Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Girl Trippin'

Where do I begin?  I know when you think of football fans and tailgating, you probably don't picture it has your typical girl's weekend.  However, when you picture my girlfriends...that's what you get.

I'll be honest, of the 5 of us that went...I'm the least fond of football.  It's not that I dislike it.  I enjoy watching it...with other people.  I'm not one to just sit at home by myself and watch it for shits and giggles.  That being said, I am a Georgia girl.  If I'm gonna pull for a specific team...of course it's gonna be the Bulldogs.  

Sunflower is a loyal Auburn fan, even through their currently painful season.  So we've all been talking about how much fun it would be to go tailgating at a UGA vs. AU game for years.  We finally did it this year.  We, being the independent women that we are, pulled Zippy & Chiquita's camper down to Auburn, AL and stayed at every football fan's dream campground.  

At University Station RV Park, they know how to tailgate!!! This place has over 800 campsites and almost every single one was booked this past weekend.  On Friday night they had a chili cook-off, a HUGE bonfire & a live band.  Saturday night they had another bonfire and played the game on a projector screen.  The bathhouse was the most amazing bathhouse I've ever roughed it in.  There was even a store that sold homemade biscuits and sandwiches and cakes...and fresh cut meat too, if you just wanted a steak to grill out at your campsite. 

Now on to the shenanigans that are always guaranteed to ensue.  We left Friday morning.  It was about a 3 hour road trip...and we spent the first 2 discussing poop, then we moved on to puking, periods and sex.  I'll spare you the details, but we're some nasty bitches.

As soon as we pulled up we made friends with our neighbors across the street and the chatty guy 2 doors down.  Within a couple of hours he was offering to let us borrow his golf cart to go visit Chiquita's boss on the back end of the campground.  Not the best idea.  We have countless questionable photos taken with every inflatable tiger in the campground.  Keep in mind that 3 of the 5 of us had just come off a 24 day cleanse.  We had been living off of rabbit food and had not had a sip of alcohol in 26+ days.  We've all prided ourselves on NOT being lightweights in the past, but we were all placing bets on who was gonna be Frank this go around.  We figured it was gonna get interesting pretty quick....but apparently we had no idea.

We lost an hour during our travels.  So our bodies were confused anyway.  Chiquita and I both thought since we'd been torturing ourselves for the last month, it would make better since to partake in COCKTAILS rather than beer...ya know, less calories and all.  Well, I caught myself after my first 2 king sized vodka tonics.  I could tell they were going down entirely too quickly and smoothly....so I took a break and then switched to beer.  Chiquita wasn't as...observant.  They came out of nowhere and sucker punched her ass!!!  By 5pm it was dark and she couldn't walk a straight line.

They had the bonfire area cordoned off to keep people from parking their golf carts too close.  As we were walking (or I was guiding her), I asked her if she want to go over or under.  "Over, pffft...I got this bitches!!" And down she went...rolling down the hill along with my bladder control.  I totally and completely peed my pants!!!  As soon as I'd get it under control, she'd do something else that would send me into hysterical laughter.  I couldn't catch my breath long enough to run to the bathroom.  It was BAD!!!  I tried to feed her some chili...and then she fell off the picnic table.  By 6:15, I needed to go wash myself, put on some dry drawers and put her to bed!!  She was tucked in and past out by 6:30.

I went back down to the fire to enjoy the people watching and live music with Sunflower, Lollipop and Tabby.  But I was already spent.  I'll admit I'd had more than my share of "spirits", but I was EXHAUSTED too.  By 8pm Tabby & I were down for the count...until we were rudely awakened by our chatty neighbor's pissed off wife.  She snatched open the camper door and grabbed Tabby's foot (she was sound asleep on the pull out couch right by the door) and said "Listen here little lady, you and your little friends better stay off my golf cart or I'll KILL you!!" and slammed the door.  Before it even registered in my brain what was going on, it was over.  Huh? Oh no you didn't...oh wait, zzzzzzzzzzz!!!!

Something only the owner of the camper knew, was how to hook up the propane and turn on the heat.  Come about 5am, we were FREEEEEEZING!!!  I'm talking icicles forming in my nostrils.  I never thought I'd be so thankful that Lollipop is furnace when she's sleeping.  I talked her into coming down from the top bunk and spooning with me.  That's what best friends are for.

Of course come morning, Mr. Chatty is still being chatty and came on over to partake in mimosas with us, but not until AFTER Tabby informed him about his wife not being our biggest fans.  Apparently a group 5 girls is very threatening to a married woman....forget we're all spoken for too.  Anyway, he acted like he had no idea what we were talking about...but Sunflower & I are pretty sure he knew EXACTLY what we were talking about.  Needless to say, she avoided us all day...until about half-time when we were pretty close to successfully getting a contact high.  She came walking past our site stoned out of her mind and said "Y'all having fun yet?" and staggered down the street.

I'm proud to say we all made it to a respectable 10pm before we hit the hay Saturday night...after we built our own campfire and roasted marshmallows.  We got up and packed up and made the trek back to our realities with nothing but good memories and funny stories.  I love my friends and I love our girl's trips.  They keep me right at that happy medium between sanity and being institutionalized.  I don't know what I'd do without them.

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