On my way in this morning, I was listening to The Bert Show. They are promoting a huge campaign to make sure EVERY.SINGLE.SERVICEMAN/WOMAN stationed outside of the United States has a handwritten thank you letter in their hands by Thanksgiving.
As many of you know, one of my VERY dearest friends is in the Army. Knowing how it feels to have him so far away from us, I can only imagine what it's like for all of them to be away from their families, friends and loved ones, especially during the holidays.
That being said, I'm joining the campaign!! I'm asking all of my friends, family, co-workers and readers to please write a THANK YOU letter...as short or long (no more than front and back of one page) as you want. If you're not able to get them to me, you can either drop them at any Jersey Mike's location or mail them directly to the radio station.
There are a few "rules" though. Here's the gist...
Each letter should be heartfelt, handwritten, original, and free of
any political statements. The purpose of the letter is to express thanks
to the military personnel currently deployed outside the United States.
We reserve the right to eliminate those messages that are political in
nature and do not reflect a positive message in the spirit of
Thanksgiving.
- All letters must be on 8.5” x 11” paper or smaller.
- Do not use glue, tape, staples, cardboard, glitter
or otherwise attach anything to the paper.
- NO construction paper.
- Decorate using crayons, markers, pens or pencils.
- Use both sides if you like, but use one page per letter only.
- Do not send greeting cards or photographs.
- Feel free to include your mailing and email address.
- Individual letters should not be sealed in envelopes.
- Do not send anything except letters.
For more information you can visit their website at bigthankyou2013.com
In order for them to ensure that all letters are delivered by Thanksgiving, they must have them in their possession by November 1st. I'll be sending all the letters I plan to collect no later than October 28th. Please take the 5-10 minutes to say thank you to the people who have dedicated their lives to protecting us and our country.
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I'm really a 14 year old girl, stuck in a 34 year old mom's body...doesn't mean I haven't grown up into a strong independent self-respecting adult. It just means that I tend to have a hard time with the "if you can't say anything nice" rule, I have a potty mouth and a really twisted sense of humor.
Today is one of those days where I'm having a really hard time saying something nice about several situations. So what do I do? I blog...duh!! Of course one of my better qualities is that I really don't like to hurt anyone's feelings...you can see how that tends to conflict with the saying of not-nice things. So I'll go ahead and start with...if anything in this post hurts your feelings, I'm sorry. Everything I'm about to say is out of love and other things (like frustration, disappointment & experience).
Nobody is perfect. I understand that!! Really, I do. But there is a difference between an oops and a FUCK UP!! The number of reasonable times you can forgive the same oops is way higher than the same FUCK UP!!! "Oops, I forgot to put the toilet seat down."...gets old quick, if you prefer to keep your ass dry when you're up for a midnight pee. "CRAP, I forgot to pay the phone bill this month."....can be overlooked so many times. "DAMN, Officer I swear I thought the speed limit was 90." adds up pretty quick. "SHIT, I forgot to turn the stove off and the house burned down." could definitely take a while to get over. But "FUCK, that wasn't you I went home with last night?" or "FUCK, I gave you the herp?" or "FUCK, you weren't supposed to see that." aren't forgive and forget offenses.
I used to give people the benefit of "everyone has to get to their breaking point in their own time". But as we all get older and grow up, we all know the difference between right and wrong. We know the difference between good and bad. Every single person is responsible for their own situations. Sure there are always going to be unforeseen speed bumps along the way. You can't control anyone but yourself...and how you react to others bad choices that affect you. For example; if you loan someone money and they never pay you back. Are you going to continue to loan them money? HELL NO!! You decide whether you're going to be a door mat or not...not the person wiping their feet.
Everyone is so quick to say "don't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes."...but those shoes are worn by feet that are controlled by a person that chooses which roads they travel down. I've done a lot of walking in my 34 years and sure I've gotten lost a time or two, but I remember which turns took me into the "hood and which ones took me out. Being strong is a choice!! You either want to man-up and create your own happiness or you don't. It's that simple.
I'm no longer the patient person I was in my 20's. Most of my "give a damn" busted a long time ago. I'll be your biggest cheerleader if you're doing everything in your power to learn from your mistakes and change direction, but I don't do drama. If you're not serious about putting yourself first, I'm not gonna sit around to be made to feel like a fool for encouraging you and holding you up and defending you, while you continue to ride your roller coaster.
It doesn't mean I love any of you any less. It just means that my self-respect is gonna come before your self-induced train wreck. I've been burned way too many times trying to be the friend that saves everyone. I can't save anyone but myself. I live my life surrounded by people that don't need saving or building up very often. We all hold each other up...and for that I am so grateful. When making a hard decision, stand back for a minute and think about what you would tell yourself if you were on the outside looking in. Or better yet, think about what you would say behind your back if you were watching from the outside.
Now that I've gotten all of that off my chest, I feel a little lighter and may even have some nice things to say after all. This therapy we call blogging really does help. If you've enjoyed this post, please click the banner below to cast your vote for me on topmommyblogs.com and follow me either here through GFC or on Facebook. Feel free to spread my words of wisdom to any or all of your friends....I'm trying to get famous here ya know!!! Thank you and have an AWESOME weekend!!!
With the recent untimely passing of an old friend, I've been doing a lot of reflecting back on times gone by. I've been leisurely and sometimes teary eyed wandering down memory lane. Thinking about old friendships that have changed, ended or grown apart in my lifetime...and the friendships that have continued to grow and have sustained times of tragedy & loss, marriage & divorce and distance.
I've been blessed to have had so many friends over the past 34 years. I've learned so much from all of them, even the ones that I'm no longer friends with. Thanks to Facebook, I've even reconnected with a friend from my early childhood that I thought I'd never hear from again...ahem, Kitsi!!
Right now I'm grieving and the sorrow and sadness is sitting on my chest...I feel like there is a sob stuck in my throat that either needs to be swallowed or to explode, but neither is happening right now. I know it's mostly my guilt for not being the friend that I could've been. Failing someone that desperately needed my strength and support is a hard reality for me to face.
Logically, I know that friendships grow apart and people naturally go their separate ways as their lives change. Intellectually, I know that it's IMPOSSIBLE for me to nurture and build every friendship that I have. But emotionally, I feel like I need to call every person in my life that I hold dear and tell them how much I love them and how thankful I am to have them in my life...even if our paths don't cross as often as we'd like. I'm grateful that they've in some way enriched my life.
I don't have time to call every single one of them, so I'm broadcasting by love & appreciation here...by name!!! And if I may have overlooked you, please don't be hurt. I've been lucky to have so many friends in my life that I can't possibly name everyone.
Jennifay (est. 1983) - Our friendship has withstood so many obstacles. Thank you for knowing me the way you do. Thank you for our inside jokes that NOBODY else on earth would find nearly as funny. Thank you for still loving me even after our teenage years, when I wasn't exactly always nice to you.
Katie (est. 1987) - Although we don't hardly ever talk anymore, I still consider you a lifelong friend. We have so many memories together...good and bad. Some of which didn't always end in Jennifay's favor. Maybe we weren't always the best influence on each other, but we sure did have fun.
Terri (est. 1993) - Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I miss you more than I ever thought possible. Losing you was the absolute, without a doubt, hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. Having you in my life brought so much laughter, Rio Bravo and sunbathing into my life...and singing, I can't leave out the singing. I love you and hope that when you're looking down on all of us that you left behind, that you're proud of the people that we've become.
Kelly (est. 1994) - Thank you for educating me in the skill of "smart ass". If it hadn't been for that fateful day in Spanish class, I'd have lived a dull boring life in comparison. You and your family helped mold me into the sarcastic & funny person that I am. You've been my rock more times than I can count....and I've been yours. I know we don't have that mushy kind of friendship, but I want you to know that I love you so much and I admire you and the woman/mom that you've become. You are my example of a strong woman that has broken the mold when it comes to picking up the pieces and keeping on keeping on. Thank you for always being my comic relief...even at the most inappropriate times.
Wanda (est. 1996) - You are my person. You are the yin to my yang or maybe the yang to my yin. You've taught me to be a fighter...to stand up for myself and my kids. You've carried my load when I've been too weak to keep going. You've been my harsh conscience when I didn't want to face reality. You know me better than I know myself...and can read me like an open book (even over the phone). I know that I can call you at 2am...and you're gonna answer the phone and not even be mad when it's not an emergency. Although the same can't be said if I called you at say 6am. You're my cheerleader. You have helped me raise my children to be the confident young ladies that they are today. Thank you for our giggle-fests. Thank you for your stubborness...maybe one day it'll rub off on me.
Holly (est. 1997) - Granted you suck when it comes to actually being around...or planning birthday parties or answering the phone when it rings. But I know that you love me and cherish me as much as I do you. I'm so happy to have you in my life...and I'm so proud of all that you've accomplished. You've overcome the odds and made a wonderful life and home for you and your family. So when you drop the ball on the social side of friendship...always know that I forgive you :)
Sparky (est. 2005) - So what if I thought you were a complete dumbass when I met you...that proved to be part of what I love most about you. Your big heart and silly personality and protective nature made you a lasting part of my life. It doesn't matter if you're 10 min. away, across the country or on the other side of the world...you're still my favorite red headed step child. Your hugs can melt away any problem I have...I just wish you weren't across the country so I could have one more often. You've been a surrogate dad for my girls and shown them what a daddy's love should feel like. I'm so proud of you and the soldier that you are today.
Kimberly (est. 2008) - You are me...in a taller skinnier body. We share almost the same exact thoughts 99% of the time...only you have bigger balls than I do when it comes to saying them out loud. You are part of the village that helps raise my kids to be responsible and accountable and funny. Although I might be a little older than you, you're the wiser. I've learned so much from you and you've helped me grow as a mom and as a friend. You've brought a quality to my life that I didn't know was missing. We laugh until we cry or pee...whichever happens first. Thank you for sharing your home, husband and kids with me and my girls. We are all family now.
THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING MY VILLAGE!!!
My heart is being weighed down by so many different emotions right now. I'm not sure if I can even put it all into words, but right now my need to write about it is so overwhelming. Our circles of friends have suffered so many losses in the 16 years since I graduated. We've have had drug overdoses, car accidents, heart attacks and other tragic accidents. It's been a few years since we've all had to come together to mourn one of our own.
My morning was shaken with news that has caused a hurricane of unexpected emotions. I don't know where to start because her story is so sad and tragic, it could be the basis of a Lifetime movie. We met in high school and quickly became friends because our boyfriends were thick as thieves. We were never up to any good either. Back then it was Countrytime Lemonade and tequila. We cruised the back roads of Alpharetta, usually looking for our hell raising men.
Shannon and Philip were a fixture in our lives. They came to the hospital when Beelay was born. They were a constant in Beelay's life. I have a vivid memory of her being barely 2 years old, down on her hands and knees picking up change in the driveway with Philip. And him teaching her to sing "Money, money, money"....and swinging on the swing set together. They were at our house every weekend and often during the week.
When they got engaged it was no surprise when she asked me to stand as her bridesmaid along side her little sister as her maid of honor. It was an honor that I was never able to fulfill. I'll never forget that day. It was Nov. 1, 2000. I woke up to a message on my answering machine from Shannon saying to call her as soon as I got the message, that it didn't matter what time. I have no idea what time it was when she called, but when I called her back; her step-mom answered the phone and the words that came out of her mouth brought me to my knees. "Philip was killed last night while riding 4-wheelers." I had never been so affected by someone's words in my life.
One week to the day before they were supposed to get married, we buried Philip. Devastated doesn't even begin to describe Shannon's pain. I won't lie and say that their relationship was perfect, it wasn't. But their relationship was her EVERYTHING!! Her grief was palpable. I tried to comfort her as best I could, but I was at a loss. I had no idea how to help her...I was 22 years old and had no experience or idea how any one of us was supposed to move past this kind of tragedy.
When Shannon turned to going out and partying it up to keep her mind off it...I judged her. Looking back now, I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing. But at the time I was married with a 2 year old and I just couldn't relate. We grew apart a little bit at a time. Eventually we lost touch all together. Until after my divorce. I had been rear-ended and her dad owned a body shop and she'd been on my mind a lot...soooo I stopped in to see her dad and see how Shannon was doing. Only to be surprised by the fact that she was there, working for him and was 8 months pregnant. It felt like God had brought us back together just in time. We rekindled our friendship and got together often...for a while.
For the life of me, I can't remember why we lost touch again. I don't think it was anything specific. We just got busy living our lives and raising our kids and lost touch. The next time our paths crossed we ran into each other at Chili's. We exchanged numbers and talked about getting together soon...but it never happened. Then our circle suffered another loss, Charlie fell from a cell tower and was killed instantly. I made the call because I figured I was the only one that had her number. It's crazy how we all get busy living our lives and in an instant we're all brought back together again.
She reached out to me more times than I can count. I am filled with guilt for not being the friend to her that she needed. I can blame it on my kids and being so busy with them or I can say it was just because we were in different places in our lives. But the God's honest truth is I didn't know how to be her friend anymore. She was a constant reminder of my old life and I didn't know how to transition it into my grown up adult life. The last time I saw her, I actually tried to avoid her....because I just didn't know what to say to her when she would tell me she missed me and our friendship. It's funny though, while I was trying to avoid her...she spotted me from across the pool and knew it was me from looking at the back of my head. We talked briefly about our kids and that was it. I haven't seen or spoken to her in probably 2 years.
So this morning when I heard the news, I felt guilty for even being sad. I feel like I was a shitty friend to her and therefore I have no right to even mourn her death. I was happy to hear that she had found happiness again and had remarried, but heartbroken to find out she left behind 9 week old twins. My heart and my head are all over the place. I'm sick over the fact that her 8 year old son, her step-son and her 9 week old daughter & son are now going to grow up without their mommy. The scars that were left behind from Philip's, Charlie's, Terri's & JD's (only to name a few) deaths have been ripped open and are now raw with sadness and regret.
Shannon, I'm sorry that I wasn't the friend you needed me to be. I'm sorry that your children, your husband and your family have to find the strength to go on living without you...just like you had to find it when you lost Philip. I hate that yet again, we're all coming together to say goodbye to one of our own. Rest in peace. You'll live on in our memories and in the eyes of your children.
***I'll update as soon as I know of any of the arrangements.
Contrary to common belief, I'm a sissy!!! I don't think I've always been this way. I'm pretty sure it's because of past failures. I am not a risk taker. If something's not guaranteed, I'm not buying.
Professionally:
I've been working for the same company for over 12 years. It's comfortable. I have plenty of perks, but the company has been struggling financially most of the time I've been there. Specifically after 9/11, Hurricane Katrina and the current Presidential economic crisis. I've known deep down for several years that I should be looking for a new job. I can blame it on my loyalty to my boss or any of the other positives of my job, but the truth of the matter is; I'm absolutely terrified of not just rejection but also that I will be absolutely miserable in any other position. It's dumb, I know...but change = PANIC!!!
Financially:
Since my divorce, I've lived with my dad. I pay my way, mostly. My divorce left me in financial ruins. I had a foreclosure and a repo on my credit, so my cars have been in my dad's name, as well as my car insurance and cell phone....but I do actually pay for all of it. I also pay roughly half of the household expenses. So in reality, I can probably totally afford to move out on my own. But the thought alone sends me into a full blown anxiety attack. The fear of not being able to make it on my own, providing for my kids and having to turn around and move back in...keep me frozen. I've saved for years to buy a house...and every time I've gotten close to actually being able to do it, something has happened. First I was in an accident that totaled my almost paid for car. Then SLou had to have surgery. Then my hours were cut at work. It's always something. Therefore, I've made the decision to stay where I'm at until my kids both graduate from high school. Judge me if you want...but taking that chance is just too risky for my psyche to handle.
Romantically:
So I've been divorced for a LONG time....8 years is a long time, right? Well when I first split from him, I made a vow to myself and to my children that I wanted to make certain I could be happy by myself. I told myself that I wouldn't be that mom that rushes in and out of relationships, dragging her kids along with her. I figured a year...maybe 2 would be more than adequate. And I can tell you whole heartedly, I am completely 100% happy being single.
I've dated a little over the years, but haven't really put myself out there in a LONG time. I'm so scared of being hurt or rejected that the walls I've built are 50' tall and bullet proof. I'm terrified of bringing anyone into my kid's lives and it not working out, that I'd just assume stay single and stay busy being their mom...I mean where would I pull the time to date from anyway? But who am I kidding? I'd love to find Mr. Right...it's the courage it takes to find him that I don't have. This subject could be a whole different blog of it's own....stay tuned :)
