All Lives Matter....

I was born and raised in the south. I was raised to see a person, a boy or girl, not a color.  When I was really young, we lived in VERY south Georgia.  I don't have many memories from then, but I remember 2 friends from church.  Kitsi and Summer.  Kitsi was white.  Summer was black.  The only reason I knew Summer was different from me was by her braids.  I loved them.  I wanted braids just like hers. I'm pretty sure I begged her mom to braid my hair too, but was told my hair couldn't be braided like that.

Fast forward a few years.  My family moved to Roswell...but our church was downtown off of Ponce.  You wanna talk about diversity? We had black members, white members, homeless members...you name it, we saw it. 

One Sunday, a black girl was visiting.  Her braids looked just like Summer's.  I couldn't take my eyes off of them. But apparently my stares made her uncomfortable.  I'm pretty sure I had no idea I was even staring.  To my 10 year old eyes, I saw the possibility of a new friend.  But to her eyes, she must've seen a little white girl looking down on her.  I don't remember exactly what she said to me, but it wasn't nice or friendly.  Something along the lines of "quit staring at me"...but it felt like a slap in the face.  That was the day I learned there was more than braids that made us different.

I'm not racist.  I'm not a bigot.  I'm not a xenophobe.  I'm simply white.  I can't change that any more than a zebra can change their stripes.  I'm afraid of where our country is headed.  Today was supposed to be a day of exploring new places with my girlfriends.  Starting with the Ponce City Market, right down the street from that same church.  But because of the possibility of protests & riots, we've been forced to change our plans.  I'm disappointed and I'm disgusted that it's come to this.

How did we get here?  I know my parents raised me to treat everyone the way I wanted to be treated.  They raised me to respect authority, not defy it.  The police ARE the good guys.  They sign up for the job to protect us, not to gun down innocent people.  But their lives are threatened everyday, by people (black, white, Asian, Indian, etc.) who mean to do them harm.  They have to protect themselves too.  I can't quote statistics, but I'm sure the innocent person shot by the police is an exception to the rule, rather than the rule.  Just like there are a few bad cops out there too, but that doesn't make every police officer the enemy.

This fire of HATRED is fueled by activists like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton...and Barrack Obama.  The media does their part to throw a little gasoline on it too.  Yes, there are racists, bigots and xenophobes in this world, but they're a small number compared to the millions of people like me, that are also labeled by their skin color.  I have no idea if my ancestors owned slaves...chances are they probably did.  However there's also an extremely high likelihood that some of their descendants (more of my ancestors) fought to abolish slavery.  For how many more generations are we gonna fight this war? We're all people.  We all matter! 

What I'd Really Like To Say....

Families would be so much less dysfunctional if everyone could just be honest and say how they really feel and be heard without defenses going up and blame being thrown around like a hot potato.  Hearing the truth sometimes hurts, but if your family can't tell you the truth; who can? Part of growing up is admitting when you're wrong, learning how to compromise and sometimes just agree to disagree.  If you're one of those people who thinks they're never wrong, you must live in a very lonely world.

I've been dealing with some family drama for going on 6 weeks.  I've tried to stay out of it, but still let my feelings about it be known.  For years, I felt like I was the only person that would stand up to this particular family member and now that someone else has, I'm backing them up from a distance....if that makes sense.  But now I feel like "no good deed goes unpunished".  

So here are some random things that I'd really like to say to random family members....

1. No matter how old we are, our parents are still our parents and deserve to be respected and appreciated.
2. I'm a mom too...and really Mother's Day is just another day to me.
3. Your birthday is not a national holiday.
4. Don't talk on your phone at the dinner table.  Excuse yourself or offer to return the call later.
5. Just because someone offers, doesn't mean you should necessarily accept.
6. Usually, if you ignore something it usually doesn't go away....it just gets bigger and bigger.
7. NOBODY is perfect!!
8. Jealousy only makes bad situations worse. 
9. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to, because they're the right thing to do.



This post is probably gonna hurt some feelings, but it was the only way I felt I could vent the things that were stewing inside me.  I love my family...my parents, my siblings, my kids and my extended family.  Most everything above has been said to the face of the person it's intended, but not necessarily heard or accepted.  Don't take your family for granted.  You never know what tomorrow holds.

Whew...now that I got all of that off my chest, I feel soooooo much better.

Beating the GAY out of your kids?

Seriously?  I just read this post on People I Want To Punch in the Throat. It's Jenn's reaction to a NC pastor that is encouraging his congregation to prevent their children growing up to be gay by physically correcting their behavior.  When I read it, I saw RED!!!  

This subject hits close to home for several reasons.  I'll start from the beginning.  I grew up in THE church...that's the Church of Christ.  We were at church on Sunday mornings, Sunday evenings and Wednesday evenings...and often small group or bible study another night.  Plus I went to a private Christian school from 6-9th grade.  Then all HELL broke loose!!  My parents got divorced!!  In all reality, shouldn't I have been able to lean on my Christian friends for support during this tragic upheaval of my life? You would think so....but nope.  Not only was I pulled out of my school because my parents could no longer afford the tuition...but my whole family was judged/shunned at church too.  

I can imagine the thoughts running through my friends parent's heads.  My mom was branded with a "Scarlett D" for divorcing my dad...and because we were her kids, we were considered the bad kids that would rub off on their perfect little angels.  Granted my sister earned that title fair and square...when her pack of cigarettes fell out of her purse in the middle of Sunday school.  But I didn't...until way later.  Eventually my mom stopped forcing us to go to church...and I've been turned off of organized religion ever since.

Now for the second reason this subject squeezes my heart so tight.  My brother is gay.  Sure we dressed him up in our Easter dresses and gave him 3rd degree burns on his forehead when we tried to curl his bangs.  And so what if he played with my Barbies with me...my sister never did.  Oh and who gives a rat's ass if he chose to take dance classes instead of playing sports?  He's my brother and I love him just the way he is...as do my parents, my kids, my sister...and anybody else that knows him.  He wouldn't be him if he wasn't gay.

I don't believe for one second that my parents could've changed his sexuality by forbidding us from dressing him up or refusing to let him take his dance classes.  I don't think it would've made a difference if they'd spanked him for playing with Barbies.  The only effect that would've had on him would've been that he wouldn't have felt like he was good enough, or loved enough....and would've forced him to be somebody he wasn't.  Everyone deserves to be happy.

I know that no parent really wants their children to grow up to be gay.  Their reasons may be different.  My reason is this: Life is hard enough without throwing sexuality into the mix.  The added struggles that being gay or a lesbian brings are nothing I would willingly set my kids up to have to fight.  BUT, if one day one of my girls comes to me and tells me they like girls more than boys, I will love them the same.  I will hug them and give them every ounce of support I can muster to help them live the life that they were dealt...by GOD!!

I'm raising my girls to live by the Golden Rule.  I demand that they respect other people's opinions and choices and beliefs.  They don't have to agree with them, but they have to respect them.  They're not allowed to use the word "gay" as a put down.  They've been taught that you NEVER know who you might offend with your words...just like we try not to call people retards either.  If all parents encouraged their kids to just respect and accept those that are different from them, the world would be a better place.

As for the whole judgmental thing...I'm guilty of that.  The bible says not to judge...yet Christians seem to be the most judgmental of the bunch.  I judge people on their parenting, their work ethic, maybe even their political views or IQ...but I don't judge anybody by their sexuality, the color of their skin, the size of their house or the label on their clothes.  I hope that you'll read this and take something useful away from it...and teach your kids to respect themselves and others.

I'm now pushing my soap box back under my bed...til the next time I get fired up about something I feel passionate about.  Feel free to share this with your friends and follow me on FaceBook.