebody he wasn't.  Everyone deserves to be happy.

I know that no parent really wants their children to grow up to be gay.  Their reasons may be different.  My reason is this: Life is hard enough without throwing sexuality into the mix.  The added struggles that being gay or a lesbian brings are nothing I would willingly set my kids up to have to fight.  BUT, if one day one of my girls comes to me and tells me they like girls more than boys, I will love them the same.  I will hug them and give them every ounce of support I can muster to help them live the life that they were dealt...by GOD!!

I'm raising my girls to live by the Golden Rule.  I demand that they respect other people's opinions and choices and beliefs.  They don't have to agree with them, but they have to respect them.  They're not allowed to use the word "gay" as a put down.  They've been taught that you NEVER know who you might offend with your words...just like we try not to call people retards either.  If all parents encouraged their kids to just respect and accept those that are different from them, the world would be a better place.

As for the whole judgmental thing...I'm guilty of that.  The bible says not to judge...yet Christians seem to be the most judgmental of the bunch.  I judge people on their parenting, their work ethic, maybe even their political views or IQ...but I don't judge anybody by their sexuality, the color of their skin, the size of their house or the label on their clothes.  I hope that you'll read this and take something useful away from it...and teach your kids to respect themselves and others.

I'm now pushing my soap box back under my bed...til the next time I get fired up about something I feel passionate about.  Feel free to share this with your friends and follow me on FaceBook.