Merry Christmas...I promise I'm alive!!

I realize it has been WAY too long since I've written.  I have been so busy at work and home and my lack of cooperating devices, I just haven't had time to blog.  I know, it's a lame "dog ate my homework" excuse.  So now that I should be getting busy with "Operation Clean-Up", I'm gonna procrastinate and FINALLY write!!!  You know you're excited.

Where to begin?  Over the past 2 weeks we've battled a case of strep throat, an ear infection and 4 bouts of the stomach funk...mine hitting on the side of the road an hour from home.  I should probably spare you the gory details, but where's the fun in that?  Not only did projectile vomit on the side of the road with a packed Stella for an audience, but I also shat my pants.  That's right...and I cranked up those badass butt warmers and baked that shit the whole way home, sending inappropriate text messages to my sister and daughter in the backseats.  Beelay suggested we stop, seeing as we did have diapers and wipes in the car.  I don't know where she gets her smart mouth from, I swear I don't.

My mom, bless her heart, bought tickets to take the girls to Cirque du Soleil for Saturday night, but Beelay's bug prevented her from going.  I was so jealous...I've seriously been dreaming of seeing a Cirque show for YEARS!!!  Thank goodness Dumpling picked up on my (not so) subtle hint and got us tickets for tomorrow night's show for my Christmas present.  I'm over the moon excited!!!

I've got several funny stories to share, but I can't decide whether to go in chronological order or in funny, to funnier to funniest order.  Hmmmm...

Well, my brother bought my sister and the girls their very own "Go Girls".  Thanks to Chiquita, I already have my own.  If you're not familiar, it's a "women's urination device".  On Christmas night, we were all hanging out in the den when we hear Slou in the bathroom.  "Yes, I made it in the toilet!!"  To which Uncle replies "That's great, considering I bought it used."  The shrieks and squeals that came from the bathroom almost made me pee my pants.  Unfortunately the stomach bug quickly sucked the air out of her sail right after that.

Dumpling, Beelay & I went out in search of Christmas lights later.  Honestly we were really disappointed by the lack of holiday cheer...but while we were out it came up that Super Hero & Martha Stewart across the street had been asking for weeks now when we were gonna put our deer up.  So it was decided that Christmas night would be the PERFECT time to put them out, in THEIR yard!!  We get home and Beelay hauls a big box across to their driveway....and runs back home.  While she's getting the other stuff together, Super Hero comes out, moves the box out of his way and moves his MIL's car.  Obviously the joke was up, but that didn't rain on Beelay's parade!!  She and Dumpling got the deer all set up, plugged them in and NOTHING!!  One of the extension cords was bad, so she unplugs half of our own lights to run power...this whole time we can hear their two year old throwing the tantrum of the millennium in her bedroom and the rest of them were probably watching us from a different window.  At one point Martha Stewart even came out and said hi to Beelay.  So the joke really bombed before it even left the ground, but it was funny anyway.  Especially the next day when I was driving Beelay over to a friend's house to ship out for the week and out of nowhere she just starts giggling.  "What are you laughing at?" "M.S. & Super Hero", to which we both shared a little giggle together.  I love having fun neighbors and fun kids too.

Last night, on FB I promised to write and publish a post.  I even took the day off of work to dedicate more time to my writing.  Do you wanna know what I woke up to this morning?  My dad...playing is World of Warcraft on MY computer.  Okay, he paid for it...so I guess he has every right to use it, but of course the one day in 2 months that I'm set on writing, his computer takes a dump?  Really!!  But the good news is, he's decided he "can't afford" to not have a working computer, so he's going to get his repaired AND buy a new one!!  So now I get the old one (which is badass for anything other than his game) and mine (which is perfectly fine) will be handed down the girls.  In the end, we're all a happy bunch.

In response to those that have accused me of slacking off because I've crawled up Dumpling's ass, you can kiss it.  You're right, I guess...but you can still kiss it.  I promise to try to find more time to write in the upcoming days, weeks and months.  Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and has a healthy and prosperous New Year!!!

Here are all of my links for any of you new to my Graceful Disaster.  You can always follow me here through Google Friends Connect (GFC), on Facebook or on Twitter.  Later peeps!!!