My children...the funny things they say & do!!

Beeylay @ 7 years old & SLou @ 4 years old:  I pick up SLou from daycare and the teacher tells me that she's had a little bit of a time with SLou and her potty mouth.  I ask what she said and the teacher tells me "Well, 'So & So' spit in her face and she pushed him and said 'Quit spittin on me F**KER!!"  I was mortified!!  I admit that I cuss like a sailor...but not around my kids and especially not that word!!  Fast forward to dinner that night at Chili's with (we'll call her) Crash and her daughter after trying on flower girl dresses.  I had to get onto Beelay for something...I have no idea what it was.  But she says to me "Whatever, it's still not as bad as what SLou said at school today!!"  Crash looks at me with those eyes that are saying "What did she say now?"  I try to quietly mouth it to her but SLou chimes in LOUDLY with "Nuuhhh unnnhhhh, I said QUIT SPITTIN ON ME F**KER!!"  Crash's jaw drops and her face turns bright red while she's trying (and failing) to keep a straight face.  I had to leave the table to keep myself from completely losing it in front of the kids...because with my kids (especially SLou), if they think you think something is funny...they're going to continue to do it to make you laugh. 

SLou @ 3 years old: When she was in pre-school, my dad often picked her up on his way home from work.  One day he called me and said "You need to call the school and talk to the director.  Apparently SLou had a potty mouth at school today."  I asked what she said and he said "Just call Kathy, I'm not comfortable repeating it."  This of course scared the crap out of me, so I called immediately.  Turned out she called some kid a "pussy head".  Of course even at 3 years old, she insisted that she called him a "pussy cat" and the teachers surely misunderstood her.  I don't care which word she really used.  "Pussy head" became a permanent word in mine & my friends vocabulary...away from the kids of course.  And the fact that my dad couldn't bring himself to repeat it to me...ensues a whole other giggle-fest!!

Beelay @ 6 years old: She came home from her daddy's and announced that she knew another word for a donkey.  I said "Oh yeah, what's that?" (Because you know I'm always looking for ammunition)  She says "An assjack!!"  I said "Well, actually it's a jack ass, but don't EVER say it again."  And yet another word that has stuck through the years.

Beelay @ 11 years old & SLou @ 8 years old: A couple years ago I thought it would be a good idea to take the girls to the chiropractor for the first time.  He adjusted me first, and while he had me in what could be confused as a questionable position...both girls start giggling uncontrollably.  He left the room for a few minutes and SLou said "He looks more like the doctor of loooooove to me.  I don't think he was wearing a ring Mama" While doing the whole eyebrow thing.  Beelay says "I think he's gay."  And then he walks back in to adjust them...which is when it dawned on me just how paper thin the walls were in his office.

SLou @ 8 years old: I had an eyelash on my cheek and she got it and said "You should probably save this.  It's gonna be worth a fortune one day." I asked "Yeah, why's that?" "Because you're my mom and I'm gonna be the president one day."

SLou's Pre-K Graduation:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__Zdhd4_EYw&t=1m

Beelay @ 8 years old: While hanging out at my friend Lolipop's house, I was playing on her computer and Beelay was playing with my hair and rubbing my shoulders and then all the sudden I hear "BZZZZZ!!!  Mommy, doesn't this back massager feel good???"  Lollipop was a "Surprise Party" rep...so use your imagination.

My 13 year old is a whiner and a procrastinator.  She will use any possible ailment to get out of doing her chores, homework or anything else she doesn't want to do.  So last week she says "Uggggh, my cramps are sooooo bad!!!  I think I'm dying!!"  I say "Just wait, it's only gonna get worse."  She says "Well, guess it's a good thing you're gonna be going through menopause soon then, huh?"  I'm 34!!  Some asked if I smacked her...and while I probably should have, I did not.  I gave credit where credit was due...and told her that was a good one.

While trying on dresses with my 10 year old, she kept looking at herself in the mirror and poking her belly out...like really OUT!!  I asked her stop a couple of times before I finally started pushing her belly in for her.  She says LOUDLY "Stop, you're gonna hurt the baby!!!"  And then when I push her tummy again, she says just as loudly "You're gonna be a terrible grandmother!!"  and busts out laughing.  I can only imagine what the lady working the fitting room thought of the cast of the new upcoming show "10 & Pregnant" or "Adolescent Moms".

I picked Beelay up at school last week and she says "My whole spanish class thinks you're a midget."  "Ummm, why?"  "Because Mr. "Teacher" was telling a story and called someone a midget and I told him that they weren't called midgets...they're called little people." He apparently dismissed her attempt at political correctness (we all know how pc my kids are).  So she told him that her mom was a midget.  And now he wants a picture to prove it!! 

I am POSITIVE that I'm leaving some great stories out, but I think this post is long enough.  I'd hate for anyone to get bored while reading about the comic strip that is my life.  If you haven't already, go like me on FB at  http://www.facebook.com/pages/Graceful-Disaster/240177672723476  Hope everyone has a great weekend!!