2013...So Far Kinda Blows

Don't let the title of this post confuse you.  I'm happier than I have EVER been.  I'm in love with an amazing man that would move heaven and earth to make me happy.  I have high hopes that in reality 2013 is going to be an amazing year for us.  But right now, 21 days into the year...I'm just sad.

My Gramma passed away week before last...and although it was expected and it was definitely her time, I miss her.  I really didn't shed many tears at the time, but I think it's caught up with me now.  She was an amazing woman and I'm so grateful that God picked her to be my grandmother.  She was a feisty fun Gramma.  She clogged long into my childhood.  She sang all the time.  She was a talented artist...and she had a hysterical sense of humor, even after Alzheimer's took most everything from her; she would crack jokes and act silly.  I love you Gramma.

My morning started off great today.  Most Monday mornings don't begin with me waking up next to the man of my dreams.  It just so happened that it's MLK day and the girls are not only out of school today, but they were both spending the night out last night...so I got to spend an extra night with him.  So for all intents and purposes, I should be in a fantastic mood!!!  I was...even when I was walking his crazy ass dog up and down the street begging her to poop.  Even when I had to leave before him to get to work.  

But then as I was making my trek into the office, I had to pass the cemetery.  The one where my best friend is buried.  The one that I pass on a regular basis now, but haven't made the time in a while to just stop by.  I always think of her when I drive past.  Some times I even say "hi" out loud.  This morning I said "Good Morning Ter...I miss you!!" and then I promptly lost it.  I haven't truly shed tears for her in months.  She's been gone over 7 years now and not a day goes by that I don't think of her, but I haven't bawled my eyes out over the void she left in my heart in a long time.  Apparently today is the day that I'm making up for that lost time.  

I called my sister wife, expecting her to cheer me up.  But what does that bitch do?  She starts crying with me!!!  I had an intense dream on Friday night that I lost her too.  I don't remember the details of the dream, but I woke up devastated and paralyzed with fear.  It took a while to catch my breath and convince myself that it wasn't real.  So, just so we're clear...Chiquita, Lollipop & Sunflower; y'all are not allowed to go anywhere for a VERY long time.  I need your crazy asses to balance me out...and Dumpling, I love you so much it takes my breath away and this sadness has absolutely nothing to do with "us". 

Then add that the Falcon's broke my heart just a little bit yesterday too...and you've got all of the ingredients for a perfect storm.  Hopefully writing about all of this will get it off my chest and I'll be done with the tears and go on to have a fabulous Monday.

PS: I'm co-hosting the GFC Blog Hop tomorrow.  Check back in the morning to hop along with us and find some new blogs worth following.