Wanna bet?

I'm taking bets on which of my girls will be the death of me.  Which one will finally break that thin thread that is holding my sanity neatly inside my body.  At this point, it's anyone's game.

Yesterday, Beelay had volleyball tryouts at school until 5:15...so we were already gonna be later than normal getting home. 

B: "Ma, can I go to Main Event tonight?" (it's a Wed. night youth program at a church down the street.)  

M: "B, I don't know.  Let's get home first and we'll talk about it." 


B: "Well, I gotta know.  It starts in 30 minutes." 

M: "Are you serious?  Then I'm sorry.  The answer is no."

B: "MOM, it's CHURCH!!!  You're telling me NO to CHURCH???  It's the first time I've been able to go in weeks.  I really want to go!!"

M: "B, you think you've been busy?  Who's been driving you all of those places?  I'm sorry.  This is the ONLY night all week we don't have something going on.  You're not going."

B: "You're mean...."

Fast forward an hour or so.  Slou ran her mouth and got sent to her room. Beelay sat on the couch and played with Squirt.  Slou was called back downstairs and set the table.  Both girls bickered and Slou took it too far again and got sent to her room again.  We ate.  I called Slou back down to eat by herself and the next thing I know Beelay is gone on a walk with Squirt.  WTF?!?!  I tell my sister that I'd rather her (Beelay) come back in and help with the dishes.  She says "Oh, I'll help with the dishes."  Well thanks, but she has responsibilities and she keeps getting out of them because she's helping with the baby.

When she got back, I asked her to wipe the table off and wash the 3 hand washable pieces in the sink and wipe down the counters.  Trust me...that was getting off easy.  Dad doesn't know how to cook without dirtying up every dish in the kitchen.  She reluctantly does what she's asked and then I tell her that as soon as her sister is out of the shower, I want her in it and in bed by 10pm.

Here's what actually happened.  Let me start with a little TMI.  My lady parts have been kicking my ass so badly that it's hurt to stand up straight for almost 3 days.  So after I finished with my duties, I had a date with my heating pad and my DVR.  Slou took a shower, finished her homework and then came to lay with me.  At this point, where should Beelay be?  That's right, in the shower.


Instead she is baking EFFING cupcakes for her soccer team!!!  WTH!?!?!  And sending me the following texts.  Can't you feel the love?
   

  

I finally went downstairs after I tucked Slou in.  I seriously stood there and watched her unload....the....dishwasher slower than molasses.  She finally comes upstairs about 9:45...but did she get her stinky ass in the shower?  Oh hell no!!  She ran a damn bath!!!!!!  I had to remove my loving heating pad from my womb 3 times to tell her that time was up and to get out of the bathtub before she actually did.  Wanna know what time she finally got in the bed?  11pm!!!  Because of this, she is staying home this weekend.  No football games.  No birthday parties.  No sleepovers.  And what's really gonna suck is Sat. night....because I'm not staying home with her.  She can hang out with Pa!!  I'm checkin out for the night.  Peace!!!

Keep in mind that I reminded her multiple times that I needed to leave a few minutes early this morning and to make sure she had all of her volleyball stuff together before she went to bed...because she has tryouts again after school and practice with her other team after that.

I woke her up nicely at 7am.  I woke her up again at 7:15am...not as nicely.  She kept promising "I'll be ready!!"  At 7:50am (not early btw)...I was in my car...in reverse, when she ran out the door brushing her teeth!!  She spit in the front yard and gargled with a cup of water and spit again and jumped in my car.  Are you serious?  Then she says "OMG, I hope my bra is in this bag!!"  What?  That's right.  She had to maneuver her DD's into their over the shoulder holder in the front seat of my car on the way to school.

STORY.OF.MY.LIFE!!!

So in case you thought you were riding this roller coaster alone, you're not.  I'm sitting on the front row...with my arms held high above my head, screaming at the top of my lungs and praying with all of my might that I'm still alive when the ride is over...in however many years.

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Lollipop...Is My Best Friend!!

And I bet she thought I forgot about her birthday.  I promise I didn't.  I just haven't been in the right mindset to give her the proper attention that she deserves.  I've finally kicked that nasty writers block to the curb and I'm ready serenade my best friend...(I'm singing that line in my best Tim McGraw impersonation).

Lollipop and I met in high school.  I knew who she was...and well she probably didn't have a clue who I was.  She's not very good with names or faces...actually she sucks at them...bad!!  Anyway, there was a fight at the city park one afternoon after school.  Looking back, I don't think I'd ever seen a fight in person before...besides the occasional ass-whooping I'd give my sister.  I think I was there with my boyfriend at the time.  It was one of his friends fighting another guy.  I was enthralled...mesmerized.  I wanted a front row seat.  I guess I wandered off from my boyfriend and I was making my way towards the front of the crowd....when Lollipop grabbed my arm and said "Hey, let's go to the front!!"  And she pulled/pushed me to the front...where we witnessed my bf's friend get the ever living the shit beat out of him.  It's funny.  Boyfriends and even a husband have come and gone....and we're still best friends.

She gets me....and I get her.  She is my person.  She is my cheerleader and my voice of reason.  She is my rock and my shoulder to cry on and my ear to vent to.  She and I are soooooo totally different...that it just clicks.  Her birthday celebration was a little lame.  There weren't enough giggles to justify a whole clowny installment.  It wasn't anyone's fault.  It just happened to fall in the middle of a really busy time and we had to celebrate on a Friday night...and Friday nights are just typically LAME!!!  So instead, I'll tell you some other fabulous birthday stories of "Giggles & Lollipop".

Lollipop doesn't drink very often....I mean she'll have a beer or two every now and then, but she doesn't really DRINK but maybe once a year and there's a VERY good reason behind it too.  There was the birthday where she was drinking keg beer out of a straw...that night ended with her hanging her head out my passenger side window and me holding her in the car by her back pockets while I drove her home.

There was the year Sparky had to carry her out of the bar before she got kicked out for throwing a mostly full beer bottle at some random dude...and it shattered and spewed all over the wedding party hanging out on the deck.  That night it ended with her head out her own passenger window, while I took pictures and Sparky drove us both home.

Then there's last year!!!  Last year is probably why this year was low-key LAME.  Last year it started with us having a nice dinner & margaritas....just the 2 of us.  I don't even think we really planned on going out after.  But some how we ended up OUT...and so were a ton of our friends.  When I spotted Lollipop walk past an occupied table and not so subtly walk off with their pitcher of beer, I knew it was time to go.  I offered to drive Banjo, Big Daddy & Lola home too.  It was like herding cats!!  I finally got her outside, while Big Daddy or Banjo tracked the others down.  While we're standing outside waiting, Lollipop strikes up a conversation with these 2 guys...that we don't know.  I can literally see the wheels turning in her eyes.  I knew she was up to something....and then in slow motion, she clocks both of them in the face at the same time!!  Before they could even react, I grabbed her and threw her in the car.

We get back to Lola's and decide to hang out for a little bit before I take her home.  We get her tucked in on the couch, all nice and cozy.  The rest of us were just hanging out in the kitchen...talking, cutting up and venting.  When I go to check on Lollipop...she's GONE!!!  I look in the bathroom...out on the deck, in the garage...I run out to the car EMPTY!!!

SHIT!!!! SHIT!!!! SHIT!!!!

I run back in the house.  "Ummmm, guys I can't find her!!!"  Banjo & Big Daddy come help me look for her.  As we're driving up the street, Banjo says "What the? Uhhh, I think we found her."  She had walked up to Gumdrop's house...how she figured out which one is his, is beyond any of us.  We both have a hard time remembering which one is his when we're stone cold sober.  She had walked in his front door, straight into his guest room that was occupied by another couple we know (THANK GOD)...and promptly face planted in the floor and woke them up.  They asked her if she was ok...and she just got up and walked back out the door.  When we found her she was puking in the bushes next to the mailbox.  We got her back in the car and drove back down to Lola's to let her know we found her and as we were driving back up to Gumdrop's to drop the boys off...she puked all in my backseat.  It was a chain reaction!!!  Banjo jumps out of the car gagging, Big Daddy ran for the nearest bush and yakked...and I was choking back my own vomit from the stench and the sounds.  It must've been Big Daddy's parenting experience that allowed him to help me handle this situation.  I'm driving to Lollipop's when she starts feeling bad again....she's got her head out the backseat window of my car and he's holding her in this time and I'm just praying that the smell will one day get out of my car.  I finally had to pull over into a little strip mall for her to puke some more.  The sprinklers come on and I jokingly ask her if she wants to run in the sprinklers...that I'll do it with her if she wants to.  I'm thinking if I can get her in the sprinklers at least she can wash the ralph out of her hair....THANK GOD SHE SAID NO!!!  About this time a cop pulls up behind us.  He didn't even get out of his car.  He yelled from this window asking if everything was ok and if I was ok to drive.  He probably didn't really want to know the answer.  He was probably thinking "if this girl isn't okay to drive, then I'm gonna end up with this other drunk bitch in my car and then she's gonna puke in my patrol car."  So he quickly just took my word for it that I was okay to drive and that we had the situation under control.  20 minutes later, we were home safe and sound.  Whew...

So needless to say, it was probably about time Lollipop had a low key birthday celebration.  Just be warned....next year it is ON!!!

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Week 13 - {M} for Music

I'm finally caught up...and ahead of Kate in her weekly challenge.  It's week 13.  I'm a music junkie...especially live music.  Concerts can get a little pricey, so I'm not above frequenting a few local watering holes from time to time to get my music fix.  Plus the people watching at concerts and bars are second only to the airport.

My all time favorite group to see in concert is Sugarland.  Jennifer & Christian put on a phenomenal show.  It's high energy the whole time...I'm just ready for them to come out with some new music, so I can justify spending the money on tickets next time they come home for a show.



We were Zac Brown groupies before they made it big.  We watched them in parking lots and hole in the wall bars all over the Atlanta area, before they were performing on awards shows and singing duets with Alan Jackson.  They also put on a spectacular live show. 

If you've never heard of Corey Smith, you should totally look him up.  He's another Georgia artist that we've taken mini-road trips to see live.  His audience continues to get younger and younger and we continue to get older.  The last time we saw him live, we thought we were rockstars.  Turns out we're not.  Who knew? 

My first concert was Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith.  I've seen NKOTB a handful of times.  Garth Brooks, Sawyer Brown, Martina McBride, Brooks & Dunn, Hank Williams Jr., Lady Gaga, Natasha Bedingfield, Keith Urban, Toby Keith, Little Big Town, Taylor Swift, Luke Bryan, Brad Paisley, The Band Perry, Lynard Skynard, Allman Brothers, Charlie Daniels Band, Merle Haggard, Jake Owen, Montgomery Gentry, Styxx and Def Leppard.  I'm sure I'm leaving some out...I'm just drawing a blank.  As you can see, I'm more of a country fan...for live music anyway.  I find it rather interesting that my top 3 picks are local Georgia Artists.  Apparently we know how to grow 'em.

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Week 12: L = Love

Moving on...to week 12 in Love Kate's A-Z All About Me Challenge.  As I've said before, I'm truly enjoying this challenge.  It's challenging me to get to know myself better in the process.  I'm digging deeper into me and what makes me tick than I have in a VERY long time.  I'm contemplating things that I've buried away for later reflection...and then conveniently forgot about.  Well, it's later...a long time later.

There are so many different kinds of love.  There is the love that I feel for my children.  There is the love that I feel for my parents.  The love I feel for my siblings.  The love I feel for my friends.  The love I feel for this blog and my readers. The love I feel for a favorite book, movie, song or band....sports, smells, places, sounds, etc.

I have spent the last 9 years healing from the destructive love I felt for my ex-husband.  The last time I gave that part of my heart to someone, it was trampled into pieces.  I glued those pieces back together a long time ago...and then built big strong walls around it to protect it from being shattered again.

Although I'm jaded and VERY scared of this kind of love, I think I might be ready to give it a shot...or at least think about giving it a shot.  Over the past 9 years I've learned that I don't have to give anyone my whole heart.  I won't let any one person be responsible for all of my love ever again.  It will not rule my world.  It will not make or break me as a mom, friend, daughter or sister.  I'm still gonna be me.

I've also spent a lot of time thinking about what I think are important qualities that the next person I give a piece of my heart to should possess.  First and foremost, he better love and respect his mama...but not be a mama's boy.  There's the obvious ones, like a job, a vehicle, a sense of humor, manners and a brain.  But he's also gotta have patience, a voter's registration card & good character.  He's gotta be comfortable with the fact that some of my best friends are guys.  He's gotta be trustworthy and trusting.  He's gotta be a little bit crazy...and little bit sane to even me out.  And he has to understand that he'll always come 2nd to my girls.  He'll have to woo my friends too. 

The list of things that will get someone pink slipped is a little shorter.  I don't do jealousy.  I've been there, done that and burned the t-shirt.  I won't tolerate lying.  I won't crawl up your ass, so don't crawl up mine.   Say what you mean and do what you say.  I'm too old for games.  I think that sums it up.  I don't think I'm asking too much.  Do you?

To be clear though, I'm not ready to start trolling the bars lookin for a sugar daddy.  I'm not registering at every online dating site.  Hell, I'm not looking for anything.  All I'm saying is I'm open to the idea of someone coming into my life.  If it happens great...if not, that's fine too. I'm happy exactly where I'm at.

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Week 11 - These are all of my favorite K's

I'm still trying to play catch up...so hopefully you're getting 2 A-Z posts this week.  You know you're excited.  I think it's really week 13 in Kate's challenge.  I'm not even sure anyone else is still participating at this point, but I'm gaining so much internally that I'm gonna keep going all the way to Z!!  So here we are at letter K.  I really think K may be the hardest letter so far.  Where's my dictionary?  I need some help with K words.  Someone has stolen my Webster's out of my office!!  WTF?!?!  Who steals a dictionary?  Dumb people. That's who.  Obviously they needed it worse than me...seeing as I am the Royal Grammar & Spelling Queen in these parts.  Who needs spell check? Not this bitch...

Well for shits and giggles, I took a little visit over to everyone's favorite dictionary.  Once I got to Urban Dictionary, I clicked on K.  You wanna go look at what came up and get a little giggle?  I'll give you a minute...go ahead.  Although there was some entertaining vocabulary content, it really didn't help me get any closer in my quest to find the perfect K word.

So rather than getting even farther behind in this A-Z challenge, I'll just tell you my favorite things that begin with K.

10. Most other Kids
9. Kickball
8. Keith Urban
7. Kittens
6. Kisses
5. My Kids
4. Kiwi
3. Kindness
2. Chiquita <---Her real name starts with a K
1. My Kindle

Do me a favor and don't judge me because I like Chiquita and my Kindle more than I like my kids.  Come spend a day in my house and you'll understand why.  The first K word that might come to mind is KILL...just kidding. 

Brace yourselves.  I know it might come as a shock, but here's my spiel.  Please follow me here on GFC, Facebook and Twitter....and please click the banner below.  Happy Tuesday...

Hypocrites?

So if you've been paying attention, you know I grew up in a "Christian" home.  You also know how well that worked out.  If you're new here, long story short....we basically ate, slept & breathed church until my parents got divorced and then we were shunned by all the judgmental, hypocritical Christians.  I'm not bitter, really I'm not.

Apparently the whole Sunday school lesson about not being a hypocrite didn't make as big of an impression on most everyone else.  Please allow me to remind you of the definition:

Definition of HYPOCRITE

1: a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion

2: a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings 

I'm grateful for the time that my family spent going to church.  I really do think that, despite my experience, it taught me to be a better person.  I believe in God and I don't believe I have to go to church 3 days a week to get into heaven.  I may cuss like a sailor, over indulge in drink from time to time and pass a little judgment here and there....but what I don't do is preach to everyone about my beliefs.  I don't quote scripture on my Facebook status.  My about me section isn't filled with how much I love Jesus or how thankful I am for God's love.  I am a Christian and I pray and I try my best to make good choices.  I do feel like I've failed my kids by letting my experience hinder me in helping them build a relationship with Christ.

I should probably back up and explain what got me fired up about this in the first place.  You know that nifty little section on your Facebook page titled "People You Might Know"?  Well last week a certain person popped up.  Someone that I try not to let affect me.  Someone that has contributed to the hurt & disappointment that my kids have felt.  So of course my curiosity got the best of me.  I'm nosy by nature...sue me.   Of course I snooped around and when I read their "About Me" section....I wanted to throw up, scream & punch someone in the face.  Does broadcasting how much you love God help  you sleep at night, after you've had the words of the devil projectile out of your mouth and onto my children?  

I've always tried to be the most genuine person I can possibly be.  I'm constantly coaching myself to take the high road.  I know that part of being a Christian is being able to forgive someone even if they're not sorry and not letting them affect your life.  It's REALLY hard with this one.  Not only has this person inflicted their venom on my children, but they're continued lack of gainful employment affects our lively hood.  I don't name names and I try hard to keep this category of my life out of this blog.  But DAMMIT...I'm tired of being the better person.  I'm tired of being the one that gets up and goes to work every day so my kids don't grow up on welfare and can have the things that they deserve.  It kills me knowing that this person blows money they didn't earn on extras that I do without.

Of course the right thing for me to do is pray for them.  I'm sorry my prayer list is full of prayers for children dying of cancer, children being kidnapped and forced into a life of sex trafficking and for my own kids to grow up to be NOTHING like the people that have hurt them most.  Now that I've gotten that off my chest....deep breath.

I think I must really need a weekend with my friends to lighten me up.  These non-funny posts are getting old.  You know the drill.  Facebook, Twitter and the banner below are begging to be clicked on....just do it!!!  Happy Monday!!!

Who Are You? And What Have You Done With My Sweet Baby?

I feel like I'm sliding down a very slippery slope and quickly losing grip of my sweet baby.  Slou has ALWAYS had a strong personality.  She's often abrasive and loud, but she's also got this sweet side and a funny one too.  But lately...lately she's not been that sweet or funny child.  I don't recognize her sometimes...or well I take that back.  I recognize the behavior/personality traits.  They are very familiar to me, but not coming from my sweet Slou.  I'm noticing more and more similarities between her and her dad.  

I don't mean to make this a trash dumb-dumb segment.  Let me explain.  When he and I would fight, he would shut me out and yell as loud as he could for as long as it would take until I just dropped it, because I'd always realize he wasn't hearing me anyway.  She is sooooo much like him...the good parts too.  I could be madder than hell at him and he could crack a joke just like that and I couldn't help but laugh and then he'd think everything was fine again....and because I just wanted peace & harmony, I'd sweep it under the rug until next time.  Eventually that wasn't enough and I gave up and left him.  I can't give up and leave my baby though.

Monday morning I asked to see her agenda so I could sign it from Friday.  You would think that I'd learn to check the damn thing on FRIDAY!!  But I don't...and then it affects my Monday.  She had 4 agenda marks from Friday!!!  FOUR!!!! I saw RED!!!!!  She hadn't turned any of her homework in on Friday and that's not the kicker.  The kicker is that I'd asked her every day if she had language studies homework or math or geo challenge.  She blatantly lied to me.  She told me that they weren't doing language studies last week because they were working on their writing assessments and that they were doing their geo challenges in class.  I believed her.  You see, up until recently....she's always been a straight A student.  She was my kid that got off the bus, fixed a snack and immediately sat down at the table and knocked out her homework.  Where did that angel go?

Now she lies like it comes naturally.  She watches entirely too much TV....and when she gets in trouble she accuses me of hating her and tells me that she'll make everyone's lives easier and just kill herself.  For a little while, I reacted to those statements.  Telling her "you know I love you and that it hurts me when you say those things.  You have to take responsibility for your actions that got you in this mess to begin with."  Then I realized she was manipulating me to make me feel sorry for her and lighten her punishment.  Now I just tell her I love her and send her to her room.  I'm at my wits end.

She's lost TV entirely this week, but she's lost it during the week indefinitely!  Unfortunately, I don't think any amount of punishment or reward matters to her.  I'm looking into counseling.  I just truly want to get to the bottom of this before she's moved on to middle school next year.   

UPDATE:
In the car yesterday, Slou tells me that her dad gave her some advice.  "Oh yeah?  What's that?"  She said "He told me that maybe if I have a better attitude about school when I get there in the mornings, maybe I'll have a better day."  Oh wise words...that I've been saying to her for 11 years!!  But maybe it just took her hearing it from him, rather than her nagging mom, for it to actually click.

We had a heart to heart last night...ya know since there's no TV anyway.  We talked about her grades and how I knew she was fully capable of straight A's.  That she just had to put forth some effort.  I asked her how she would feel if she failed the 5th grade.  She told me "Thanks mom.  That really helps my self-confidence."  "Well honey, if you don't start turning this around...that's EXACTLY what might happen."  

We talked about trust and honesty.  I explained to her that right now, I don't trust her.  That it's like the boy crying wolf.  She's going to have to earn back my trust...and that means that I'm going to check her homework every single night.  It means that I'm no longer going to be able to just take her word for it.  We talked about how she feels when people let her down.  We discussed unconditional love, that even though I'm very disappointed in her...I still love her VERY much.  I'm praying that she's finally seeing the big picture here.

There!!  I finally finished one of my posts that's been sitting in my drafts for a couple of days.  I'm ready for my life to go back to being filled with rainbows and butterflies....wait, oh yeah, that was when I was 10.

Anyways, you know the drill.  Click the banner below and follow me everywhere and if you ever feel the need to share my stories with someone else so they know they're not the only ones who's lives aren't perfect, feel free.