Goodbye Easter Bunny...

When does the Easter Bunny quit visiting?  Or Santa or the tooth fairy?  I know the general rule of if you don't believe you don't receive, but what if you're the reason they don't believe anymore? My mom ruined it for me when I was probably 8 years old and then I went on to ruin it for my siblings, but (maybe out of guilt) Santa still came well into high school at my house.  As for my poor sweet SLou, I ruined all of them for her at the very same time.  I felt terrible.  She totally caught me off guard.  I don't even remember exactly how it went down.  I remember we were in the car about a year ago...and she was questioning EVERYTHING!!  Maybe she was spending the night at her dad's or somewhere else and was worried that the Easter Bunny wouldn't be able to find her or something.  I honestly can't recall.  I could probably ask her...and she'd probably be able to recite the whole conversation verbatim, but I really don't want to open old wounds.  It went something like this: "You're the Easter Bunny, aren't you?" And I just couldn't make myself play along anymore...so I said "yes".  "What about Santa Clause and the tooth fairy? Is that you too?"  "Yep."  "So you've been lying to me all these years?"  "Well, I wouldn't say I was lying.  But haven't I been a pretty awesome Easter Bunny & Santa Clause?"  "NOOOO!!!"  <---This was only said out of hurt.  She later took it back and told me that I really was a great Santa Clause, way better than the one that comes to her dad's house.  SCORE!!!

So this year, since Beelay was headed to the beach before Easter.  I decided instead of doing an Easter basket for her, I'd do a super cool road trip care package.  I filled a beach bag (off the clearance rack) with all kinds of goodies.  Magazines, word search books, new flip flops, candy, snacks and a book (she prob. won't read).  It was awesome!!  She was stoked.  Mama scores again!!

But here's my dilemma now.  SLou saw most of the goodies and knows that they took the place of Beelay's Easter basket.  Now she's expecting some BAD ASS super stuffed Easter Basket.  I'm stumped.  I have no idea what to put in her Easter Basket.  She's of course requested a chocolate bunny...which if I haven't procrastinated too long and there's still some on the shelves at Walgreen's, I'll probably get her one.  But I don't want to fill it with a bunch of candy and junk...and that is what describes SLou's definition of BAD ASS!!  Plus, I've been home with her for spring break for the past 3 days and Stella's in the shop...so sneaking away to do a little shopping has proven near impossible.  Maybe she'd be happy with a chocolate bunny and a $20?  Some how it doesn't seem right though.  It's insane how much easier it is to pick out cool stuff for a 13 year old than it is for a 10 year old.  10 year olds love CRAP!!  Pure and simple...I could just go to the Dollar Tree and fill up a basket with junk and she'd be in heaven for about 30 minutes and then she'd never touch the CRAP again and it would be in the trash by week's end.  GAH!!!

I know, I know, I know!!  Easter is not about the bunny and the basket and the candy and the eggs.  It's about Jesus rising from the dead.  I grew up in the church.  The meaning isn't lost on me or my kids.  But the Easter loot is something they look forward to every year...and every year I feel like I have to out do myself from the year before.  I've done this to myself...and I'm kicking myself in the ass as we speak.  I miss the days when they were both happy with some bubbles, sidewalk chalk and a pack of new panties.  HA!!

I'll let y'all know how it ends up...until then, have a great weekend and a Happy Easter!!

Update: I finally escaped to do my shopping. I'm pretty sure SLou will be happy come morning. Minimal candy and everything else is stuff I'd have to buy anyway.

My children...the funny things they say & do!!

Beeylay @ 7 years old & SLou @ 4 years old:  I pick up SLou from daycare and the teacher tells me that she's had a little bit of a time with SLou and her potty mouth.  I ask what she said and the teacher tells me "Well, 'So & So' spit in her face and she pushed him and said 'Quit spittin on me F**KER!!"  I was mortified!!  I admit that I cuss like a sailor...but not around my kids and especially not that word!!  Fast forward to dinner that night at Chili's with (we'll call her) Crash and her daughter after trying on flower girl dresses.  I had to get onto Beelay for something...I have no idea what it was.  But she says to me "Whatever, it's still not as bad as what SLou said at school today!!"  Crash looks at me with those eyes that are saying "What did she say now?"  I try to quietly mouth it to her but SLou chimes in LOUDLY with "Nuuhhh unnnhhhh, I said QUIT SPITTIN ON ME F**KER!!"  Crash's jaw drops and her face turns bright red while she's trying (and failing) to keep a straight face.  I had to leave the table to keep myself from completely losing it in front of the kids...because with my kids (especially SLou), if they think you think something is funny...they're going to continue to do it to make you laugh. 

SLou @ 3 years old: When she was in pre-school, my dad often picked her up on his way home from work.  One day he called me and said "You need to call the school and talk to the director.  Apparently SLou had a potty mouth at school today."  I asked what she said and he said "Just call Kathy, I'm not comfortable repeating it."  This of course scared the crap out of me, so I called immediately.  Turned out she called some kid a "pussy head".  Of course even at 3 years old, she insisted that she called him a "pussy cat" and the teachers surely misunderstood her.  I don't care which word she really used.  "Pussy head" became a permanent word in mine & my friends vocabulary...away from the kids of course.  And the fact that my dad couldn't bring himself to repeat it to me...ensues a whole other giggle-fest!!

Beelay @ 6 years old: She came home from her daddy's and announced that she knew another word for a donkey.  I said "Oh yeah, what's that?" (Because you know I'm always looking for ammunition)  She says "An assjack!!"  I said "Well, actually it's a jack ass, but don't EVER say it again."  And yet another word that has stuck through the years.

Beelay @ 11 years old & SLou @ 8 years old: A couple years ago I thought it would be a good idea to take the girls to the chiropractor for the first time.  He adjusted me first, and while he had me in what could be confused as a questionable position...both girls start giggling uncontrollably.  He left the room for a few minutes and SLou said "He looks more like the doctor of loooooove to me.  I don't think he was wearing a ring Mama" While doing the whole eyebrow thing.  Beelay says "I think he's gay."  And then he walks back in to adjust them...which is when it dawned on me just how paper thin the walls were in his office.

SLou @ 8 years old: I had an eyelash on my cheek and she got it and said "You should probably save this.  It's gonna be worth a fortune one day." I asked "Yeah, why's that?" "Because you're my mom and I'm gonna be the president one day."

SLou's Pre-K Graduation:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__Zdhd4_EYw&t=1m

Beelay @ 8 years old: While hanging out at my friend Lolipop's house, I was playing on her computer and Beelay was playing with my hair and rubbing my shoulders and then all the sudden I hear "BZZZZZ!!!  Mommy, doesn't this back massager feel good???"  Lollipop was a "Surprise Party" rep...so use your imagination.

My 13 year old is a whiner and a procrastinator.  She will use any possible ailment to get out of doing her chores, homework or anything else she doesn't want to do.  So last week she says "Uggggh, my cramps are sooooo bad!!!  I think I'm dying!!"  I say "Just wait, it's only gonna get worse."  She says "Well, guess it's a good thing you're gonna be going through menopause soon then, huh?"  I'm 34!!  Some asked if I smacked her...and while I probably should have, I did not.  I gave credit where credit was due...and told her that was a good one.

While trying on dresses with my 10 year old, she kept looking at herself in the mirror and poking her belly out...like really OUT!!  I asked her stop a couple of times before I finally started pushing her belly in for her.  She says LOUDLY "Stop, you're gonna hurt the baby!!!"  And then when I push her tummy again, she says just as loudly "You're gonna be a terrible grandmother!!"  and busts out laughing.  I can only imagine what the lady working the fitting room thought of the cast of the new upcoming show "10 & Pregnant" or "Adolescent Moms".

I picked Beelay up at school last week and she says "My whole spanish class thinks you're a midget."  "Ummm, why?"  "Because Mr. "Teacher" was telling a story and called someone a midget and I told him that they weren't called midgets...they're called little people." He apparently dismissed her attempt at political correctness (we all know how pc my kids are).  So she told him that her mom was a midget.  And now he wants a picture to prove it!! 

I am POSITIVE that I'm leaving some great stories out, but I think this post is long enough.  I'd hate for anyone to get bored while reading about the comic strip that is my life.  If you haven't already, go like me on FB at  http://www.facebook.com/pages/Graceful-Disaster/240177672723476  Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

Black Friday Haters - Kiss It!!

I've been suffering from a little case of "writer's block" lately.  So my sister-wife suggested I go ahead and touch on our "Black Friday Victory" while it's still fresh in my head...and now that Christmas has actually passed and I don't have to worry about giving away any secrets about what anyone was getting from Santa.

Let me start with this, all you haters can kiss my ASS!!  Until you really experience it, you can't really understand the adrenaline rush it gives you.  You can't just go shopping on Black Friday without a plan of attack either...you will LOSE YOUR MIND!!  My very first experience was NOT good.  I was BROKE and I had no choice but to bring a toddler along that was potty training at the time.  NEVER go Black Friday shopping with your kids and NEVER go without money.  It's pointless and your attitude is definitely gonna suck!!

We typically start developing our plan of attack before Halloween.  The first step is to have a list of everyone that you're buying for and they're Christmas lists.  

Step 2:  Start regularly checking the online ads.  There are several sites that have them listed by store.  Especially keep an eye out for any big ticket items that are on your list.  Our big tickets this past year were the Wii and 3DS.

Step 3: Once you've got your list of specific stores you want to hit, check their websites for additional coupons.  I had several stores that had additional 20-40% off coupons that I printed out and they let us each use them.

Step 4: Map out the best route to take, based on location and hours.  Some stores opened as early as 9pm on Thanksgiving, others had door buster deals that were only for certain time frames and then some were all day.

Tip: It helps to work as a team with 1-2 of your close friends or family.  This helps when you're in a store and the line is wrapped around the building.  When the first of you is done in this store, go ahead and get in line while the others finish.  Any more than 3 total in your army and you end up with too many stores to hit and your cargo space fills up too fast.

Here is our generalized plan of attack:


Thursday: 


8pm: Get to the N. GA Outlet Mall to get a good parking spot.  By midnight there were people parking on the side of 400 and making their own parking spots, blocking aisles....tons of cars getting towed.  We walk over to Ruby Tuesdays and have a couple beers and an appetizer.


9pm-Midnight: Hit the mall running...not really running.  We knew which stores opened at what time and worked our way around the mall based on that.  I can't say that their sales are any better than you would get at your regular mall, but it's part of our tradition to hit it first.


Friday:


12:30am: Target in Cumming (The best organized, staffed and well planned line set up of all of the stores we hit). We were able to get what we came for, jumped in line and got to chat with other friends we ran into while the line ran smoothly through the store.

1:30am: Walked over to Kohl's...took one look at their line and decided none of their sales were worth the wait.

1:45am: Best Buy.  They had some decent sales, but nothing of huge note.  Their line was the longest and slowest of the night.

3am: Refueled at Huddle House.  The service was a little slow and it was FREEZING inside, but our options were limited.

4am: Belk Madness.  They had amazing sales.  Tons of boots for $19.99.  Jewelry was all at least 30% off.  I walked out of there with $250 worth of stuff for $90ish.


5am: Walmart (Try to get to one that isn't right off of the highway...way less crowds that way)  They still had 10 Wii's stacked on a pallet waiting for me.  I was so thankful I didn't stress myself out trying to get there by 10pm!!  They sometimes have a great doorbuster deals, but we mainly hit it because we can scratch a lot of the smaller things off our lists....kill a bunch of birds with one stone.


6am: Academy Sports had some good deals.  We did have an issue with one of the items we were getting wasn't ringing up at the sale price, but in the end they figured it out and everyone was happy (and little sleepier).  By then we (I) were fading FAST!!  The sun was coming up and my pillow was calling my name.  


7am: Justice always has decent sales with their 40% off coupons.  Would've been really nice if they'd opened a little earlier.  We waited in the parking lot for 15-20 minutes for them to open the doors...but yet again got to visit with more friends we ran into.


7:30am: Dropped off my teammates and headed home.


If I had to guess, I'd say I probably spent $500 for $800 worth of stuff.  Maybe $300 isn't a lot to you, but to me it's well worth the exhaustion I suffered from and took 2 days to recover from.  Plus, I pretty much finished all of my shopping in that one trip...minus a few stocking stuffers and odds and ends.  The peace of mind that gives me allows me to actually enjoy the rest of the holiday season without stressing out about my shopping!!  So to all of you haters, don't knock it til you try it!!  There is a method to our madness...and it definitely wouldn't be as much fun without my partners in crime.