Bare with me because much of the night is a little blurry for me. I even took notes of the early on funny...but guess the jager raping distracted me at some point. Anyway, we went out to dinner for sushi first. The staff knows us pretty well...considering there's usually 10+ in our party. And no birthday is complete without the sake bomb...yes, Sunflower, you were right about the spelling. If you look carefully at this picture, you'll see there's a glass of water on the right...yeah, after the sake bombed; there wasn't anymore water in that glass either. SPLASH!! After dinner, we moved the show on to Chiquita & Zippy's house. The drinks were a flowin' and the jokes were headed south QUICKLY!!! Consider that Tree Frog brought his strawberry moonshine...that I adamantly refused to partake in. I wasn't so successful in my refusal of my no longer dear friend, Mr. Jagermeister and Skittles' favorite Fireball. Keep in mind I've steered clear of that dark licorice flavored DEMON since my birthday TWO years ago!!! Thanks to Chiquita being a bitch and forcing it upon me...she and I both spent the next day cuddled up on the couch watching Grumpy Old Men and running to the bathroom to puke. As for Fireball, I've only spent time with it once...and that was my birthday this year. We have no hard feelings...but I'd really do much better to just stick with what I know best, and that's ICE COLD Bud Light Lime.
So the most vivid memories are of all of us camped out on the deck discussing "Fifty Shades of Grey", men included. Tree Frog said "I know I'm dominant when I hear OUCH", to which Skittles responded "That's because you had it in the wrong hole." There was LOTS of talk about swingers and how Zippy likes to throw out mixed signals at Walmart, by walking around with a pineapple in the babyseat of his buggy. For anyone that doesn't know us well, they would've been very confused. NONE of our friends swing...that we are aware of anyway.My timeline and actual memories are a little fuzzy, so some of this might have been my imagination. I believe it was Cuz that said something about the "salmonella" candles being lit under the tables. And Sarge clarified that they were "citronella" candles. We were all very impressed with his knowledge of ecol-i and insect repellant. But it was Cuz that said "I'm like a rat turd...sharp at both ends." That was one of the funniest things I think I've ever heard!!
We apparently had an in-depth conversation about swapping body parts. Like those of us with ample tittays would be happy to loan a portion out to the less fortunate. And those with a bountiful booty would share with those of us suffering from "noassatall". This lead to some of the more free spirited (inebriated) clowns to flash some boobage and then Jinx blessed everyone on the deck with a "Full Moon".
Tater & Valentine were there too. Valentine continues to prove to me that I picked the PERFECT name for her. She's so sweet...and lovey. Oh and I hear (because of course I don't remember) she shares my graceful nature. Clarence & Cricket came by. I didn't manage to inflict any pain on him this go around. He and his gimp fingers are always blaming me for something. Cricket usually just sits back and laughs at all of us. I'm just glad we haven't scared her away yet. It was an unexpected surprise when Skeeter and Clarabelle showed up. Thank you again for my trophy. Again, it's all a little fuzzy. I'm sure you both contributed something funny to the night...but yeah I got nothing. Banjo even graced us with his presence, late as usual.
I'm also told that we were all dancing in the rain. There is a picture, that I am NOT posting here...that appears to have been taken some time after the alleged rain dance. I however have ZERO recollection of this pic being taken. Just to give you an idea. Chiquita's 3' tongue is almost touching Freckles' cheek, I have a handful of Freckles' boob and I'm holding Lollipop's leg up and Sunflower is smiling ever so innocently with her lollipop in her hand.
I guess my seat was out of the line of fire for Sleezy. Unfortunately a couple of my other clown friends weren't so lucky. Is random groping normal in the non-vanilla (meant in a sexual way, not racial) world? I'm not sure, but it's UNACCEPTABLE in our Circus. Guess he didn't get the memo that none of us actually swing...we just talk a lot about it.
At some point all of the mixing of beer, moonshine, jager, fireball, sake, etc...got the best of Freckles. Poor birthday girl made another SPLASH when she emptied her tummy contents in the back yard. She just kept saying "I just wanna laugh and I'll feel better". So Chiquita paged me and Banjo for the job. I'm assuming we made her laugh...because we're funny, not because I actually retained the memory.I should probably commiserate with Zippy before I publish this because I'm sure he has a much clearer memory of the nights events. While he was rehashing all of it for us the next morning, he kept saying "Giggles, you were sitting right there. You don't remember it?" And I just sat there blank faced. Chiquita sent me a text later in the day asking how we ended up in the garage, to which I replied "We were in the garage?"
If I left out anything and you would like to contribute to the funny, please please please do so in a comment. You can even do it anonymously or under your clown name if you like. As always, feel free to share my writing brilliance with your friends...and take note that Lollipop has the biggest balls in our Circus. Follow me on Facebook here.
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