Now moving on to part 2 of my weekend. Beelay thought she had manipulated me just right. WRONG!!! The deal was, she had to finish all of her chores before she left for the beach...in order to get her spending money. Well, she thought if we went to Skittles' birthday dinner and we got home late...I'd let the chores slide. HA!!! No ma'am!! She finished her bedroom before she went to bed and I woke her up in time to finish all of her vacuuming before her friend's mom picked her up. Nice try though!!
I must now give my good friend Tater a shout out!! He takes such good care of me...and Stella. She got all kinds of TLC this weekend. She got new tires, brakes & wipers. Guess I should probably give her a bath now, huh? Anyway, THANK YOU TATER!!! <---Keep an eye out...he'll be making another (much funnier) appearance in my weekend a little later. <Stella got a bath at lunch today>
Then my BFF, Lollipop and I decided to sweat it out!! We walked almost 5 miles...and burned just enough calories to justify an ice cold pitcher of beer!! We joined Gumdrop and Bruiser (named for her broken nose she got from catching a softball with her face)...it was great company and great conversation. As luck would have it, we weren't the only ones w/ Rooster's on the brain. We were graced with the presence of Zippy, Jinx...and new to the Circus, Annie (along w/ her expanding baby bump & my favorite red headed little boy), Franny (and her litter of shy kids), Baloney & Otis. Who knew it was gonna be such a popular place? Not me!!! Otherwise I might not have made a public appearance in my sweaty gym clothes. Whatevs, love me like I am or not....no sweat off my butt crack!!
The night just kept getting funnier (translation: dirtier). Tater had invited me over to hang out with him, his new lady friend (we'll call her Valentine), Speedo & his lovely wife, Trixie. I warned Tater that I hadn't changed. I wouldn't smell nice and I wouldn't look very pretty...but hell, why not? I'm Giggles, dammit!!! And people LOVE my ass...clean or dirty!!!
So I get there just as they're all about to sit down to eat. The classy dinner conversation went from discussing nice things like our children...and went down hill FAST!! We discussed planning a camping trip...that quickly moved to shitting in the woods. And then on to our not so classy version of politics and before I know it, Trixie (who I've never really hung out with) is putting a dip in. CLASSIC!!! I totally thought Speedo was kidding when he made reference to her sitting around spittin her dip while she was shittin in the woods. Joke was on me....HA!! We then take turns telling stories. Poor Valentine probably felt the need to bathe by the time we all left. We talked about Speedo calling me for the first time and propositioning me because of the writing on the bathroom wall at some random BP. We talked about Trixie biting her toenails and Speedo almost breaking his ankle trying to do the same. We talked about Tater being a band geek and a football player at the same time. We talked about his and Speedo's questionable morals and sanity...example driving to a bar, puking out the window and all down the side of the truck, going to the car wash to clean it all up and then going back to the bar to PARTY like a ROCKSTAR!!!
We talked about our jobs and how some of us have rewarding jobs while others work with dumbasses. We discussed the difference between a mute point, a mood point and a moot point. We listened to Speedo talk to himself about releasing fluids while he was in the bathroom. The word Dugan resurfaced back into our vocabulary...I could go on and on.
Then...just as I'm saying my goodbyes and getting ready to leave, we hear sirens. LOUD SIRENS!! And then they just STOP!! Oh shit, that sounds close. We all instantly stand up and run through the house and out the front door to see what's going on. I was silently hoping to see a real life episode of Cops. All we could see is a fire truck in the culd-a-sac and people moving cars. They were gone within 10 min. The only entertainment that came of it was Valentine's SLOSHED neighbor standing out there watching too. He couldn't talk...at all!! It was all one garbled and slurred mess when he opened his mouth. It was actually a little uncomfortable...but whatever.
I laughed so hard that night that my head hurt by the time I got home. If we didn't scare Valentine off after that, she must be a keeper!!! It definitely takes a special girl to stay afloat in our sea of perversion and insanity. That being said, I can NOT wait to hang out with Trixie & Valentine again!!!
If this made you laugh, please feel free to share it with your friends. If you haven't already started following me...do it!!! And go "like" my fan page on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/gracefuldisaster.