I hit my mid-30s last week. I'm fine with it...really. But at 35, should I really be worrying about zits, wrinkles, chin hairs and gray hair? I've been having to pluck the same black chin hair since right after having my second baby. Now all of the sudden I have like 3-4 of those bastards. I've been spotting the occasional gray hair here and there for a few months, but this morning when I pulled my bangs back; there's a whole flipping stripe of them!!! Here's my pursuit to growing old...gracefully or vainly.
I started coloring my hair in 7th or 8th grade. I don't remember asking my mom's permission. It was just something Blondie & I started doing as soon as we were old enough to walk to Drug Emporium and buy it ourselves. We started out gradually. We'd squirt lemon juice in our hair before we'd lay out in the back yard....then we graduated to spraying "Sun In" in our hair every day before we'd blow dry it. Then for some reason; when we got ballsy enough to actually buy a box of hair color, we bought that "Loving Care" brand....that I'm pretty sure was for old ladies trying to cover up their gray. Let me tell you how well that turned out. A few days after going a little (or a lot) blonder, my family left for vacation. Two days in the highly chlorinated pools...my hair was GREEN!!! Like the color of algae!! It was horrible. I'm sure my parents were probably laughing on the inside when they suggested I call the 800 customer service # on the box. I don't remember the customer service rep holding her laughter in on the inside. I'm pretty sure she was SAYING all of the right things through her bouts of laughter.
The chemical reaction scared me enough to lay off the dye...until summer was over. Then the algae had grown out and my courage had returned. We settled on "Nice 'n Easy"...and it was perfect!!! I was the exact shade of blonde I'd always dreamed of. Both of my siblings were toe headed...and as the token brunette, I always felt left out. I finally belonged in my family. I know this sounds ridiculous....and I'm saying most of it in jest.
As I got older and wiser...at the ripe old age of 17, I decided I wanted a change. I'd had enough blonde. I wanted to be a redhead....more like the color of cabernet. I HATED IT!!! And it wasn't as simple as just re-dying it blonde. Being the hair color specialists that I thought I was...and my sister and her friend too, we went to Sally Beauty Supply. How hard could it possibly be to strip the color from my hair? After 6 hours of applying the blue paste to my hair, letting it take, rinsing and reapplying...waiting and waiting, my hair was capable of spontaneous combustion and it was ORANGE!!!
Thank GOD my mother took mercy on me...and paid the $$$ to have it professionally taken care of. After that Graceful Disaster, I decided I'd be better off just sticking with the blonde locks that suit me so well. Well, until Blondie actually went to cosmetology school and had a license to mix dye and bleach together....then I trusted her solely and completely and allowed her to use my hair as her canvas. I quickly became a hair color junkie!!
After Blondie became a mom and cut back her days in the salon, I moved over to another of my best friends, Chuckles. She's been doing my hair for 5+ years now. And she's ALWAYS willing to change things up and play with my color. I must say she was NOT the best thing for my addiction...but having close friends in the biz, I've never had to pay full price anyway. But times have gotten lean and the first things to be trimmed from the budget are the extras. A couple years ago I decided to go all natural. I believe my words were "I'll just grow old gracefully...at least until I find my first gray hair." Well, I've been in denial for a while about those mysterious "blonde" hairs.
I come from a long line of vain people. At 15, my Gramma asked me where I got my blonde hair from....and I told her "The same place you got yours. The bottle." My mom still colors her hair. Even my dad fought it for a while with his "Just For Men". My dilemma now is, I'm so spoiled when it comes to hair color....I don't think I can go back to doing my own color. So do I swallow it and just scrape up the money to have Chuckles do it or do I just sit back and let the gray take over?
And while we're on the subject of spending money on my beauty....I'm contemplating laser hair removal. I can handle shaving my legs and arm pits....but I draw the line at shaving my face!!! At what lengths have you gone to defy your age? I'd love to hear from all of you!!
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Don't let the title of this post confuse you. I'm happier than I have EVER been. I'm in love with an amazing man that would move heaven and earth to make me happy. I have high hopes that in reality 2013 is going to be an amazing year for us. But right now, 21 days into the year...I'm just sad.
My Gramma passed away week before last...and although it was expected and it was definitely her time, I miss her. I really didn't shed many tears at the time, but I think it's caught up with me now. She was an amazing woman and I'm so grateful that God picked her to be my grandmother. She was a feisty fun Gramma. She clogged long into my childhood. She sang all the time. She was a talented artist...and she had a hysterical sense of humor, even after Alzheimer's took most everything from her; she would crack jokes and act silly. I love you Gramma.
My morning started off great today. Most Monday mornings don't begin with me waking up next to the man of my dreams. It just so happened that it's MLK day and the girls are not only out of school today, but they were both spending the night out last night...so I got to spend an extra night with him. So for all intents and purposes, I should be in a fantastic mood!!! I was...even when I was walking his crazy ass dog up and down the street begging her to poop. Even when I had to leave before him to get to work.
But then as I was making my trek into the office, I had to pass the cemetery. The one where my best friend is buried. The one that I pass on a regular basis now, but haven't made the time in a while to just stop by. I always think of her when I drive past. Some times I even say "hi" out loud. This morning I said "Good Morning Ter...I miss you!!" and then I promptly lost it. I haven't truly shed tears for her in months. She's been gone over 7 years now and not a day goes by that I don't think of her, but I haven't bawled my eyes out over the void she left in my heart in a long time. Apparently today is the day that I'm making up for that lost time.
I called my sister wife, expecting her to cheer me up. But what does that bitch do? She starts crying with me!!! I had an intense dream on Friday night that I lost her too. I don't remember the details of the dream, but I woke up devastated and paralyzed with fear. It took a while to catch my breath and convince myself that it wasn't real. So, just so we're clear...Chiquita, Lollipop & Sunflower; y'all are not allowed to go anywhere for a VERY long time. I need your crazy asses to balance me out...and Dumpling, I love you so much it takes my breath away and this sadness has absolutely nothing to do with "us".
Then add that the Falcon's broke my heart just a little bit yesterday too...and you've got all of the ingredients for a perfect storm. Hopefully writing about all of this will get it off my chest and I'll be done with the tears and go on to have a fabulous Monday.
PS: I'm co-hosting the GFC Blog Hop tomorrow. Check back in the morning to hop along with us and find some new blogs worth following.
Saturday marked the 7th anniversary of the day my whole world shook. Growing up you think you'll live forever. When you hear about parents or grandparents or kids dying, you think "Oh that will never happen to me. That only happens to other people." Then your grandfather might pass away from some old people's disease...you experience a little taste of loss. Then maybe an uncle that lived a hard life fighting his demons might go before his time. But then you're still convinced this is as bad as it'll get. Then one night when you're laying in bed, getting ready to go to sleep...when you hear your phone ringing downstairs and you think about ignoring it...but decide to run downstairs to answer and then you are on autopilot...driving to the hospital in a trance, praying that it's all just an overreaction. Then you're 10 minutes from the hospital and your phone rings again. You answer and you all the sudden feel like the wind has been knocked out of you. You manage to hold it together long enough to drive the rest of the way to the hospital...continuing to pray that the doctors were wrong. That they had their patients mixed up. I run to the ER entry and my legs buckle and the reality starts to set in. My world as I know it...will never be the same again.
I can try to explain how the tightness in my chest felt like it was smothering me, I was drowning. How I felt like I would never catch my breath again. The hours that I spent crying in the shower so my kids didn't see how broken I really was. How I put on a brave face and made the trek every day to make sure her sweet 15 month old baby was okay. How my heart broke when I'd be rocking her to sleep and she'd call me mommy, because she didn't understand why Beelay & Slou could call me mommy and she didn't have anyone to call mommy anymore. I can tell you all about how I would call her cell phone just to get her voicemail so I could hear her voice again, but until you lose your best friend...you'll never be able to truly grasp the feeling.
I hope that none of you have ever felt that earth shattering pain. And as bad as it was on me, I'm not the only person she left behind. The void that her mom, sister, husband and baby (who's now 8) had to learn to live with...is something I hope I never experience firsthand.
On September 29, 2005 my best friend Terri Christine Kown Turner died of a massive heart attack at the age of 27. For weeks I wrote down every memory I ever had of her. I was terrified of forgetting her. For years when I really wanted to talk to her, I wrote to her. I have a journal full of entries of what I needed to say to her. That was the best therapy I could've ever had. While I miss her every.single.day, I've healed. I don't spend the entire day engulfed in grief anymore. I spend it remembering her and cherishing the time I had with her. I thank God for the wonderful mom he brought into her daughter's life. I believe if Terri could've hand picked her stand in, she would've picked her.
So let this be a reminder that tomorrow is never guaranteed. Let the ones you love know it. Live every day to it's fullest. And cherish every second that you have. Part of me feels guilty, but I know that Terri wouldn't want any of us to spend the day being sad. Rather than cry for my loss, I laughed and made new memories with some of my best friends. I love and miss you every day. Your memory will live on through me and everyone else that you touched.
I know this post is bound to make some of you cry and for that I'm sorry. That was not my intention, except that it means that through these words, I've touched your heart. If you're new to my blog, please follow me through GFC, Facebook, or Twitter. Also, take a second to click the banner below to help me in my rankings at topmommyblogs.com. Happy Monday.
I started coloring my hair in 7th or 8th grade. I don't remember asking my mom's permission. It was just something Blondie & I started doing as soon as we were old enough to walk to Drug Emporium and buy it ourselves. We started out gradually. We'd squirt lemon juice in our hair before we'd lay out in the back yard....then we graduated to spraying "Sun In" in our hair every day before we'd blow dry it. Then for some reason; when we got ballsy enough to actually buy a box of hair color, we bought that "Loving Care" brand....that I'm pretty sure was for old ladies trying to cover up their gray. Let me tell you how well that turned out. A few days after going a little (or a lot) blonder, my family left for vacation. Two days in the highly chlorinated pools...my hair was GREEN!!! Like the color of algae!! It was horrible. I'm sure my parents were probably laughing on the inside when they suggested I call the 800 customer service # on the box. I don't remember the customer service rep holding her laughter in on the inside. I'm pretty sure she was SAYING all of the right things through her bouts of laughter.
