Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Got Gas?

I'm a gassy person by nature, as are my children.  I've failed miserably at teaching them the necessary tools required in either holding it in or simply easing it out.  When they were little, it was absolutely hilarious for them to blow it out.  But now that they're 14 and 11, it's a wee bit embarrassing...for me anyway.  They still think it's hysterical. Plus, my dad really doesn't find bathroom humor nearly as funny as he did when I was a kid.

Probably ten years ago; while on a family vacation, my brother and I were sharing a bedroom.  One morning I woke up and he wasn't in the other bed.  I found him on the couch, trying to smother himself with blankets and pillows...to block out the sun.  I asked "What the hell are you doing out here?"  To which he answered "I couldn't sleep because all you did all night was fart and giggle in your sleep!!"  "I call bullshit!!  You must've been dreaming."

Of course, I come home and tell my friends this story....and what do ya know?  Turns out he wasn't dreaming.  Apparently I poot and giggle in my sleep all the damn time and nobody thought it necessary to tell me about it.  I guess they were all just laughing at me behind my...back? 

All of this being said; Dumpling and I have now been together over 4 months.  My embarrassingly inappropriate children NEVER had any concept of whether it was normal to launch fart rockets in front of or in the general direction of mama's new boyfriend.  Thank GOD he has a great sense of humor and not a weak stomach.  This all leads me to the timeless question of:

When is it ok to just let ‘er rip?

There have been others to blog about this ageless conundrum.  Like Samantha over at "Bitches Gotta Eat"....she wanted to know When can you fart in a new person's bed? Warning, she will make you cry from laughter.  There have even been videos on youtube about "Breaking the barrier".  Watch it now:

Well, nothing takes this decision out of your hands like a ferocious stomach bug...in a house with only one working toilet.  That's right folks, he must REALLY love me...of course he could've been a real gentleman and acted like he didn't hear a peep, but in his words "Where's the fun in that?"

So needless to say, I guess we've broken the barrier.  I'd still rather not poop when he's in the house, but when ya gotta go...ya gotta go.  And if you're one of those girls who wants to pretend you don't poop or toot...live on in your misery!!  If you're one of those girls that really doesn't poop or toot, you should probably see a doctor.

PS: Dumpling, I'll be so happy when we have 2 working potties in the house.  And when I disappear upstairs with my Kindle in hand, just pretend you didn't notice.  Mmmkay?

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  1. You TOOT and GIGGLE in your sleep??? I am DYING. I thought my husband's dutch ovens were bad... I sleep with my own covers now and he's not allowed to sleep with his butt facing me.

    OMG I am still cracking up!

    1. In my defense, nobody has EVER complained of them stinking. That would just be mortifying...because unconscious flatulence isn't embarrassing enough. GASP!!!